First discovering depression

[BBUser18]

Hi, recently I have been feeling very down and have thoughts of suicide most nights when I am alone. I am a very shy and reserved person which means that I find it hard to open up to doctors and I find it even harder to tell my parents that I am having these thoughts of suicide. Does anyone know how I can gain the confidence to reach out. Does anyone have a good way of coping with these feelings, just before bed when I am alone is the worst of them where I constantly feel as if I want to take my life but I’m too scared to go through with it, how can I get myself out of these thoughts? Usually I try to go to sleep but that leads me to having horrible dreams and a disrupted sleep. School is great for taking my mind off of things but I hate being around so many people that seem so happy when I don’t feel happy at all. The thing that’s getting me through is that I have plans for my life and wish to pursue them but I just keep on getting caught up in bad thoughts and it feels as if it’s 1 step forward and 2 steps back.

[smallwolf]

Hi,

welcome to beyond blue.

It sounds to me like you might overthinking things before you go to sleep. And this would be natural for anyone that is feeling stressed about things. What I had to do was to find a way to "empty" my mind of negative thoughts before sleep. My psychiatrist gave me information on "sleep hygiene" and my psychologist told (?) to install an app called "virtual hope box" on my phone, and "relax melodies" and use these before sleep. If you have a phone and are able to, I would recommend that you have a look at these.

Now while you might be shy, you were able to post here which is a big step. You might be able to use one of the following services to get help...

• Headspace, ages 12-25, also have a free online 1:1 chat here - headspace.org.au/eheadspace/
• Kids Helpline, anyone under the age of 25, have a free 1:1 chat here - kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling and a 24/7 number 1800 55 1800

The only think that I would ask you is whether you feel that you would be able to write a note, or print out your post above and give it to your parents? If not your parents, is there a teacher or counsellor at school that you could speak to?

There are many pages that give tips on gaining confidence. The only thing I will say is that it takes time, and won't happen overnight. I find that www.psychologytoday.com is an OK site to go to for information. You could check that site out for ideas on this topic.

The alternative is you talk here for a bit until you feel you are able to talk to someone?

Tim