Hello darkness my old friend

[Golden_Girl]

First time on this forum thingy ever. Didn't even know it existed until this morning when in tears I Googled Beyond Blue. Don't even know if this is the right place to start but I just want to say hi to someone, anyone and feel that someone is out there listening and can help with a kind word. Even just one word. Please....

I feel so alone and down. No energy. Can't stop crying....darkness has returned again in my life after being well for nearly 12 months. I want my smile back. I want my energy back. Who stole it? Like the song goes"Hello darkness my old friend, I've come to talk with you again .." only it (darkness/depression) is not a friend. It's familiar like that old grubby jumper you wear when you're alone in the house. It's a familiar place I've visited a million times before but I don't like it here and can't find the road to escape. Here we go yet again....and I don't want to burden or worry my family or friends.

And I'm anxious to visit my GP again because I have visited him about 6 times this month already for other physical ailments so I'm worried he'll think I'm a hypochondriac. He doesn't have the best bedside manner as it is.

Typing is helping because I can't stop sobbing. If I was to talk to someone they wouldn't be able to understand me through the sobs.

Anyhow..hi. Thanks for listening and sorry if this is the wrong place to start. As you can see I need help and pointing in the right direction. I'm lost.

Thanks

GG

[Starwolf]

Hi Golden Girl, welcome to the forums. Yes, you have come to the right place. Well done for reaching out.

Depression comes and goes in waves. Sometimes it is triggered by some situation, sometimes it just happens. But as you know, waves do pass. I understand how distressing this turn must be, after 12 months of relative peace. Having suffered depression myself, I agree that it is no good head space to be in.

I think a GP appointment would be a wise idea. If your doctor fails to make you feel better, there is nothing wrong with trying a new one. You may need a round of counseling/ therapy to help you over this rough stretch.

As for burdening family and friends, don't you think they would like to know you are experiencing difficulties ? Aren't loved ones meant to share the load when it becomes to heavy ? Are they aware you have been struggling with depression in the past ? Mental conditions are difficult to explain to oneself...never mind outsiders. They escape the scope of reason and logic.

Copying this link into your browser will access helpful tips on discussing the subject :

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/have-the-conversation/talk-about-it#findwords

Meanwhile, please feel free to navigate the forums. They're a safe space to connect, share or vent feelings. Do not hesitate to make it your space. Rest assured you will be heard. We're here for you.

Good to have you on board.

[Golden_Girl]

Thanks so much for your helpful reply, Starwolf. Really very much appreciated to know someone is out there listening and can help with support and advice.

I live alone so daily it's a struggle when there's no one at home to talk to, especially if it's been a really bad day. I feel I can't talk to my friends for so many reasons: most of them have young kids which makes it impossible to talk to them at the best of times; other friends are overseas or constantly busy at work; other friends are in relationships with partners that wouldn't want me taking them all to myself; other friends have no idea of my struggle and I would feel uncomfortable telling; my mother constantly worries about me even when I am well so I really don't want to tell her, especially as rather than trying to listen, she wants to try to "fix" me and the world around me, eventually giving me a list of things I should be doing which just makes me worse. And makes her worse as I know she will lie awake all night worrying about me.

Yes some of my family and friends are aware of my struggles with depression and anxiety. What makes it worse is that I heard through the grapevine that I've now been callously and unfairly labelled a "drama queen" as a result of me reaching to people when I've been suffering. So that makes it worse. Knowing that even within my friends and family, mental health has been stigmatized so that I no longer feel comfortable reaching out to certain loved ones.

Anyhow, thanks for listening. I needed to vent. I shall be taking a look at that article you suggested.

I think a call to BB is in order since I can't seem to find anyone close to talk to. And I have to pluck up the courage to approach my GP about referring me back to my previous Psychologist.

Do you have much knowledge about the Health Care plans under Medicare? I already have one under this scheme for another two physical ailments unrelated to my depression. Is it possible to get another health care plan for mental health reasons or am i only entitled to one per 12months?

I saw a psychologist previously for 6 visits under a Medicare health care plan, which is great when you're a low income earner. The majority of Psychologists don't bulk bill unfortunately.

Thanks again for your support.

Great service!!

GG

[Starwolf]

Thank you for the kind feedback.

I am not sure what the rules are re multiple health plans. They may vary from one state to the other. I know existing ones can be extended if deemed necessary. It would be a question for your treating doctor to answer.

