Halfpenny

[Halfpenny]

Hi, I have never done this before, although close to ringing at one stage. I have always put on a strong front to family and friends. I was strong going through cancer, mainly on my own, but I beat it, and now I wonder sometimes why I fought so hard. Financially I am now in a different place, where I never thought I would be. I tell myself 'what's the point' in struggling mentally, physically and financially. Tears flow daily, and feel alone, even though I have lovely friends, but feel that I couldn't impose on them. I have been to a Counsellor, but they are not available at a moments notice. In 2010 , the first time I felt such depression, my husband was leaving me.

I feel embarrassed at the thought of going to my local hospital, and wouldn't know what to expect, or what they can do.

Today has been a bad day, although I am feeling a bit better at writing this. Not sure how the rest of the day will go.

[blondguy]

Hello Halfpenny

Apologies for the late reply, we are usually pretty quick!

Welcome to the forums and having the courage to post too!

I think you are a amazing person to have kept your strength so intact considering what you have gone through

The financials can be a pain in the rump for sure.....and can really give our mental well being a hard time too

I am sorry that you are so continually sad despite the brave face to family & friends

I understand as I have had depression for 21 years and take meds. Prior to that I had acute anxiety attacks for 13 years....The biggest help I had was agreeing to see a community mental health care worker every week for six months (psychiatric nurse) I didnt want to at all....(because I thought I could self heal..whoops..bad idea)

He had me crying like a baby after 3 weeks.....I felt embarrassed, uncomfortable.......until a couple of days after when I felt 'free' again.....I kept seeing him and he reduced the awful ongoing sadness/anxiety by about 80% 🙂

There are many kind people on the forums that have similar pain as you do Halfpenny. We are more than happy to be here for you! Even if you just need to vent or chat.

Please dont feel embarrassed in any way. Depression is the same as a physical illness.....Its partially chemical based which makes it part physical anyway.....People just cant see the crutches we have to use

you are far from alone here Halfpenny

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[TBella]

Hello Halfpenny

Thank you for your courage to share your story.

I can't really add much to what Paul said to you- he said it all so beautifully.

I just wanted you to know, my heart goes out to you, I feel your grief. And I just wanted you to know, you're not alone. I'm here to listen any time you need.

I don't know your financial situation but I do understand the stress of struggling financially. In terms of some help/ support, if you have a health care card you may be entitled to 10 free sessions with a psychologist. You need a mental health plan from your GP. Even if you don't have a health care card it may be good idea to talk to your GP, I am sure they would be able to point you in the right direction to get some sort of support.

I wish you well & send you a big hug 🤗

I hope to hear from you again soon.

Kindest Regards

TBella

[geoff]

hello Halfpenny, it's always good to welcome new people to the site just as Paul and TBella have done so,this means that people do care about your concerns and want to support you in every way we can.
Such an enormous effort to beat your cancer, however unfortunately now you are struggling with depression plus financial issues, the two of these always go hand in hand.
Some people do feel embarrassed about going to hospital, but when your counsellor is not available and you feel in fear of doing something to yourself then you must go to hospital, there will be people who can speak with you, where you can cry and tell them what difficulty you are having.
Whether your depression has come about because your husband is leaving you is certainly a significant reason because two people marry because they love each other, but once this is broken then depression will happen to at least one of you.
One thing you have to do is take everything step by step and try not to pile everything up on top of each other, because if you do then it will all become too much.
Please let us know how you are feeling. Geoff. x

[White_Rose]

Dear Halfpenny

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue.I am so pleased you have found us and even more that you have trusted us with your story. Depression is a hard place to be and it is not often someone manages to find their way out without help from someone else. Beating cancer is a huge victory. I had breast cancer two years ago. I had surgery followed by radiation treatment and I am now in the follow up/monitoring stage. Three more years. This is my second brush with breast cancer.

I find it helpful to think of my depression as the Black Dog, which is what Winston Churchill called his depression. Yes, even great leaders have mental health issues. There are often newspaper stories of well-known sports stars who have struggled with depression. You are most definitely not alone here.Why I like the black dog analogy is because we all know how an untrained dog will jump up to lick you to death, bark loudly and often, run after items being blown by the wind and chew up your best shoes. Your job is to teach this dog some manners and how to behave, both in public and private. It does not work very well by hiding.

May I ask, how did you find your counsellor? Have you talked to your GP? TBella has remarked on the GP mental health plan. Anyone can access this service. You do not need to be in receipt of a pension of any sort. The fee the psychologist charges may be smaller for a person with a pension. Medicare will pay a large chunk of the fee but there is usually a gap payment to be paid by you. It is a good process but unfortunately you are only entitled to ten visits in the calendar year. This may not be sufficient for your needs.

Another alternative is to have a referral to a psychiatrist. Their fees have a Medicare benefit for as long as the psych and GP feel you need their help. Then there are many organisations that have counselling services which are often free or a small payment. These can include Relationships Australia, Anglicare, I think the Salvation Army and other local organisations which offer free or low cost counselling. Not sure if you have talked to your GP and come up with a plan to manage your depression. I urge you to take this first step and discuss how you feel and what would be the best way to help you.

I hope you will get back to us and tell us a little more about yourself.

Mary

[Halfpenny]

Hello to all that answered my Post, I am most grateful. I have had a better day today, a friend rang and said, like you, that I should mention my sadness to my doctor. I always put up a strong front when I am face to face with friends or the doctors, I feel they would think me of being weak if I don't, but I am learning to accept help. I am waiting for an appointment with a Psychologist. Thx again, will be back.

[White_Rose]

Hello Halfpenny

Your story is similar to many others about keeping up a brave front when all you want to do is cry etc. So pleased you have arranged an appointment with a psychologist. I hope you will let us know how helpful this is.

Wearing a mask in public can be exhausting. It takes a tremendous amount of work to keep smiling when you are falling apart. I suggest you have a look round this forum and read the various pieces of information that are available. Start with the blue tabs at the top of the page. You can download information or send for hard copies free of charge.

We all know how hard it is to admit we need help. There will be people who tell you to "Pull up your socks, get on with life, stop complaining" etc. And this can be very hurtful and makes you doubt your right to get help. This is most certainly not true here. We know how vital it is get help and admit you are not coping well. I remember how I used to go to work every day putting my shoulders back at the door to the office, pinning on a smile and walking in. One day I got as far as my desk and collapsed into tears. The whole office went quiet until a colleague came to my rescue. Talk about embarrassing.

Not the best way to announce I was in trouble. My colleague took me to a nearby doctor who gave me a referral to a psychiatrist. My colleague made the appointment for me. These simple actions were so wonderful to me. I cannot describe the relief I found knowing I was not going nuts, that others cared about me and my health. I hope you will keep writing in here and let us know how you are going.

Mary