Down and almost out
Ive been struggling with depression and loneliness for so long my cup is empty.
I look at the mirror and I don't know who's looking back at me.
I don't even know what my purpose is for existing anymore.
Ive spent my whole life trying please and meet other peoples expectations that I just don't have it in me any more to care.
Im so confused and lonely in my life right now that I feel like a total failure.
Sorry I had to load my baggage to everyone but thank for listening.
Hey empty cup, welcome. I like your username, it's deep but creative.
I'm really sorry that you're struggling so much. You have a purpose, whether you believe it or not. This sounds funny coming from me because I struggle to believe that myself, but I'll tell it to other people.
I know the feeling about trying to please people, but I guess the most important person to impress is yourself, and I know how hard that is too.
I'm here for you, and don't be sorry for loading your baggage onto us, that's what these forums are for. I'm glad you reached out and came here.
And you're not a total failure, it's okay to be confused, etc. I'm the same, and lonely also.
Just know that you're not alone in this journey, and (sadly) there are many of us on the same path as you...many of us on here, myself being one of them
Depression, stress, anxiety, and loneliness are things I have dealt with as long as I can remember being alive...I am only lucky enough that they were very mild and resolved themselves several times over the years.
However after a horrific 2020, not only with the pandemic, but other unrelated factors have thrown me into the longest, deepest, and hardest depression of my life so far, going on about 6 months now...
Looking in the mirror and not knowing who is there anymore, not knowing my purpose in life, feeling forever lonely, these are things I have experienced for so long now as well, so I know what it is like, and it is just the worst feeling....
I know what you are going through because I have been there (some days I still am there) and I am so sorry you are going through it because it is such a tough road..
I've also been (and still am a bit) exactly where you have been, trying to please and help others, and now struggling to care anymore... the last job I had wasn't a particularly good one, but I made it so much worse on myself by withdrawing from everyone and isolating myself, only replying in small polite conversation when spoken to, the downside was making a "not so good job" just sooo sooo sooo much worse, by having virtually zero positive social interaction....something that is very important to us and our emotional + mental health, scientifically as human beings, or so I have been told.
I wish I had answers for you, but I can only share what I think has worked for me, and that I think might work for you.
if you feel comfortable doing so, try reaching out and talking to as many trusted people as you can and get the support you need...this isn't easy I know, but it helps a lot, I can't even describe how grateful I am for these forums here, it has been a godsend for me, though I have to admit and realise I still have a huge journey ahead of me.
If you like, try going out walking, or running, or hiking...though this doesn't work every time, I find it does help at times when my negative feelings are not so great
When you are feeling severely depressed and lonely, I will admit for me at least, and I think for others too, there is almost nothing you can do that will immediately make you feel better...I think in these instances it is important to take note of your mood and realise that it will take a few hours to get back to "normal" ...I think just about the only thing that helps a little in these circumstances, as crazy as it seems, is I go out for a walk where no one is around, and I talk to, and counsel myself out loud...the hearing of my own voice as feedback I find helpful, and I talk and ramble on about whatever is bothering me, and I ask how will this affect me in 20,30,40,50 years? How will it affect my life in the long run? Is this situation permanent? The answer usually ends up being no...and after an hour long conversation I have relaxed quite a bit back to normal...it is quite an odd feeling, but I do recommend trying it if you like.
Anyway I hope you get on to the path of your recovery soon, and just keep trying to take it a day at a time 😊
Hello empty cup,
I am sorry you have been struggling so much for so long, I cannot imagine the pain that you are experiencing. Loneliness and depression can feed into each other a lot and really drag you into a bleak and awful place. Constantly trying to please others and meet their expectations can be so exhausting, it sounds like you have really drained yourself trying to do this. But as I am sure you know, you cannot pour from an empty cup - it sounds like you need to focus on yourself and give yourself more of the care and time that you have given to others to fill your own cup a bit more. Please know that you are not a failure, you are not useless - you may not see it right now but you do have value and you are worth so much more than you know. You don't need to apologise for anything - we are here to listen and you can share and talk as and when you feel up to it, we want to support you. Be kind to yourself. And take care.
I just want to thank everyone who responded. It gave me a real perspective of how wide spread depression is.
I dont know what I did to be in the place I am right now but its been over 5years and I still can't get over it.
Every days a struggle for me at home and at work.
being a guy I keep things to myself and its really painful keeping up a front .
Ive lost a lot of self confidence ,and really miss not having any real friends anymore, so Ive just stopped caring.
No one understand depression / anxiety unless you've lived it, I guess thats why I reached out to B/Blue.
Feeling lonely is probably one of the worst side effects but Ive gotten used to it and it sucks.
It helps to chat online with real people with similar issues but it wold be nice to talk to someone over a coffee.
Thank you agin for listening.
Hope everyone stays well.
Love empty cup
Hello empty cup,
Keeping everything to yourself, and feeling that you have to put on a front can be very draining and isolating, I am really sorry that you feel you have to hide. Is there anyone that you feel comfortable with that you may be able to talk to about what has been happening? Would you consider seeing your GP or someone who may be able to link you up with some extra support?
While the forums can be helpful, I understand what you mean - it is different to have someone there physically who listens and talks with you. If you are open to it, there are helplines where you can talk over the phone (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/national-help-lines-and-websites), they may be able to advise you on services available where you are e.g. peer support programs or group therapy options.
Please don't hesitate to chat more if/when you feel like it. Take care.
Its been a while ; just wanted to message anyone , someone to talk with. Its hard to work and live with so many ups and down moments . It doesn't help when the one person I thought would support me only tolerates me and my depression. All I do is sleep on week ends and Im lazy , I should just snap out of it. Not the sort of thing I thought my wife would say. Working 9+ hrs a day and dealing with depression isn't enough , my stress never lets me be.
Sorry for dumping my issues with people but its all I have right now.