hello

[running_girl]

Hi I’m new here. I’m not really sure why I’m posting….the need to connect I guess. I have a longish history of anxiety and depression but it’s only in the last 5 years that I’ve admitted this to myself, sought professional help and started on SSRIs, etc. My dr and meds have helped save me a few times over I think.

The last 12 months have been particularly rough, although I’m past the worst now. I split with my partner of 20+ years about a year ago and was not prepared for the emotional upheaval this would put me through. Although I wanted the separation, I have not handled being single with as much dignity and courage as I would’ve liked and, as a result, have put myself in situations where I’ve gotten hurt. The most recent being a friend who confessed he had feelings for me, and once I digested this information and started to respond in kind, he completely withdrew from me without any explanation whatsoever. It’s hard not to let this affect my sense of self-worth (and for the most part, I don’t, but on bad days…). I'm surprised at just how frightening I found it to suddenly become single again, although I'm starting to feel more comfortable with it these days.

I have a few friends and some family but no one I feel really close to. My social life is pretty uneventful and the loneliness does get to me, especially on weekends. Also, ever since my separation, I haven’t been able to sit through a film or even a tv show. And reading, which has been my lifelong love, is virtually impossible. Has anyone else experienced this and did things go back to normal eventually?

Anyway, thanks for listening – it feels better just having said this aloud (so to speak) to someone other than myself or my dr.

Take care everyone, rg

[white knight]

Hi rg, welcome

You can check out thousands of threads here in various sections that will help.

Also you can use google. Here are some threads you can google

Topic: depression a ship on the high seas- beyondblue

Topic: be radical- beyondblue

Glad to see you here

Tony WK

[geoff]

Morning running_girl, absolutely, I felt exactly the same as you did after being married for 25 years, I think it was more of a shock, but being in depression it's not something that I thought would ever happen, because my mind was blocked off from any realisation of the harm I was creating, but now in hindsight I could only expect it.
I don't have any social life now, whereas before it was virtually full on, however now the hours of my life have changed considerably, completely the opposite to how I was once living, that doesn't worry me anymore, because I live the hours I want to which are completely different to what others live.
My depression and the amount of medication I have to take, for various other medical problems has done this to me, but I'm don't concerned or worried about it, and sometimes it can get me out from going somewhere I don't really want to go to.
What I can see is that your life has changed to comletely what you used to love doing, well the same happened with me, everything I used to love doing doesn't interest me anymore, but if you told me that 40 years ago, I would have laughed and said 'it's impossible', but with depression and the lose of my marriage has caused all of this.
I know exactely how you feel, but please take some comfort in knowing that a change isn't that bad after all. Geoff. x

[running_girl]

Hi Tony WK,

Thanks for the welcome. Am happy to be here.

I’ll check out the threads you’ve recommended when I get home tonight.

I appreciate it - many thanks,

rg 🙂

[running_girl]

Hi Geoff,

Thank you so much for your reply and sharing some of your story with me. I’m sorry to hear you’ve also experienced the trauma of a marriage breakup in addition to living with
depression. It is comforting though, to hear from someone who has ‘been there’ and
knows how dark and confusing it can be. My ex also suffers from major depression
and in hindsight I can see that it was bound to end the way it did. We are both still in shock I think, even though it’s been over a year now. We have a reasonably amicable relationship now and still keep in touch. A lot of the tension and resentment between us has been resolved over the last 12 months…though, not entirely :)… because we’re each now free to live our own lives.

I made the mistake of isolating myself in my marriage and that is largely why I now have a fairly lacklustre social life. I am making some efforts to change this but it is hard and sometimes it goes against the grain. Despite being lonely, I don’t always feel like being social and often have to push myself to make the effort. I also have issues within trusting people. Part of me envies the freedom you must feel in living your own hours and not getting roped into things that don’t interest you.

