I know you cannot see it, but you are not a burden. You have been through and are going through a lot. I know this is easier said than done, but maybe it is helpful to imagine how you would view someone who was in your position, how you would speak to them and whether you would view them as a burden. You deserve kindness, support and patience. It sounds like your partner and your daughter are big strengths for you, I am really glad that you have them to be with.
It sounds like it took a lot of courage and strength to write on here, I'm sorry you struggle so much to seek help, it must feel so awful. But bottling it up will destroy you (as you mentioned above). Maybe trying one of the online chats (Lifeline and Blue Knot both have web chats) might be an option first before trying a phoneline. But please also know that these phone lines are confidential, it is okay if you cry or break down, they are trained to help you and they will be there for you. Does continuing as you are right now feel more or less frightening than reaching out for help? Could writing down what you might want to say help in talking online or over the phone with a support service? Could you practice talking aloud what you might say before calling? Sorry for all the questions, you obviously don't have to answer them, it is more just trying to help brainstorm.
Take care Chipmunk. We're here for you.
