Feel like none of my friends care about me

[labellepomme]

Hey Guys,

I'm new so writing here feels a bit odd. I guess I just need some advice and I'm not sure where to get it from.

So basically, my problems probably aren't that severe compared to a lot of people here so I'm sorry if I sound whiny.

I'm having a hard time lately as I feel like none of my friends care about me, I have no close friends and I'm not sure if I'll ever get any. Throughout my life, I've made a lot of friends who have ditched me or bullied me at some point. I finally found a friend group which I like, but now I'm starting to feel as if not one of them really cares about me.

It was my birthday the other day. We do this thing where we decorate each person's office area on their birthday. Due to my past experiences of not having anyone do this on my birthday in past years, I made sure that I organised the decoration of everyone's lockers on their birthday so no one would feel alone, cos I know how that feels. But my birthday, not one person decorated my space even though I had organised all of theirs.

None of them even seemed to consider it or think of it even though two days earlier I'd mentioned my birthday was coming up and they knew it was my birthday. I just feel like I give to them and they don't care or want to give back to me. It makes me feel as if something is wrong with me.

My boyfriend was shocked they didn't decorate my space. He could probably tell I was upset about it and I'm scared that he'll dump me cos he'll realise that no one likes me or because im so negative. Also someone asked if I was okay the other day and I just burst into tears. I'm worried that this person will now also hate me, because I'm so low. I feel like they'll be like, why can't she just be happy?

I don't know if I'm just overly sensitive or not, but I just feel pretty alone right now. It seems inconceivable that anyone in my life other than my family and maybe my boyfriend wants to maintain a connection with me or do anything for me. And that really hurts.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

Labellepomme

[geoff]

Hello Labellepomme, please can I give you a warm welcome and upset by how you feel and what's been happening to you.

All problems are a concern when it makes you feel terrible so we can't distinguish between person A and person B.

Happy Birthday.

Remember you are worthy of love and care but people in your life are not paying attention to your suffering from being alone.

This could be caused by depression, as you mention negative thoughts but it doesn’t make you any less worthy and sometimes this is what happens to all of us, 'friends' tend to not want anything to do with us, and it's also happened with me and it's most disconcerting.

Somebody has asked you 'if you were OK' so this person has picked up that something isn't right with you, try and reach out to this person, it could be that they too are in the same position or have been in the past, perhaps they are in the group you like.

Can I suggest booking an appointment with your doctor and take your boyfriend for support, they may refer you to a psychologist on a 'mental health plan' this entitles 10 free sessions with a psych.

Write down on a piece of paper or even print out this comment explaining exactly what has happened, then they will help you in building up your confidence, knowing that you do need to realise that you deserve friends to recognise you.

We all need a support group.

Geoff.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi labellepomee,

Happy belated birthday 🙂

You sound like a wonderfully caring, giving and sensitive person. They’re all beautiful qualities in a person.

I know you tried your hardest to make your friends feel cared for and special by decorating their locker/office space. So it must have really stung when they didn’t reciprocate or offer any other birthday gesture. I understand that must have really hurt...I hear what you’re saying.

You seem very lonely and I get that you have many worries and fears. I feel sometimes our fears and worries, real and valid as they are, can play with our thoughts. So I was thinking maybe the thought of “leaving you” hasn’t even crossed your boyfriend’s mind...

Maybe you could try having an open conversation with him rather than guessing what’s on his mind e.g. something along the lines of “i love you but I have been feeling very down lately and I’m wondering how that’s making you feel about me. Can we talk about this?” I don’t necessarily mean verbatim but I suppose maybe it might help to have a heart to heart. It’s just a gentle suggestion that you may or may not find helpful but I figured that I would offer my ideas anyway...

Let us know how you’re going (only if you want to). You’re welcome to write as often as you like as some people find writing helpful.

kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[labellepomme]

Thanks so much geoff and Peppermintbach for your kind words

I do not think I am depressed as I still find lots of joy in life. However, I do think that I am going through a rough patch.

I do also feel quite lonely as I have also not been getting on with my family. Although I know that they do unconditionally love me, at the moment I am finding it very hard to get on with them.

Once again, thankyou for your advice and encouragement.

Labellepomme

[White_Rose]

Dear Labellepomme

Hello and a warm welcome to the forum. I am so sorry you are going through this rough patch and feel miserable. It is always disappointing when our friends forget our special days.

Getting on with people is a bit of an art and we sometimes take a while to learn the 'how to'. It's very easy to make assumptions about the thoughts of others and then act as if these assumptions are correct. You sound like a caring person who is happy to organise special occasions for others. It's lovely to think others will reciprocate but sadly this does not always happen.

Looking out for others is very good so long as you do not lose sight of yourself in the process. You are the best person to care for you. No one else knows your needs as well as you. Take time to look after yourself, to do enjoyable activities on your own, or with others so long as doing something does not depend on others coming along. When you feel comfortable with yourself and feel you are an independent and separate person I believe you will find life even more of a joy.

Our thoughts are only thoughts, not actions, and we can ignore some of these thoughts. I can understand you being a little uncertain about your BF when you feel your other friends do not want to mix with you. It is only a thought and not a binding contract. Your BF has chosen to be with you so why would he want to leave simply because of the actions of others, real or imagined.

If your BF wants to leave I am sure he will say so. Meanwhile enjoy being with him. If you feel you need to talk about it then find a good time and place first. Tell him you are or were upset by the people you work with and it makes you wonder if others feel the same. I imagine there are times when you find it hard to make that distinction and turn to your default setting saying other people don't like me or don't want me around.

Families are difficult at times. Yes they always love us but sometimes they give the impression they don't like us much. There is a difference. Can you talk to one of your family and see how right or wrong you are about getting on with them. They may be totally unaware of how you feel.

I hope you keep posting in here.

Mary