hello

[running_girl]

Hi I’m new here. I’m not really sure why I’m posting….the need to connect I guess. I have a longish history of anxiety and depression but it’s only in the last 5 years that I’ve admitted this to myself, sought professional help and started on SSRIs, etc. My dr and meds have helped save me a few times over I think.

The last 12 months have been particularly rough, although I’m past the worst now. I split with my partner of 20+ years about a year ago and was not prepared for the emotional upheaval this would put me through. Although I wanted the separation, I have not handled being single with as much dignity and courage as I would’ve liked and, as a result, have put myself in situations where I’ve gotten hurt. The most recent being a friend who confessed he had feelings for me, and once I digested this information and started to respond in kind, he completely withdrew from me without any explanation whatsoever. It’s hard not to let this affect my sense of self-worth (and for the most part, I don’t, but on bad days…). I'm surprised at just how frightening I found it to suddenly become single again, although I'm starting to feel more comfortable with it these days.

I have a few friends and some family but no one I feel really close to. My social life is pretty uneventful and the loneliness does get to me, especially on weekends. Also, ever since my separation, I haven’t been able to sit through a film or even a tv show. And reading, which has been my lifelong love, is virtually impossible. Has anyone else experienced this and did things go back to normal eventually?

Anyway, thanks for listening – it feels better just having said this aloud (so to speak) to someone other than myself or my dr.

Take care everyone, rg

[running_girl]

Dear Quercus & MickyM, thank you so much for your replies. I will respond in greater length soon but didn't want either of you to think I'd overlooked you, rg x

[running_girl]

Thank you Quercus for your warm greeting. I’ve seen several of your posts on some of the other threads and your advice and support is most welcome here too.

You are right in that the only real solution is to ‘make an effort’. It helps to be reminded of this gently and often… so please, sermonise away 🙂 … because sometimes I’m too quick to rationalise my way out of making the effort, which ultimately is only to my detriment.

I started making the effort to ‘get out there’ about three months ago. Just baby steps really, but am gradually trying to extend myself. Even though it’s hard, it is getting easier and more often than not, I feel better for having made the effort to find some company. Even if I don’t wind up making a connection or I embarrass myself by making a social blunder (which is probably only perceived my me anyway), it’s better than berating myself for being too scared to change a situation that I would dearly like to get out of.

One thing’s for sure, I’ve learnt a lot from this and am learning still. If I ever enter into another relationship, I will not make the mistake of cutting off the rest of the world, no matter how tempting this might be to do.

Thank you again for your kind support and good advice. I will also be sure to check out the BB social zone.

rg x

[running_girl]

Hi Mickey,

So pleased to meet you too! Thank you for taking the time to read my post and offer your advice and support. I hope I can do the same for you in turn.

I love your doctor’s expression that we “grow into our lives”. I have never heard it put like that before but it reassures me that I am constantly evolving, though it may not always feel like it. Even those times where I felt like I was spiralling downwards, I’ve always come out the other side with a bit more knowledge and compassion for having gone through the pain.

I’m sorry you suffer from anxiety and depression too. It makes what is in any case difficult – i.e., making new friends – so much harder. I know what you mean about tiring easily. For me any experience that is even remotely social needs to be counteracted with an equal proportion of sleep. Even without the social activity, I go to bed so early most nights it’s kind of embarrassing! I think you’re right in that depression is also at play here.

Thanks for the heads up about the Neighbourhood House project. I’d never heard of it and have now found their website. I will definitely keep it in mind - I always need a bit of time to let new ideas ‘settle’ in my mind so that they become less daunting and more achievable 🙂 I will certainly let you know how I go if I do join.

Most of all, thank you for reminding me that it is worth the effort to break out of my self-imposed isolation and also for making me feel less alone by sharing some of your own similar difficulties. Look forward to chatting with you again…

rg x

[MickeyM]

Hi running girl

One of my favorite quotes from was from a book, "Olivia Joules and the overactive imagination". The book was written by Helen Fielding, who also wrote Bridget Jones...gives you a sense of the genre!

Anyway, in the story, Olivia was at a party or something ...a room full of strangers, and she's as nervous as anything. She is standing in a corner, trying to summon up the courage to mingle and thinks to herself (this is my favorite quote) "Nobody is thinking about you. They're thinking about themselves, just like you."

So often we worry about what other people think, without realizing that others are also wondering exactly the same thing.

I joined our local Neighborhood House when my kids were little. I went again as they were offering adult guitar class. I loved it, as it was always something I wanted to do. I can play piano, but never really took time to learn guitar. It was a lot of fun & I even took my guitar camping the next time we went and played a few 3 chord songs around the campfire (all in the same key!) But it was something I had always wanted to do.

Let us know how you get on

🙂

[running_girl]

Hi again Micky M,

I love this quote. It’s so true and when I can let it sink into my over anxious mind, it really does make being around new people so much easier. It’s so funny – why do we all over-scrutinise ourselves to the point of misery? I will continue to try and break this habit.

I’ve not done anything about joining NH yet but will let you know how I get on, whatever I end up doing. Thanks again for drawing it to my attention.

Hope you are having a good week…

rg x

[The_Abyss]

Hi RG - found you!

will post properly later, but wanted to tag your post so I could get back easier

[MickeyM]

Hi running girl!

how is your week?

Mickey

[running_girl]

Hi Mickey,

Nice to hear from you. As for my week, and thank you for asking:-), I don’t know where to start really - it's been a big one. Had a birthday – made the one year
mark at my current job and have found myself, most unexpectedly, in the beginning stages of relationship with a really lovely person. I’m both scared and happy (but more the latter). I’ve been trying my best to keep my emotions in check and keep to my routines.

Just a little over 12 months ago I was in a very bad place. I never would have thought my life would change in the ways it has.

How is your week going?

rg

[MickeyM]

Hi. Happy birthday!🎉 🎂

Happy anniversary at your job!

and happy new relationship!

What great news, I'm happy for you. My week isn't nearly as exciting, but we're going away this weekend (camping) and I'm really looking forward to it. It's going to be cold, but it will still be fun.

Chat soon

[The_Abyss]

Hi RG -

Just wanted to pop in and say how pleased I am you had such a good week last week. How has this current week been?

How too is your training going? I think you mentioned training for a half marathon? Remind me - have you chosen a particular one to tackle? I have one more week of "impossible" and then I hope to start getting moving again. How does you new relationship fit in?

(Hello too to MickeyM. Good to see you posting again....I came across one of your threads that had been taken over quite early. I gained great insight from it).

Anyway RG, enjoy the rest of your weekend!

TA