Hi from Nervous Starter

[MilkoMum]

I need some kind of support. I am overwhelmed and anxiety is critically high. I have lived with depression and mild anxiety for a decade. I have lows but have been able to manage it fairly independently. 2017 has really pushed me to a new level.

I was diagnosed with early stage endometrial cancer on 6 March. I am going to see a gynaecological oncologist to get a plan which will include a complete hysterectomy and 6 weeks off work, not being able to do anything.

In July 2016 our house was destroyed by fire. We are in the process of rebuilding and I can say that it is an extremely stressful and expensive and is a constant source of worry. We will be homeless again in July.

In July 2009 my sister died. We took her 2 boys into our family. We already had 2 children. Her partner damaged the eldest child and we have been in a 7 year process with Care and Protection Services to become the boys forever family.

In January 2009 my mum died of breast cancer after a 5 year journey. I was her primary carer, she was a single parent and was my everything.

I know it is not rational but I feel completely cursed. Everything I touch turns to shit. I feel terrible that I have brought this misery into my family's life.

I just feel so alone and have a constant sense of foreboding that something is going to go wrong. I feel like no one else understands that is in my life. They get sad and get over it. I feel like I am the pill in their lives that is hard to swallow. I have no energy, I cannot concentrate, I don’t care about anything, I only do things to make other people happy because they expect me to cope because I pretend so well. All I want
to do is sleep, because sleep is peaceful and I am not consciously in my life anymore. I hear things but I don’t listen anymore. I am not present as a parent and I hate myself for it.

I am overweight – probably the reason I got the cancer in the first place and feel like eating is the only way I can make myself feel better. Today is a bad day and this will pass but the bad days and bad moments seem to be getting closer together and I am exhausted.

I know there is reason for feeling overwhelmed but it has just gotten so much bigger than me and I don’t know how to help myself. I am so sad and lonely in my grief. I wanted to reach out and hope there might be some other kind of high-functioning, don’t want to give up, but just not coping at the moment type of person out there. xxx

[MarkJT]

Milkomum, first of all i want to give you a massive warm welcome to the forums. You are now part of a very supportive and protective place that is chockers with people that have had or are having mental health journies. I want you to pay very close attention to this next line.....you are NOT alone...never ever ever.

In my time on the forums and other people who have been here for much longer, will agree that your story is a familiar one. You are not cursed, I can guarantee that. Yes you have had a whole lot go wrong but you are not cursed.

The first thing i would like to know is, have you been to the GP to discuss how you are feeling? For what you have been through, I would be more concerned if you were feeling fine. You have had so much go on, it is natural that this is going to have a massive impact on your mental health.

If you have not yet discussed this with the GP, you need to. I cannot emphasise this enough. Peer to peer support and support in the forums is one thing but we are not clinicians and you need clinical assistance.

The beyondblue helpline - 1300 22 4636 - is a great avenue to talk things over. They are trained counselors who are there for you 24/7 so never hesitate to contact them.

A few other tips:

Mindfulness - download the app "Smiling Mind" and do a session ever morning. 10-15 mins is all it takes. This will help calm the anxiety.

Diet - critical to mental health. I understand that you eat to make yourself feel better. What are you eating? You can make really healthy meals to have instead of bad food. You can even have it delivered.

Exercise - can you get out and walk the block, listen to music or just take in the fresh air.

I wont overload you with questions on this post so hope to hear back on what I have posted above and we will go from there.

Again, you are not alone. We are here to assist.

Mark.

[Wanderlustress]

Dear Milko Mum,

I hope you have sought help with a GP or a professional to confide with. Are there any not-for-profits you can reach out to who may be able to help refer you to support in housing and mental health support?

A choice of GP is very important. You should find one who feels genuine and imo I feel a female GP is better placed to help because she would understand many female-centric problems a little better, without the gender gap. I first saw a male GP for a completely unrelated matter who then diagnosed me with an eating disorder - but in the end I found a female GP who was so kind and understanding she would see me just to find out if I am okay.

I am so sorry you had to go through such terrible events. 😞

I know how you feel about the 'everything you touch turns to shit'. It's moments which don't feel like moments but forever where you're literally stuck in hell.

My parents both had different cancers and it was just debilitating. I can only imagine how difficult and how painful it must be on such a profound level for you given how close you were with your mum.

Please don't think that somehow, you have any part to play in these events that has happened. I won't patronise you with the whole "sometimes life

Take a day at a time. Breathe. Cry. Scream. Allow yourself to feel. Don't bottle it in.

I agree with what MarkJT wrote above. The worst thing you can do for yourself is to shut yourself up in a spiralling void. It will only get darker and deeper. As much as you don't feel like to, set one thing you can do everyday, and aim to do it. Write a journal. Even one line "I feel like shit today" will suffice.

I too take my frustration on food for example, but I've come to a place where I feel I can try to own my life again. If you need to talk, I'm here. 🙂

[startingnew]

hi there

have you got any coping strategies to help you when you feel anxious?

i suffer anxiety as well so id be more than happy to share some coping strategies for you if youd like?