Hi to All, I'm grateful to have found this site.
I've never been diagnosed with depression, not by a doctor anyway, I've no doubt I have a degree of depression, I also don't have much time for doctors.
I have a fair bit of right brain/left brain conflict in that I can see from my track record that I'm an ok and worthwhile person, but emotionally I don't feel that this is the truth, my internal dialogue is mostly pretty negative. This is as a result of my being particularly susceptible to the negative messages I was fed as a child.
Where this has left me, in my 50's at times struggling to find joy in life, I can have a very bleak outlook and this affects my relationships, I have a shitty tendency to project what I'm feeling and thinking.
I'm an emotional eater, I call it my last substance abuse issue. I quit smoking a decade or more ago, I stopped drinking three or four years ago, but I've no clue how to get a handle on my eating, because my 'substance abuse issue' is a coping mechanism and until I've dealt with what I'm coping with then there'll be coping mechanisms.
I've been to healing retreats that work to heal the emotional trauma suffered as a child, I learned a lot about myself and people in general, but was less successful at processing the traumas from the past that have made me who I am. I learned enough that I assisted others process their own trauma and gain a degree of relief, but never was able to break down that wall and allow my self to be vulnerable and open enough to process those hurts.
I've tried other stuff, counselling, resets, etc, I've yet to find a good fit that offers a more permanent fix. I refuse to use antidepressants, I firmly believe that my best path lies elsewhere, I'm mostly coping and not suicidal, if that changes I guess I'd have to investigate the chemical way, but not before.
So that's me, in a nutty shell, it's so much more convoluted than that, but there's a time and space limit and I guess an attention limit too. If you got this far thanks heaps for reading and bless youse All.
