Hi everyone.
Never really though of joining this type of forum as I’m so used to being ignored by people I thought would care. I’m not exactly a spring chicken, at 47! I’ve been living with depression and pain ever since a car accident in 1993. Not major, but enough to trigger a back injury, resulting in Long term chronic pain. A lot of people live with that, but the thought of it for a young person seemed to start me on my depression. At the time, I was prescribed antidepressants (which made me more depressed), sleeping pills (which kept me awake), pain killers which had little to no success, and a 2 year legal battle. The depression lingered on but I pretty much managed to cope drug free. I had relationship issues which took me right to the edge, where I ended up hurting others (psychologically, not physically) and live with guilt over that. Eventually, I got married to my 1st relationship issue (thinking my worries were over), and am currently married with 3 kids. Now it feels like they don’t care about me. There’s no “I love you daddy” or anything from the kids. My wife can’t seem to bear any emotion or affection towards me and turns away when I try to show some, with too many excuses to list. I feel more alone now, than I did when I was a long term depressed single guy. Doesn’t help I do rotational shift work around dead people, but it’s a good paying job I can’t afford to change (too many bills and they keep selling me faulty lotto tickets). I have a morbid sense of humour which, in my line of work, you need just as a coping mechanism considering what I see all the time. I think it’s the only thing that has kept me going lately. Also didn’t help after losing my parents (dad in 2003 and mum in 2012). But my sense of humour helped me cope with my mum’s death. Now I kinda just cope day to day, but some days it gets to the point I think my family is better off without me. I guess that’s why I signed up to this site... to know I’m not alone. I hope my introduction wasn’t too long and boring!
