Getting worse

Special_k · ‎02-11-2017

Hi there, I'm a 44 yr old male, first time posting. I don't know whether I'm here for help or advice as nothing in the past 9 years at least has helped. I'm sure like everyone else on here, their lives have taken a turn for the worse. I too am in that category. From someone who had his life in somewhat control, to utter disarray. From a warehouse manager to unemployed for the last 2 years. Just scraping on savings. Got a beautiful wife (who doesn't know how to help but has been supportive as much as she could) and 2 beautiful young girls which is the only reason why I haven't committed anything silly as yet. Although I have been close twice! I'm really hanging on a thread. My depression and anxiety levels must be at an all time high. I believe I have fibromyalgia. Although no GP will diagnose me that way. My body (muscles) are in constant pain from head to toe! Find it extremely difficult to do anything. My memory is pretty much shot. I smoke a packet of cigarettes a day, and gave gambled 100's of thousands away. I can only attribute it to my depression! In saying that there is no excuse for what I have put my family through! Only problem is, I don't know what to do to turn my life around, nor do I have the energy! It's a vicious cycle I've put myself in, in which I can't escape. If someone has gone through similar and can lend advice, or help me, it would be greatly appreciated...

White_Rose · ‎02-11-2017

Dear Special K

Welcome to the forums. You are in the right place and I am certain others will be along shortly to talk to you. You said, I don't know whether I'm here for help or advice as nothing in the past 9 years at least has helped. I'm sorry to hear that. Have you had any help from your GP, a psychologist or psychiatrist? These are the people to help you get out of the hole.

I have recently had tests for fibromyalgia/polymyalgia rheumatica/and both arthritis complaints having gone through the pain you describe. Definitely not nice. It seems I have osteoarthritis but the inflammation markers do not fit. My doctor tells me this is sometimes the case. Perhaps you should consult a rheumatologist. I also have regular treatment from a physiotherapist which is incredibly helpful.

The psychiatrist I see also believes that the stress from my depression and trauma also has a bearing on these muscle aches because of our general body tension. If you do not see a mental health specialist it may be a good idea to arrange an appointment through your GP.

I am more concerned about your smoking and gambling. No, not moralising. Just to say smoking has all sorts of health problems apart from the threat of cancer. Getting this under control may be a more effective way of getting rid of your aches and pains. Gambling also comes with its bag of complementary illnesses, stress being one of them. Have you thought about Gamblers Anonymous?

It really is up to you to decide to take charge of your life. There are plenty of people to help you get back on track, but only if you are prepared to work really hard on getting well. Suicide may be the ultimate solution for you but not your family. And yes, I have been there as well. If you are still having these thoughts in any way I suggest you have a chat to this helpline. Suicide Call Back Service. They have a website www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au and their 24/7 helpline is 1300 659 467

Can you post in again and tell us more about yourself including if you have some professional help.

Mary

Croix · ‎02-11-2017

Dear Special_k~

I'd like to join Mary in welcoming you here, which as you say is somewhere people come when their lives have taken a downturn , however it is also somewhere improvement can be found too.

Actually Mary has pretty well covered all bases. You have a supportive partner which is gold. I found that understanding what was in my mind was not as important as care and learning from experience what helped and what did not. For example offering well meaning suggestions could be very annoying as could a presence when I needed to be alone. On the other hand quietly being there at other times, and fixing day to day haslets and tasks for me was a real boon.

You really do sound as if you need medical help. I'd ask the same thing as Mary -are you under treatment? Just talking about reasons for not killing yourself is a danger flag indicating you need to do something straight away, before things get worse.

So medical help, maybe meds, probably therapy. You need to let the doctor know all about it to get effective treatment, and that means including all the unpleasant and frightening things like suicidal thoughts. If you are under treatment the same thing applies, your current regime is ineffective and requires attention.

Which reminds me, there is an excellent free smartphone app on this site called BeyondNow, you load it up, preferable with the help of someone that knows you well, and reach for it when frightened of what you might do or are simply overwhelmed.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning

The suggestion of The Suicide Call Back Service is excellent, competent, caring, a relief to talk to.

I've said a fair bit, though not covered everything. You might like to return and say what you think

Croix

Gambling too needs specialized help, all of these things on your own are really too much for one person.

Princess_Bonjela · ‎02-11-2017

Hi Special K, I'm new here too. I know it feels like nothing can help but sometimes it's just a matter of finding counsellors and doctors who suit you and that you have a connection with. And that can mean some trial and error. I would recommend talking to a GP you like and trust, or find one that you do and organise some counselling sessions.

I also think multiple-pronged attacks work best with these issues. Such as support groups, connecting with people on forums, alternative medicine etc. For example I try to attend Mass on Sundays and do hypnotherapy as well as seeing my GP and counsellor regularly.

I would also like to say that you are very blessed: a supportive wife and two beautiful children. If you're worried about taking the first steps, perhaps you could bring your wife with you to the GP for moral support, and who can attest to your symptoms from an outsider's perspective and prompt you if you get flustered. (Don't worry, it's not weird, I'm in my twenties and I still bring my mum to appointments lol)