First time poster, long time worrier

[Tarzy_Bee]

Hi all, am new here and not sure how this all works yet. So I'm 34 yrs old and have suffered anxiety attacks daily since i was 7/8. Didn't understand what they were until i was 13 and dr told my mum i have anxiety/panic disorder. My whole life my family and friends have never understood what this means for me and how it affects my life but think that just because I don't look like i have a mental health problem then it mustn't be too bad. Every minute of every day is a struggle for me and in the past two years i have been diagnosed with depression.

Why do people even say "how's it going?" People don't really care how you're going but they want to be polite which totally defeats the purpose of the question when the reality is that it's polite to actually care how someone is going. R u ok? Is another gem, for someone who suffers with depression that question is never going to get a better response than "yeah im fine" from me because if I had the ability to actually talk to someone about how I really am I wouldn't be as depressed in the first place and someone saying "you don't seem ok" only makes me feel worse because it takes everything i have to constantly say in my head "ur ok, ur ok, ur ok" just so i can even stand and attempt to face the world and so it seems better to internalise my problems than talk to someone who may just trivialise them and offer a logical solution to them which my depressed mind takes as a criticism that if I was normal I would of came to the same conclusion but instead something in me turns every little thing into a mountain. I am tired. Tired of fighting with this feeling that tells me i will never have peace. So I sleep when the world is awake because that is the only time I feel better.

[Mathy]

Hey TarzyBee and a warm welcome to you 🙂

I’m Mathy and I live with PTSD/Anxiety and Depression, I am 61yo.

I can see that you’re hurting, but I’m a little muddled about your situation - which is my bad 🙂

Are you able to go to your GP and discuss this? If yes, then you can establish a mental health plan, which will give you some (6?) visits to a psychologist/counsellor/psychiatrist, with a Medicare rebate to help you with the costs.

I work in retail, so it’s a “team thing” to say “Hi, how are you” to your team. When I’m feeling OK, this feels ok, but when I’m not, it feels false and superficial. Is this what you mean? If you do, yes, it is debilitating to project an “up” vibe, when you’re feeling like crap, I totally understand.

Please post back and let us know how you’re doing, all the best, cheers M 🙂

[geoff]

hello Tarzy Bee, I am sorry it's been a real struggle, and no mental illness may not show on someone's face, and when someone says to me that they are 'fine' is a give away that they're not, it's their pretend way to say they're OK, but once they start talking something said indicates they're not.
Depression and anxiety go hand in hand, so if you have one of these the other one is right behind it, but when someone is talking with you they don't realise that and the conversation may only centre around one of these.
This maybe some help but deep below is the other illness which also has a large impact on you, the trouble is when you tell a friend about how you feel, in hindsight, you're not sure whether they will still be around to help you, or whether they vanish.
When you were young were you given any medication and if not then you should go to your doctor who will probably prescribe some type of AD (antidepressant)and want to refer you onto a psychologist.
Now it's time you should 'grab the bull by the horns' and organise an appointment. Geoff.