Bi polar, living with a Rubix cube brain!

[Anroca78]

I am 37yrs old. Diagnosed with Bipolar 2 only 3 yrs ago.My last job finished 3 months ago, a job in pharmacy and I held that for 3 years. Was honest with my boss about my illness and she was very honest and supportive. In 3 years I would of had 7 breakdowns, very small to medium ones except for last one which ultimately destroyed chance of employment, I verbally attacked her and walked out.She was not at fault, it was me who caused a fight. My G.P and Psych put me on sick leave. The bipolar brain to me is a Rubix cube. You are forever trying to get moods to match up, click, click. You can finally get it right and then the brain twists again even if you had it right. Happiness is so fleeting, I am on a high dose of medication, it stops the manic highs but does not treat the lows. But there are days where feeling just ok is good enough. I will always have bi polar and realise that having 4 good days out of the week is better than 4 bad days out of the week, it's all about how you see it and approach it. 

[Guest_1055]

Hey Anroca

I wanted to say hello, and give you a welcome hug. I am not sure what else to say, except your post sounded positive in a way. And that cube with all the colours, was way hard, I could never work it out.......

Hugs

Shelley xxx

[Moonchild18]

Hey 

i feel like you've read my mind 

everything you said is spot on and the rubix cube is the perfect way to explain it 

I have tried to express all these feeling to my boyfriend but he just doesn't understand how I am so unsure of my own mind 

I am only 20 years old and I have never been to a doctor about this 

I thought I was crazy cause no one ever understood 

so id always just compress everything all my feeling and urges to speak and keep to myself, which hasn't helped because the more alone time I have with myself the more I think 

I truely hope that one day I can have the positive mind set you have

so proud of you