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Hard times

Community Member
I don't know where to start, after 40 years of depression and anxiety, PTSD, mental and physical abuse the loss of my husband and son from suicide and a drug overdose, the loss of my mother and 2 uncles this year, chronic autoimmune syndrome, a totally dysfunctional family, I could write a book and no one would believe it. A thought popped into my head about 2 weeks ago, I have a choice! So simple right? So complex. I have decided to be selfish, I am going to stop having people around me that don't understand me, that won't let me be who I am, stop the people who keep trying to "help me" by organising my life. My garden is my quiet place, I don't like people but am really OK with my own company. I might be quite weird to some but I have survived! I realised it doesn't matter what people/family think of me. Thankyou to Beyond Blue for all those times I've rung you and thought I was way past helping. Yes it's a daily process for me, one day at a time but at least these are my choices, if I need a day in bed, it's ok, if I don't want to go out, it's ok,if I don't want to answer my phone, I don't. For the rest of my life, I choose me! The realisation that there is no right or wrong with my life as long as it's not hurting anybody else is mind blowingly liberating! Yes, I will still go up and down, yes I will always need medication, I will always need a third person to help me through my bad days but they are all my choices. I have never written any of this down, thanks so much for letting me finally share what travels through my head everyday at a million miles an hour and some days a little bit slower
3 Replies 3

Hi Janthina,

We are so sorry to hear about what you have gone through, it sounds so hard. It is great that you are reaching out here and calling Beyond Blue. It takes a lot of courage and strength to reach out for support. The community will be here to listen and chat with you.

For further support you can reach out to:

Standby Support After Suicide 1300 727 247
Griefline 1300 845 745
Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467

We also encourage you to see your GP to help connect you with a psychologist, if you aren't already seeing one.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Janthina, it's good to hear what you have decided to do, and I think many people would agree with you but are unfortunately forced into having to do what others expect of you, but if you find peace and tranquillity with the support you can contact when needed, that's part of recovering in your own way.

Best wishes.


Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Janthina,

A very warm and caring welcome to the forums..

Im so sorry about all the losses in your life..my heart goes out to you...

I don’t think you are selfish at all by wanting and being self aware of your needs and putting yourself first...After years of depression, loss and hurt you are so very deserving to look after your needs first....thats called self care and it’s so much needed for us to be able to do that...

My veranda is my quiet place, wher I sit on my old lounge and watch the bird life around me, as well as the cows grazing opposite my home....something in nature just soothes our souls and replenishes our bodies...

Thank you for your inspirational post about self caring for ourselves....

Hope to see you around the forums..

Kind thoughts with my care and a warm hug..