My life of depression and anxiety.

Mf428 · ‎09-03-2017

I'm a 25 year old male who has had depression and anxiety issues since the age of about 16. I have always been a shy person and the amount of countless times I have felt absolutely useless by not being able to hold a prolonged occasion has gotten me down many times. Over the last few years, the amount of times I have been in a dark, dark hole has reduced, although the intensity is just as bad, if not even worse. I have no reason to be, which makes it all the more confusing to try and fix. I have an amazing family and at the age of 22 I met my first girlfriend who I am now engaged to and set to marry in the near future. Not just a great fiance, but an absolutely amazing one who can support me through anything.

I worry about having to be out in society full time and not feeling like I have any talent at all in any field to distract me from those thoughts. I managed to get through uni while working full time, no idea how, and have tried a few different jobs since then. Many of them I have not been able to last more than a few days due to the overwhelming anxiety and depressive thoughts about being in an unfamiliar environment. I have been working in the front office for 6 months and love being able to talk to people when they are at their happiest and on break from their usual life. It is when people are upset, angry or stressed I have those creeping doubts come flooding back into my own mind. I love to keep busy but am really struggling to find the passion and talent for anything useful. I worry about being able to provide for a potential future family and wonder how I can keep going in the workplace for such a big part of your life when I struggle so badly with these thoughts. I also worry whether I am doing enough. Could I be doing more to make my situation better? What am I actually doing with myself. Why do I not have any talent and how am I going to get through life with so many pressures? I really have no idea and struggle a lot with it.

Mf428 · ‎09-03-2017

*Conversation, not occasion.

I really don't think it can be about finding a passion anymore, more of finding coping mechanisms from being away from the ones I love while I do the necessary evils out in everyday society.

Mf428 · ‎09-03-2017

*Working in the front office of a hotel

Zeal · ‎09-03-2017

Hey,

Welcome to the forum!

First off, congratulations on your engagement!

I can tell from your post that you are a sensitive, kind and conscientious person, who is unfortunately very self-critical. From one self-critical person to another: it can improve. It's a shame that you think you don't have any talent, and that you spend a great deal of mental energy worrying that you're not doing enough. For me personally, I have become more self-accepting over time. Part of what has helped is seeing positives in my struggles. Personal experience with mental illness led to me studying psychology at uni. I am now studying Postgraduate Counselling and Psychotherapy, and my past with mental illness is more a strength than a weakness! Can you think of an example from your own life?

Here's what I can say about you after reading your post:

You completed a university degree while studying full-time, which shows amazing commitment and competence.
You've maintained a steady job involving front-office work for 6 months, and find communicating with others largely enjoyable at work. Being comfortable talking to people day-in-day out (except when people are in foul moods, which is hard for anyone to deal with) is a big feat when shyness and anxiety are factors.
The depressive symptoms have declined and are less dominant in your life, which is awesome
You have an amazing relationship with family members
and my favourite: you are engaged to your wonderful girlfriend (now fiancé!)

These great things about you and your life are based on only one post, so there would undoubtedly be more!

If you don't mind me asking, have you received any professional mental health help in recent months or years? It's worth checking-in with your doctor (GP) about your mental health. If you've seen a psychologist or similar professional in the past, would you consider making an appointment with them? Mental health telephone helplines are a good source of support too. They do not replace in-person professional help, but they are great when symptoms or thoughts become overwhelming in the moment, such as in-between appointments (if you have regular in-person support). Beyondblue's 24/7 support service is available on 1300 22 4636. There are other helplines available, but this is a general and reliable helpline that I can recommend from personal experience! 🙂

It would be great to hear back from you!

Best wishes,

Zeal

Mf428 · ‎15-03-2017

Hi Zeal, thanks for the really helpful and quick reply. I've mulled over it for a week to see how I have been going, and your message has definitely helped. I have been over a period of 3 or 4 years to see a psychologist, each time starting off in a really low place but slowly building myself back up again. During all these years I have been on medication which I am sure it has helped, although after I get all that great info from the psychologist during those years, I always still seem to drop back to those incredible low points and am really not sure why.