Do I need help?

[Just_A_Thought]

I have been going through cycles of emotions and experiences that I cant figure out. Im just wanting to know if all these warrants seeking professional help or is it something I'll get over with. Here's what's happening:

- I've been single for 3 yrs after going through a nasty breakup. Since then I've felt emotionally numb thinking ill never be able to be in another relationship. I've kept to myself and also reduced my engagement with friends/families.

- I find comfort in other people's misery. I can not feel joy for anyone who is happy.

- I go through episodes of rage where for a minute I lose control of my actions to the point I get physically violent (has happened twice in 3 yrs). I start to shake and heart starts to race. It happens in a blur. I've gotten enraged on both occasions from the need to be in control. Once it happens, I feel instant regret but at that point I cant stop myself.

- I don't sleep well, my mind is racing. When I lie on my stomach, I feel my heart pounding against the bed. I also go through sleep paralysis.

- I'm spending longer time to complete my work because I cannot focus. I procrastinate to the point where it makes me sad cos I do have creative hobbies that im left no time to assign to.

- Im always uncomfortable. My heart starts beating in a social scene where I need to talk, I panic (shake) chasing deadlines.

- I feel paranoid at night, thinking someone is breaking in and walking in the house.

- And recently I've been watching a lot of videos on suicide, murders etc. Just trying to make sense of everything. I've never had suicidal thoughts myself but I used to self harm years ago.

I'm just trying to figure out - are these normal life emotions in 30s or should I seek professional help?

Thank you to anyone who listened.

[White_Rose]

Dear A Thought

I offer you a warm welcome to the forum. So pleased you found a place to talk about these troubling times.

I wonder if it would help to see your GP. Book a long appointment and perhaps print out your post for the doctor to read. It's always easier to have something written down as we forget some things until we have left. Most frustrating.

Some of your feelings are part of your breakup and grief. It can take a while to get over these things no matter if it was a good thing to do. I fell into a huge depression after I had separated from my husband of 30 years. Not because I regretted it but because I was on my own and had forgotten what it was like. Lots of grief, worry about if I had done the right thing etc. You may be in the same boat.

Grief is not only being sad because you have lost someone or something you care about, but because the person you expected to have a long time with has been shown as unsuitable for whatever reason. You have in fact lost your dreams. I think this was at the bottom of my crash and it was hard.

I think it is scary to lose control of yourself where in the past it would never have happened. We do like to feel in control and your emotions are so fragile that any trigger can remind you of the past and your lost hopes. Being enraged is natural at times. In your case I suggest you lose the plot, so to speak, because it is something you would never have done before and certainly not over a small thing. It's a kind of substitute for your rage over your lost hopes. Again it's the separation I feel. Sadly we are illogical creatures.

It is scary to feel we have lost control and it's frustrating to spend time on a job that takes longer than you expect. Depression can sap your energy and maybe this is what your doctor will say is going on for you. We work more slowly, even walk more slowly as though we are in a dream. It's not unusual.

I have found it hard to be hugely happy for someone. Sometimes I think I am jealous which is not an altogether bad thing. To want happiness is OK. Usually we are pleased for others but sometimes our own emotions get in the way.

See your GP. I think this will help you to sort out your feelings. Continue to post here if you think it helps.

Mary

[Just_A_Thought]

Thank you so much Mary for taking your time and replying.

I have booked an appointment with a psychologist referred by my GP but in my case I find it easier to write than speak so I’m not sure how I’ll go. As my social life has been so limited over the last few years, it becomes hard for me to talk or to listen for that matter. Also the fear of not being understood, although I do acknowledge it’s a professional in this case.

The other thing I wanted to clarify Is that can we discuss LGBT issues with all psychologists or did I need to tell my GP to assign me someone who specializes in this area?

I couldn’t really open up to my GP Cos I was anxious and I always have this fear of being judged.

I want to feel relaxed and happy.

[White_Rose]

Hello

Glad to know you have already taken steps to help yourself. Talking or writing, that's the question. Well it takes longer to write I would have thought. Explain to the psych how your speaking and listening skills are not so good these days. Perhaps write yourself a cheat sheet of dot points, the whys and hows. I think it's a difficulty you can work on together. After all we need to get to know a new person in our lives before we feel entirely comfortable in expressing our thoughts.

I think professionals can misunderstand as well as others. It's a process to learn each other's language and ask for clarification or look for an indication the other person has understood. I used to have a picture on the wall behind my desk at work. It said, "I know you think you understand what I said but I'm not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant." I found it a good reminder. Being open with the other is the key to successful communication. So do not be afraid to ask for clarification or to tell the psych if you believe he/she has misunderstood you.

It doesn't happen overnight. All these skills need to be refined and sharpened. Be gentle to yourself and patient.

Ask your psych about discussing LGBT issues. Some may know of another psych that specialises in that area but I would think it comes under the general heading of issues I want to talk about. As such the psych should be able to engage with you on that topic as well as any other topic.

It can be hard to open up to your GP or any other medical person. We have a natural reticence about the very personal thoughts/actions/events in our lives. Sharing with someone else can feel quite threatening until you are reassured about how the other person will treat you. May I suggest you take this part slowly until you feel comfortable.

Mary

[Just_A_Thought]

Thank you Mary. I had booked an appt before posting here but ever since booking I have been contemplating cancelling it thinking if I really need it or will be able to get most of it.

Or even if I should take meditation sessions and learn about the greater meaning of life. I feel really alone and lost. I feel like I have no direction, no purpose in life, nothing to look forward to.

But anyways Mary, thank you so much for your time and your advice. I really appreciate it.

[White_Rose]

Hello JAT

May I suggest you keep the psych appointment. I am sure you will leave the first time thinking that nothing has been accomplished, because first meetings are like that. It takes a little time for both people to settle down with each other. Even if you have only one or two issues it will take time. Perhaps you could take this time to explain your reticence about talking?

The psych will not be expecting you to say War and Peace. More likely he/she will be hoping you don't talk that long. They also need time to absorb what you say, clarify etc.

Meditation is great. I am a meditator and find the it really helps me in my life, particularly now. There are many types of meditations. One that is often recommended on the forum is Smiling Mind. My meditation practice is different. It's Christian meditation and comes from a several thousand years tradition. You can read about this on the web site. https://wccmaustralia.org.au/ This is the World Community for Christian Meditation - Australia. Lots of information and if you look at your state you will probably find a meditation group near you.

No need to worry about talking with others. I think I was a part of the group for well over a year before I said anything other than hello.

You do not need to work on any one process at a time. Chatting to the psych and practising meditation can be done together. In fact I believe it's a good combination which you will find very helpful.

Feeling alone and lost is a horrible place to be. It's definitely a good reason to talk to someone like a psychologist and gain the confidence to go back into the world, so to speak. While meditation can help your inwards journey you need to balance your life by being active in the external world. I have been unwell and seriously thought of stopping most, if not all of my activities. No energy or motivation. It has been that decision to continue with my activities that has helped me.

No matter if the person I am speaking to knows me or not. I am engaging with another person. Psychologically we do need the company of others.

Mary

[Just_A_Thought]

The whole process seems very daunting but I guess to feel better and happier, I would need to make that effort

id like to thank you Mary for your guidance and your time. Really appreciate it 🙂