Guess I just need to get it out

[Faith_10]

Hi

I'm 61and I somehow thought that I would have sorted this stuff out by now.

Oh I've got a few issues like most people but at the moment it's my job that's causing me the most stress.

Due to my years of experience I was given a slightly more responsible position in my new job , however I am considerably older than everyone and initially was practically ignored and given menial tasks, to the point that I would drive home crying in my car .

Then after a few weeks they realised I knew what I was doing and started berating me for "not stepping up"

So I just kept to doing the less skilled tasks and excelling at them. Leading to more remarks.

By this time I have lost all confidence in myself, I assume they all hate me , laugh at me and talk behind my back .So I start taking time off, more and more and I'm lying to my husband saying I'm going to work every day I handle the finances so he dosent realise.

But this just makes me hate myself more , I can't bear him to look at me the same way they do so I don't tell him

I am so tired all the time I can't sleep, I ve had anxiety and depression before and I can't bear to rock up to my GP and get the antidepressants that I can't tolerate.

I don't think I'm a bad person, I would never intentionally make anyone else feel bad, so what is it about me that is unlikeable,

I keep saying right pull yourself together and I can fake it but not for long.

This reads a bit pathetic, I'm sorry

[Banksy92]

Hi Faith.10,

Please don't apologise, your message does not read pathetic at all. It takes incredible strength to be honest, vulnerable and reach out for help when you need it - which is exactly what you've done. So for starters, please be proud of yourself for taking the first and often hardest step.

I am so sorry to hear how poorly you've been treated at work by your team. No one deserves to be treated this way and you do not deserve this at all. I think it's understandable that you've wanted some time off to get away from it all.

It's also completely fine that you don't want a doctor to put you on medication to help, that's always your choice. I am wondering though, if perhaps you would be open to speaking to a doctor about seeing a counsellor or psychologist? You can get a group of sessions bulk billed on a mental health care plan. Having someone in your corner to talk through things safely and privately is a really healthy and helpful step.

Have you also considered speaking to a manager/boss at work about how you've been feeling? Perhaps they could help you arrange some personal leave while you work through this time. Or even discuss options for how you'd like your role to look and what your goals are?

One more question, are you able to be honest with your partner about what's going on? It must be really difficult holding on to all of this each day. I'm sure they would want to support you however they can.

I hope something in here helps - thinking of you.

Look forward to earing from you so see how you're going.

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

firstly, I want you to know that what you wrote is not pathetic in any sense of the word. That you are struggling is one thing. It does not sound like a pleasant environment if you are being berated for the work you are doing. If you knew what brought me here to the forums a few years ago, I could make a similar comment about myself

However, there are things that happen of what people say can have a negative effect on how we view ourselves.

I am also guessing from your wording you have not been able to talk to anyone about this?

I also noted you feared going back to your GP re medication. I can understand if what you were using did not work. I wonder though if you told them about the effect of the prev. medication they may be able to give you something else.

My final thoughts are (1) how you feel after writing the post and (2) since you previously had anxiety and depression previously, did you speak with a professional about this? And what tools you have to help you now?

Listening to you.

[HappyHelper88]

Hello Faith Thank you for sharing,

i don't think anyone at any age has it all sorted, I am so sorry that you were treated like that, how horrible!
It sounds like even though this may be a good job this environment is just toxic and anyone in that situation would be feeling the same. But I think you should tell someone superior what is going on because its not okay!

I understand the feeling of not wanting to go to your GP as you had a bad experience but they could refer you to a psych who could help, you would really benefit from talking to someone about this

Not pathetic at all