Can’t work, can’t breathe, can’t think clearly

[Skittlez101]

Honestly it’s hard to put into words how I’m feeling. I’ve been calling in sick to work lots because I just feel this feeling of dread at the thought of it. When I do go the whole time I just want to cry or I come home struggling to breathe and on the verge of tears. There have been a lot of changes at work and idk whether this is all brought on by that. I got promoted before the pandemic to an awesome position that I loved but when the pandemic hit I got asked to only work 1 day a week for this new position and work back at my old position for the rest of the days. It was defeats ring because I don’t enjoy the type of work anymore- I hate it and I love the position so much. A year forward there are many changes happening in my new post ions team with a restructure. One of my fave colleagues just got made redundant and the rest of us have no idea what’s happening with our jobs as we are casual and weren’t included or considered in this restructure. This is month 5 of not knowing and I’m really hoping that I’ll be able to do more days with them but it’s not looking likely.

I just feel so useless and like everyone hates me. I just feel like everyone has these massively high expectations of me and I am failing to live up to them. Everything feels like an effort. My poor husband is doing a lot of the house work and he’s working full time. He’s really trying hard to support me but I don’t think he fully understands what to do or say or even how badly I’m struggling right now. The only thing that even remotely makes me feel better is watching tv or listening to music.

I cut down to 2 days of work because I couldn’t be there any more. But today just the thought of it I couldn’t even make it to my 1 day at my old position. I use to have really good relations with my bosses too and that’s all deteriorated. They just think I’m slack even when I work really hard when I’m there. They don’t care about me anymore. I’m lucky if they even say hello to me.

I don’t feel alone because I have a really good corner and I’m lucky to be so surrounded by people who love me but I also don’t know how to talk about what I’m feeling or even what I’m feeling is normal. I just can’t do this anymore. It’s all too hard.

[Sophie_M]

HI  Skittlez101,

Welcome to our safe, non-judgmental and supportive online forums community where users give and receive support to one another based on their own experiences with mental health.

Thank you for taking such a brave step and reaching out to us here today. We know it isn't easy, but it is so important that you have.

While the peer support offered here can often be quick, it's important you realise it is not immediate. For more immediate support we recommend you get in touch with our Support Service which is available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 with brief counselling, support and referrals to help get you on the path to wellbeing.

Once again, thanks for reaching and out and welcome. Please check in here to let us know how you're getting on whenever you feel up to it.

[Croix]

Dear Skittlez101~

I read your post and saw the following

"I just feel so useless and like everyone hates me. I just feel like everyone has these massively high expectations of me and I am failing to live up to them"

I'm no doctor but I think you fell into the same trap as I did. With depression, anxiety and other matters I very much felt a failure, useless and a burden.

The trouble was that I'd applied the expectations one has in normal life when healthy to someone who was ill. To put it simply if you break a leg you can't walk. If you have a mental health conditon then the whole world changes and normal actions become impossible, even small everyday things like brushing your teeth become a steep mountain to climb. Accompanied by tears, worry about how others think of you, employment and your job, the future and all the rest makes for a terrible life.

May I ask if you have proper medical support, a diagnosis followed by treatment, possibly medications and therapy?

If you have please go back and say it is not working, your coping skills with your current uncertain world are pretty much zero.

Of course if you so not have medical support now would be exactly the right time to go to your GP in an extended consultation and say how you have been feeling and what has been happening to you. Ask to have both a physical and a mental health check. I'd expect things would change after the examination.

I never improved, no matter how hard I tried, until I had the proper medical care, and like you a loving partner.

It does not really matter if he understands what is in your head, provided he recognizes you are ill that is enough. My partner did not know to start with I was ill and rather blamed herself. Later she was told the facts and it was not her husband, but the symptoms of the illness that she was facing. By trial and error she found the best things to do for me

She had her mum for support, both with practical things and emotional support. Does your husband have any such support? He will be going though a tiring and worrying time and somebody, a parent or family member perhaps, might be able to help his current load.

My partner never gave up and I got better, now I'm good and those days are in the past.

I hope to talk with you some more

Croix