Depression and anxiety 35 years

[dinosaur4575]

I have had severe depression and anxiety for many years. Meds have worked in tha past but no longer do. Seen many psycologists and psychiatrists without improvement. Have not been able to get out of this rut. Lost marriage 25 years house and had prostate remove. Had a toxic relationship which ended suddenly. Now home living with my Mum who is great but l worry about her coping witb my health. l am almost 63 yrs old. Trying to get back into work. Anxiety stopping me. Lost my self worth. want to do things but also dont. Contradiction l know. Been totally out of it for 18months without any improvement. Any help? Ideas? suggestions

[Croix]

Dear Dinosaur4575~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum and hope you will find some useful ideas here.

First off I've got to say life has not been good to you, loss of marriage, house and prostate trouble. Entering hte job market at 63 -difficult. On top finding the medications and treatments you have relied upon for so long are not effective.

Anybody would have major troubles coping with all that, not surprising your old regime of meds and therapy has failed you .

Having a mum and being able to live with her is a real blessing. I don't blame you for being concerned about her as she will be getting on (mid 80s?), but most mums can be pretty resilient when looking after their children is concerned, particularly if their love is returned.

I found looking after a loved one of mine gave me pride and purpose, perhaps it might be the same for you.

'Wanting to do things and not wanting to' is a sensation many of us with anxiety are only too familiar with. I guess one of the things is not to regard everything as all-or-nothing, both with medications and treatments, and daily activities too. It sets you up for feelings of failure if you aim for the really big all on one go and don't make it.

So I'd suggest aiming for little things and build on them as you have wins. For some just getting up in the morning is a major hurdle, as might be phoning for an appointment. You are in the best position to know what task to aim for, just don't get too ambitious to start with. Positive reinforcement by rewards as targets are met is good. Can even be something as trivial as a chocolate biscuit or something larger - a movie or walk perhaps.

I would think that meds too are something to attempt in stages, seeing if different types and quantities may start to reclaim lost ground. Getting a therapist that clicks can be a pretty long process, but often it can work out well with patience. I'm very happy with both treatment and psychiatrist. Took a long while.

Dealing with getting a job is very hard indeed and it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking one has no value. I think the best approach is to live a life with regular distraction and self-rewards, not only are these enjoyable, give one something to look forward to, but remind one that one is of value. Do the necessary to apply for jobs, than put it to one side and concentrate on better things.

I hope all this is strikes a chord, We here would realy like it if you posted more and said how you were going

Croix

[dinosaur4575]

Thanks Croix. Will keep in touch in the forum.

[Mathy]

Hi Dinosaur4575,

Croix has given you a lovely response, full of great information.

I wonder whether your Mum is enjoying having you staying with her? Sometimes when we’re older and have to “move back home” like a teenager, we feel a little shamed. But, age wise, Mum could be in a place where she appreciates having a bit of help with some of those jobs that are a wee bit harder when we’re older. I never lived again with my parents, but when my Dad was elderly and alone, I spent a lot of time helping him with jobs around his unit that he couldn’t manage - it was good time that we spent together.

I also wanted to suggest that, when you feel ready, you try some volunteer work. Firstly, it’s great for feelings of worthiness, and secondly, it can sometimes lead to some paid employment. That may not be full time, but volunteering is a great way of building networks, of not only friends, but potential employment.

One step at a time, however, Here’s wishing you the best for getting meds sorted out, and feeling stronger again, cheers M 🙂