Feeling Beyond Blue

[LavenderBlue]

Hi,

I've been blue at many times during my 60 years on the planet (minus the first 10 years of childhood!) but today I've passed into what I'd describe as beyond blue...into blackness. So in despair, I decided to join BB's forum in the hope it would help shed some light onto what I'm going through.

I have had the blues to greater or lesser extent at certain stressful (and non stressful) periods of my life and have dealt with it mainly through exercise and some therapy. Other less positive methods I've used were alcohol (which I have finally discarded and no longer use to self medicate) and am still using anti-anxiety medication (which is only a temporary fix and am aware of it's addictive nature, so I try to use only when necessary)

The past few years have seen changes to my life that have been difficult to cope with. And with children leaving, returning and leaving home again....as well as a partner who is a FIFO worker.....I find myself waving goodbye a lot and feeling left behind, empty and alone.

Mornings are the worse....awaking very early, after a broken night's sleep, to feelings of high anxiety, dread, stomach churning, a feeling of paralysis....which requires a lot of willpower to actually get up and moving.

So...just a slice of my blues as an introduction! I feel like I should say something upbeat and positive now so that I don't seem a whining, self pitying person. I try and portray myself as a happy, positive person in life.....but I feel that here, within the BeyondBlue community, I can let that mask fall.

I hope to share in other's stories here...and to gain some better insight and help with my problems.

Thanks for reading this.

LavenderBlue

[Automaton]

Hi Paul,

Thanks for your patience and acceptance. ^_^

I think I understand where you're coming from, too. You are perfectly right that the mind is affected by the body (and vice versa!), and that any imbalance in the body can result in illnesses in the mind.

Being autistic, I'm very practical in this regard, and tend to favour looking at things objectively, so please don't take it personal if I say something that feels arrogant or careless. My intention is not trying to patronise of offend, but instead to share perspectives and help. Please bear that in mind...

Growing up with a reduced ability to know myself (what's going on inside me), due to my alexithymia, has taught me to pay careful attention to the origin of things. (Also, my brain/mind/thinking functions that was as well...) Through my own experience, I have a firm belief that we can solve all our health problems if we manage to dig down to the core and the origin of that problem, listen to our bodies, and aid the body in restoring its natural balance.

Most medications are highly concentrated versions of naturally occurring chemical elements that we would take in (in smaller amounts) in various ways throughout our lives from nature with the help of our instinct, and in that way help the body maintain its balance.

That being said, living in modern human society often puts unnatural pressures on our bodies, and makes us do things our bodies were not designed for day after day, exhausting our resources, and imbalancing us.

I think you can see where I'm coming to. I can understand how medications can be used to help you be more yourself (to a degree), and throw the swing of balance back the counter way, but I still believe that in order to truly heal ourselves we need to pay attention to our body's insight and internal balance, to how things are affecting us, and aid our body in restoring and maintaining its independent, natural state. Only then will we truly feel and be our natural, healthy selves.

I am speaking, of course, from an ideal perspective. I realise that in "real life" we have a lot of other, external things to deal with, and don't always have the ability to take care of ourselves properly, so this is not a judgement, merely a perspective to uphold, and something to strive towards.

Also, keep in mind that our bodies try to adapt, so such a prolonged use of a medication will have caused your body to develop a dependency on its presence -- which makes the return op. more delicate.