Drinking to escape the loneliness, only to be isolated by it.

[Bigredfish]

Hi all,

Over the last 6 or so years I've had a pretty rough trot. A massive family fallout that ended with me walking away from my business, rotating through a number of jobs since, the decline of my marriage which I discovered that my wife was having an affair leading me to have a full breakdown.

I have seen a doctor who has put me on anti depression medication which has made me develop sleep apnoea so no my wife won't sleep in the same room as me. I'm currently going through sleep testing to see what can be done.

Over this time I have lost a lot of contact with people and over the past few years have grown more and more lonely and depressed. I have always liked having a drink or two but have noticed in recent months that I'm using it as an escape. As soon as I feel the loneliness creeping in I reach for the bottle. This in turn isolates me more and around and around I go. During the week I work big days and don't drink, but Friday Saturday and Sunday are on the cards. I never get aggressive or stupid but it is definitely doing the opposite for me than I want it too.

I have a lot more to work on besides the above, but this is a good start.

Cheers

[Emmen]

Dear Bigredfish,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for opening up about your struggles with alcohol.

The first step to healing is always to recognise the problem, and you have done that very well. I hope you will be able to connect with others who have struggled with alcohol-related problems and find support and encouragement from our community.

All the best in your journey to recovery. Do reach out on this forum any time you need encouragement or support, or if you simply want to share your journey.

Kindly,
M

[Matchy69]

Hi Bigger fish great brave post of yours.It is an easy thing to do is turn to alcohol when you are lonely andepresed and you are not alone many of us do it.I have found my self doing it.I don't have any friends or family to talk to much and get depressed and have a drink hoping for the feeling of feeling good just for a short while.It seems to do the opposite and make me feel more lonely and depressed.I just need a distraction so I don't need a drink.Its easy people say not to drink but in reality it is hard especially when your body starts craving for it.

Tale care,

Mark.

[mocha delight]

Hi bigredfish I may not know what it’s like to be married or anything ect ect ect but I do know what it’s like to have sleep apnea as I discovered I had that as well as being diagnosed with coeliac disease & GORD (the autoimmune side of acid reflux) which are two autoimmune diseases not to mention I have the type of moles most likely to become melanomas which I’ve had two stage one melanomas + one heading that way so we all have problems or health drama as I call it but it’s how you deal with it all that matters. So if you need some to talk to and who knows what it’s like to have sleep apnea I’m here for you ok 🤗

[geoff]

Hello Bigredfish, your first paragraph would involve a great deal and deeply sorry because it brings back a flood of memories.

The reason this has started could be one issue that has lead to all the other problems, that's for you to know and not us to make belief, but anyway, for you it's serious and feel so sorry for you.

Drinking alcohol is an escape and maybe used to smoother the concerns we have, and instead of having it over the weekend, it slowly stretches and extends into the following week, making it a concern, especially if this isn't what you want.

I understand there are other issues all of which need support with.

Sleeping in a separate bed than your wife, as sleep apnoea annoys you can really be upsetting, but with a wife who has cheated, really depends on whether all is forgotten, unfortunately, this is one other avenue you have to face.

Has your doctor mentioned the 'health care plan' where Medicare pays for 10 sessions to visit a psych, which I believe can be extended and may assist with your sleeping?

I too can join many others who used alcohol as a way to try and escape, but this is about you and really hope we can hear back from you.

Geoff.

[Petament]

Hello Bigredfish

Sharing my recent sleep apnoea experience for your awareness, and if it helps. I got sleep tested and ended up getting a jaw splint which forces my lower jaw forward at night to force open the airway. Its quite painful at first but you get used to it. It does help, but i feel much more rested if i dont drink alcohol. You might need a cpap machine if your sleeping is very bad, i have heard it is very intrusive.

I'm sorry to hear about your wife and your situation. Thank you for sharing.

[Bigredfish]

Yes I did use the 10 appointments that were available at the time. To be honest I found they were about learning strategies to calm myself like breathing exercises, meditation and the like. Which I already know and use.

I might head back to my doctor to see if I am able to get anymore as that was 18 months ago. I have successfully gone since Wednesday without a drink and feeling a bit clearer already. Thanks for the support from everyone. I am sure you will see me on here every now and then.

[mocha delight]

Hi bigredfish my psychologist told me because of covid 19 you can get an extra 10 appointments so I hope that helps

[SarahZ]

Hello Bigredfish,

Thank you for taking the time to reach out and being so honest and raw with your story. I'm really sorry to hear that the past 6 years have been exceptionally hard. A family fallout is never easy to deal with and the betrayal by your wife must have been excruciatingly painful. Feeling as if you are losing contact with those close to you must feel exceptionally isolating and lonely. Drinking alcohol in small amounts can feel harmless, however it's really inspiring to see how you have noticed that your drinking patterns might be a bit maladaptive and harmful. It shows you have a tremendous amount of insight and even courage to openly notice the potential negative impacts of this pattern of behaviour. I think this might be something helpful to mention to your GP at your next session. They might then be able to help redirect you to appropriate services.

Reaching out onto these forums is an excellent start. You should feel exceptionally proud of yourself!

Please keep us updated whenever you feel up to it.

Wishing you the very best~