Feeling like a burden to my friend

[Evelyn99]

Hello all, I’m currently in Austraila with my friend (we are both English.) I’ve had social anxiety for the majority of my teens (I’m now 20) but only beginning to really understand it, I always just thought I was shy but over the last year or so it has progressed into something much bigger than that.

I hate meeting new people and whenever somebody looks or talks to me I go incredibly red. It is humiliating, and the more I think and worry about theses situations the worse it gets. I wish in any social situation nobody would look at me or talk to me, I could be an observer of a conversation but never have to contribute. My friend is very outgoing and friendly and I don’t want to feel like I’m holding her back due to my anxiety.

I am in a constant state of worry I’m going to annoy her or she hates me, or I’m going to say or do something stupid to offend her (or other people too) and it’s really starting to get me down. Every time she looks at me funny I’m so nervous I’ve done something wrong, and I can’t help feeling like a massive burden to her.

I’ve tried talking to her about my anxiety a little bit but I don’t think she understands the extent of how I’m feeling (and whether trying to talk to her about it is annoying in itself) She says things like “everybody feels anxious” Which makes me feel like the way I’m feeling is being over dramatic or something I can just get over. I don’t think she means to do it it’s just, unless u have social anxiety it’s impossible to understand how someone with it feels.

Thanks everyone for reading and if anybody has any advice for me it would be much appreciated 😊

[PamelaR]

Hi Evelyn and welcome to our forums

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm pleased you've found your way here. You'll find you are not alone, that there are many of us who experience social anxiety. Each of us have different ways of managing our anxiety. Not one way suits everyone.

I'd imagine, being away from home doesn't help you either. The constant change that occurs when you're travelling can take it's toll. Meeting new people, being in new places, not knowing what is going to happen. For me, there is a sense of lack of control. Is that how you sometimes feel too?

I'm not a health professional, but from my own experience, I know the constant being with people feels draining, tiring and frightening. I just have to escape! Are you able to get some alone time? Could you go to a library or somewhere on your own just for coffee?

Getting better means gaining control over worry. A number of psychological treatments have shown to help people with GAD, but cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) produces the most consistent and long-lasting improvements. It appears that the following components of treatment are most important:

• An approach where people are taught skills to manage their anxiety, as well as taking responsibility for change and control over their thoughts, feelings, and behaviour.
• Actively identifying and challenging worrying thoughts.
• Relaxation training (usually a form of progressive muscle relaxation) to control physical tension.

Do you have a doctor you see here in Australia? Do you think you can get a referral to a psychologist to help? I think Australia has a reciprocal medicare arrangement with the UK. You can ask you doctor when you see him. It may help to look a medication to, to help you settle a little.

Hope some of this helps Evelyn.

Kind regards

PamelaR