Hi All,
I experienced my first manic episode three months after I had my second child, more than 10 years ago. The combination of sleepless nights, a hyperactive thyroid gland and pregnancy hormones all made for a spectacular breakdown. I imagined the neighbours were out to torment me, setting up speakers around the house to keep me awake. After harming myself, I managed to convince my husband to take me to the nearest Mental Health Emergency Department. I was voluntarily admitted to a locked ward in a public hospital mental health unit. Four days later I was transferred to a private unit where I could care for my baby while I was being cared for myself.
Almost 11 years on, I finally feel I am better understanding my bipolar illness. This has been achieved through the help of a wonderful psychiatrist, psychologists, medication trial and error, and a fantastic private mental health unit that provides both inpatient and outpatient care. It has also required much effort on my part: bipolar education courses; A.C.T. courses, and almost constantly monitoring my mood, activity and how my relationships are doing. Most important of all, my family and friends.
Only this week my psychiatrist that one of my strengths is also my main weakness....I keep up appearances despite what is going on inside.
My bipolar illness has been neither gradual or linear. Upon reflection I had my first depressive episode when I was living away from home to study at university. By the end of first year I pleaded with my mother to let me come home, I didn't like the course. She told me I had to finish it. I suspect I also experienced my first manic episode in fourth year and self-medicated with alcohol.
Basically from then on, any major life event caused a depressive episode. Moving overseas, moving interstate, break-ups, changing jobs. A back injury resulted in my being unable to work in my chosen profession. Work time pressure. Interpersonal conflict. Pregnancies times two.
I have worked hard on my recovery. I now know when I am about to get unwell, early sickness symptoms. I can change my medications and contact my psychiatrist, or see my psychologist. Get back to basics: eat well, sleep well and get sunlight and exercise.
I know that, above all, "that I would be well-missed if I ever left", my best friend, a psychologist. I know the single most important thing is to surround yourself with kind people, including yourself.