I agree that stigmatization is a self perpetuating nuisance. A vicious circle. Due to ignorance, the general public tends to evade the issue whichever way they can. It doesn't necessarily mean that people don't care. Just that they feel out of their depth and have no idea how to. So they end up saying/doing unhelpful things or dismissing the ssue. This deters sufferers from speaking out. And so ignorance hangs around.

Undergoing treatment means your loved ones would be given the opportunity to go along to one of your appointments to have a chat with your therapist. A professional's words and advice are usually taken more seriously than face to face conversation with someone who has been deemed unstable...or a drama queen. Another alternative is to hand over printed info or leave it lying around the place. Some of it can be ordered free of charge (see the Get support section, top left of this page). Knowing what it is you are up against would enable those around you to give understanding and support instead of ignoring your distress and bringing you down.

Things are changing, though slowly. To some extent, we can all be part of this change to try speed it up a little.

Meanwhile, please do not hesitate to call a helpline. There are times when we all need to talk things through with someone who cares and knows what we are talking about. It would help you shed some of the overload weighing you down. Pent up feelings and emotions need an outlet. That's what helplines are here for.

[Guest_128]

Hey there,

sorry you are in this crapy state.

Maybe try a new gp for your MH just say you haven't been living here for so long.

Come join the social threads as well,we are funny but we also learn a lot there too.

Dory

[D_B]

Hi GG

i just joined up in desperation and read your post. Blubbering the whole way through. Somehow hearing someone describe exactly the way I battle, is awful. I cry for hours before I go to work then when I get home. So tired. I don't think I can hide much longer. I'm sorry this probably doesn't help you.there it is, the first time I've almost said it out loud. I wish you well

[White_Rose]

Dear DB

Hello and welcome. It is such a relief to know you are not the only person trying to manage their mental illness. I used to cry for long periods of time and I believed that no one else knew about depression or how it felt. The day I discovered other people were in the same boat as me was amazing. I did know that others were depressed in the same way I 'knew' many facts without actually experiencing them. Depression is different because no one wants to talk about it and certainly those who had no experience rarely knew what to say.

Crying is exhausting. Do you have anyone with you who can help and support you? Family and friends make a big difference when we are fighting this illness. May I suggest you go to the Depression forum and read the posts there. I am presuming you are depressed. I think it's good to read other posts on this issue because you can pick up tips and join in the conversation with others. You can also start a thread of your own if you feel up to it.

Mary

[White_Rose]

Hello GG

Welcome to the forums. A mental health plan is different to the other GP plans where you get services from say a dietician, physio etc. These are professionals which Medicare does not usually rebate. A GP Mental Health plan (GPMH) works in a similar way. You can have a GPMH as well as the other types. As you know you get six visits initially. If the psychologist says you need more then you can have a further four sessions. I understand that it is also possible to have further sessions within the 12 months, but that requires the psych to liaise with your GP.

As we are getting towards the end of the year it may well be your ten sessions will take you to the end of the year and next year you can start again with another ten sessions. By that time I hope your psych will have been able to help you significantly.

A thought here. You can also be referred to a psychiatrist. Their fees are always subsidised by Medicare. It's another option to explore. The fees charged by a psychiatrist are often well above the Medicare rebate leaving you with a large gap payment. If you are receiving benefits from CentreLink or have a low income health care card you will reach the Medicare safety net limit quite quickly, based on your out of pocket expenses. Once you do that the rebate from Medicare covers the majority of the cost leaving you with a $10-$20 gap payment, unless the psychiatrist has huge fees.

If you decide this may be an option check with the psychiatrist first about fees and also check with Medicare about the safety net. While it is expensive to start with and a drain on your resources, once you reach your limit the fee cost will reduce. I hope this all makes sense.

I am sad that you have been so unfairly and cruelly misrepresented. We know that depression is a hard place to be and a long journey. You need the help and support of your family and friends. People say writing in here is helpful and they enjoy talking with those who are travelling the same road. So continue talking with us.

If you feel down at any time remember you can always phone the BB helpline which is available 24/7. The number is 1300 22 4636. You can also read the BB information on depression. Look under The Facts at the top of the page. You can download many of the information sheets and ask BB to send you any of the booklets in the information section. Have a look round. As Starwolf says, giving other printed material from BB can make a difference.

Mary