Gettin Old & Never Dealt With My Problems .The pain Meds masked it all.

[rustee_nails]

in the last year i've slowly under doctors supervision ,given up strong and also weak medication. after having already this decade given up a long formed drinking habit(now i'm just your regular drinker. not the kind of russian drinking i used to do).

So,I'm about 40 and have just got together enough physically and mentally to join reality again. but,

i've lived a life where every moment has been physical torture. for 13 straight years.

before that i was a kid playing games with grown ups who weren't playing.

before that i had a ...life less hard than either of my parents and that made it ok in their eyes.

i've gotten down to the point where my muscle relaxant is so low i've had to ask for sleeping pills

because for 2 straight weeks now i've had non stop nightmares even on meds that should stop that.

i have bad reactions with anti depressants and my life is riddled with pain so there is no reason for me to not be depressed,

so i have tried every kind and many variations of antidepressants & not only were the side affects to severe for me to abide,

but most couldn't be taken without alcohol and i've tried not drinking and it always ends in me cracking .

so being on meds that don't mix with alcohol is not an option.

I'm not going to describe what i've done to naturally remove depression because it would be quicker to list what i haven't done.

everything short of not drinking. therapy never worked but a trauma councelor is kinda helping.

1. I keep my physical Health in check(as appropriate.)

2. I keep My mental health in check(as appropriate.)

3. I regularly look for new research.

peace

[blondguy]

Hi Rustee

You have really been going through some dark periods...thats for sure..I understand your anguish

I think what you are currently doing is pro-active and great.

The difficulty is that AD's arent a fix all...they only provide us with a platform on which we can heal more effectively. Ive been on a popular AD for 21 years and it reduced the bad lows and the acute anxiety.

I used to have chronic anxiety since 1983 which morphed into depression in 1996.

Became stuck in my house in 1987 (acute anxiety) and a community psychiatric nurse came out and spent an hour with me. He made me agree to weekly therapy at the community center. I was reluctant but said yes and he had me crying like a baby after 3 visits (about all the crap in my life)..Six months later I was so much better.

Depression is a serious illness just like diabetes or heart disease...I feel its partially physical (chemically based) which just for me makes my small dosage of AD a must. Its like telling a diabetic to think happy thoughts to replace their insulin....Sometimes we need the meds....and I have a beer too!

I wasted 13 years trying to self heal and in the end my GP's had to really read me the riot act.

I take an anti anxiety med (small one) every night for 21 years as well. The nightmares...the grinding of teeth and night sweats have never returned 🙂

I respect that your therapy didnt work for you Rustee. Super frequent counselling (and being 100% open) will reduce the nightmares. (maybe another counselor?)

The nightmares are also a red flag letting you know that you have a lot on your plate to deal with....Finding even some peace will make these nightmares merely a memory.....They will reduce when your quality of life picks up...even just a little

Great stuff that the trauma counselor is working a little...excellent.

The more honest the communication with a counselor (letting them know everything) the better the results with alleviating the anguish and finding some peace. They are there to press uncomfortable buttons so we can vent (cry) the bad stuff that we have been holding on to. Yes its uncomfortable but is one of the ways to find your way out of the dark room 🙂

I really do feel your pain Rustee, I hope some of this has been of help to you

Thanks for your help on the other posts too 🙂 I really hope you can stick around!

my kind thoughts

Paul

[rustee_nails]

thanks a lot. it makes a huge difference just to have somebody tell me that the nightmares will end.

i don't even dream so it's confronting to say the least.and my doc and concillor both told me they

didn't know when they'd end. which ,reminiscent of my worst ever LSD experience, when my wife asked

me if we should call an ambulance and i said, i didn't know. she just wanted to hear something reassuring.

instead i gave her a ten hour bad trip with that tiny bit of doubt in my voice, that both my doc and my councillor

also had when they said they didn't know. they're not incompetent .it's the 5th therapist i've gone thru in 2

years trying to find someone who comes close to understanding.so where some well educated psyches failed,

i'm doing better with the less educated one. and my doc knows i'm taking pressure from every side

you can imagine,physical ,mental ,emotional ,financial,

i'm sure he knew the nightmares would go within a short time

and has spent his time to be there to put his hand on my

shoulder for things so much worse than nightmares .

he's been very encouraging in my want to be drug free.

so thanks very much for what you did for me too.

i'll try to come back but i was literally addicted to forums 🙂

i don't think this is the validation i should be striving for in life,

but to be there for somebody who is strugglin like i was last night

is something that needs to be paid forwards or else why bother being human.

peace

[blondguy]

Hey Rustee

Really appreciate you posting back (and the kind compliments too)

You mentioned "you can imagine,physical ,mental ,emotional ,financial" as ongoing external pressure points...I hear you loud and clear. I am fortunate as I dont have the chronic physical pain but the mental,emotional and financial factors are very real to me.

You have had the same success with a lesser qualified counselor too. My therapist was a lowly and humble community based psychiatric nurse...he was the legend that helped me find my way

You are not alone here Rustee.....there are many caring people on the forums that also suffer from similar serious issues that can be here for you 🙂

My heart goes out to you and the dark place you were in

Peace 2

Paul