You're right in that my life has completely changed and, with it, my interests. I don’t really know who I am anymore. This terrified me a few months ago but I’m starting to be ok with the fact that my identity is, at present, unformed. I do believe that one day I’m going to look back on this period and realise that my life changed for the better – even if it was a painful transition.

Best,

rg x

[TeresaB]

Hi Running Girl,

I have also been in a similar situation after seperating from my partner of 15 years. I was also quiet isolated and my world was the living with my ex. I have pretty much no friends and have a hard time trusting people. I find socialising in general quiet difficult as I suffer anxiety and can feel uncomfortable in new surroundings or new company.. so its a vicious circle of being lonely but finding myself still withdrawing to stay in my comfort zone! I have a strong desire to connect with people or just enjoy company of a genuine friend, but it seems too difficult to achieve!

[Quercus]

Hi Running Girl and Teresa B,

Just wanted to welcome you both to the forums 😊

Starting again, out of a relationship you'd known for years is such a difficult thing. Most especially if you've isolated yourself while in the relationship. I really feel for you both.

The only suggestion I have from my experience is to make an effort to ease yourself out of your comfort zone. If someone from work invites you out... Go. Take a night class in something interesting. Pick up the phone and reconnect with an old friend. Join a sport or a gym. Take your dog for a walk at the same park every day. Absolutely anything that gets you mixing with people on a regular basis.

I made a good friend taking my son to baby rhyme time at the library every week. We were both lonely and the rest of the mums were a bit of a clique so we'd talk. That was 4 years ago. She's a good friend now. But of you don't make yourself get out of the house noone has a chance of getting to know you.

Anyway sermon over 😊. It's great to have you both on the forums. Hope to see you about some more. Check out social zone if you haven't already.

PS TeresaB if you want to make your own thread in welcome/orientation you're very welcome to. It gives you a place just for you to talk about whatever you want 😊

[MickeyM]

Hi Running Girl 😀

I'm so pleased to meet you, albeit online.

My doctor told me one that "We grow into our lives" I like to think that by reaching out to the BB community, this is a start for you to extend yourself and be involved in your own community. Maybe check out your local Neighborhood House to see what they offer? It could be a good, safe environment for you to meet new people with similar interests.

I've also had anxiety for a number of years, and to be honest, I'm a bit of a hermit. I find it hard to make new friends, as so many people already have their own circle of friends. I also tire really easily, which is a part of depression, plus I don't drink, so even when there's a night out, I'm thinking of my escape plan. It's hard, but worth it.

Mickey

[MickeyM]

Hi TeresaB

I wanted to respond to your post & say welcome, it's good to meet you, too! 👋

I think Quercus has a great idea of starting your own thread, but I must admit, it was a while before I posted in my own thread! I don't know why, I guess at the time I just wanted to be a part of something or help someone else somehow...not that I've got words of wisdom or anything, but I guess I wanted to reach out in some way.

Anyway, welcome! Hope we can chat again.

Mickey M

[running_girl]

Hi Teresa B,

Thanks for your supportive message. While I wouldn’t wish the pain of separation or loneliness on anyone, it’s always nice to meet someone in the same boat, if you know what I mean. Until I started looking through this forum (and other similar ones) I felt very alone in my situation – like I was fundamentally defective somehow. Thanks to people like yourself who are willing open up, I now know that I’m very much not alone in my social anxiety/loneliness paradox. It’s just that so many of us are able to put on a convincing front.

I too have a strong desire to connect with people and make genuine friendships (as opposed to more casual kinds of socialising) but, like you, find it quite scary putting myself out there. When I’m trying to summon up the courage to make the effort, I remind myself of just how depressed and humiliated I felt at the beginning of my marriage split and that nothing I do from hereon in could possibly be worse than back then. This helps me throw caution to the wind a bit and, if my social awkwardness comes shining through, I’m better able to shrug it off and keep on going 🙂

Sharing experiences online with likeminded people, which I’ve only just started doing, has already helped me so much and I hope it helps you too. Please keep in touch as I would like to hear more about you and the similar journey that we both seem to be on.

rg x