Day one again

[Gherkin]

Hey, this is hard to write as it’s acknowledging, how helpless I feel to change. Alcohol has really messed things up for me, I have to stop or I will lose everything. I’m really struggling today and I don’t think the person I love the most in the entire world gets the point i’m at. I’m going to my first meeting tonight and I feel so weak and to be honest hate myself I know this doesn’t help, but i feel like i’ve Really broken things this time. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. It would be nice to get some thoughts from people further on in their recovery. Thanks

[Soberlicious96]

Hi Gherkinn,

Welcome to BB, and well done on reaching out!

Sometimes admitting defeat can seem like the hardest part, but really, it's the beginning of a whole new life.

I have been sober now for 22 years, and I can honestly tell you that choosing recovery is the BEST decision I have EVER made, by far.

And please note; you are not weak. Alcoholism is a disease, recognized as such by the World Heath Organization. Which means this; you are not a bad person trying to get good, you are a sick person trying to get well.

I'd like to give you a few tips;

1) Arrive about 10 to 15 minutes before the meeting starts, and tell someone (there are usually people standing just outside smoking or having a general chat) that it is your first time. That way they will (hopefully) make you feel welcomed, and show you things like where the tea and coffee is, where the toilets are, and give you time to shake a couple of hands and/or have a smoke, if you smoke.

2) You will hear people talk about a Higher Power, and even call that HP God, but if you are not a believer, that's okay. It's not a pre-requisite or requirement to believe in God. The 12-step fellowships are spiritual fellowships, not religious. Most meetings take place in churches mainly because the rent is cheap, and accessibility is good.

3) There'll be a basket passed which people put money into. That's because 12 step fellowships are fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. Which means we pay our own way. We pay for the rent, the refreshments. the literature and other associated costs with the running of the meeting and the group.

4) You will find all sorts of people there; young, old, male, female, rich, poor, educated, marginalized, black, white, gay, straight ....... ad infinitum. Most importantly, you will hopefully/surely meet people just like yourself; those who have fought the battle with the bottle, and lost.

5) Remember this; there is no shame in having a problem in your life ..... but not doing anything about it can be very problematic. It takes courage to speak up, step up and stay up on top of a problem, and be the person you were meant to be, without the booze.

Better to be seen walking into a meeting, than be seen ruining your own life, and the lives of those around you.

I wish you all the very best for the meeting tonight. I too, will be at my home group meeting, so I'll be with you in spirit.

Take care. Let me know how it goes, I'll be keeping an eye out for your reply! xox

[Gherkin]

Thanks for reaching out, I felt very welcome, even though my whole body feels like it’s been hit by a truck.... One day at a time, is all I can think of. I’m going to go to another meeting tomorrow. Thanks for posting... physically I feel wreaked and am hoping I can sleep.... going to try to meditate...

[Soberlicious96]

One day at a time is all that any of us has anyway. And yes, you probably will feel like you've been hit by a truck. At least for a little while.

I'd like to make another suggestion; get some vitamin B into you. Either tablets, or a berocca. And take it in the morning rather than the evening because it will/should perk you up a little. Excessive drinking leads to a real shortage of Vitamin B in the body, and often when people are hospitalized for alcohol related issues, the treating medical staff will give the patient a needle in the buttocks of Vitamin B. Maybe talk to your doctor about it, if you want to.

Some people tend to bounce back really quickly too, and then get fooled by their tricky brains, telling them that it's all okay now ...... and they forget, quite quickly, just how bad things were. If you do find yourself feeling great in a week or so, and find yourself thinking "I'm all good now, I don't actually need that much help after all." then just beware that it could be your head playing tricks on you. If you didn't get handed/get yourself a 'big book' last night, may I suggest you get yourself a copy asap, and start reading and learning about the disease of alcoholism.

And I too am going to another meeting tonight.

Oh, and while I remember, it's good to get some phone numbers of people at the meetings, so that you've got people to talk to who are on the same wavelength as you. "Pick up the phone, rather than pick up a drink." And there's also the 1300 number - 1300222222 (easiest way to remember that number is this: 1300 AA AA AA). The 1300 number is there for you to use 24/7.

In the meantime, enjoy this new beginning. I know it may not feel like i right now, but by going to meetings and taking each tiny step towards recovery, you are creating a whole new life. Not your old life scrubbed up, but a whole new one.

One day at a time though, each day in a row. xo