been in this up and down rollercoaster for 5 years now

[B_c]

hey I'm new to this and I don't punctuate or anything so please don't criticize me on it.

ny life has been so topsy turvy the last 5 years it started off so amazingly I had a job I had friends I would go out and have fun and could balance it all out my gym my work my social life was blooming and I was happy.

and in this happiness I found her she was so different and so beautiful and just cared about me and made me smile she flipped my whole world upside down and we started dating and seeing each other it was the best year of my life to say the least then stuff started getting complicated.

it all started with her friends getting on the way of our relationship saying I wasn't good enough because of the way I dressed or who I use to hang out with or my past.

i started finding myself hitting depressed stages about my previous friend who died a few years back prior to meeting this girl her name was b she was my bestfriend my soul mate I loved her and she loves me and it took along time for me to open up and talk about it and when people asked if say it's personal.

it started getting in the way of my relationship and the way u worked I just started losing grip and sight of what I was doing and in the process lost my happiness.

now its been 5 years since i lost this girlfriend and all this other stuff has happened inbetween i can't hold a job i get so angry all the time feel obligated to speak up when someone speaks to me wrongly or says anything bad against who I am.

i want the me I lost from 5 years ago the one who didn't care what anyone thought of him the one who could have fun and love himself and work towards a goal.

i need help because the last 5 years have been the worst and they don't seem to be getting any better the same routine happens and I get attached to friends/relationships and so when I lose them I always say sorry to make them stay and not leave me because I can't be alone when truth is these people don't deserve me saying sorry for there mistakes.

i find it hard to live alone by myself and not talk about this stuff to anyoneit took so long to talk about my friend who passed and I just don't know how long it will take to fix me now.

this is me I'm turning 25 next month and of anyone can help I'm listening because tonight my head overwhelmed me so I need to reach out for help.

thank you

[Guest_341]

Hi😊 How are you feeling now?

I'm Julie 😊

[Quercus]

Hi B.c,

Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry you haven't had many replies yet but we do care about you.

It has been a few days how are you holding up? Have you been able to reach out for help offline too? I'm sorry you are struggling with the loss of your friend and your relationship.

Have you spoken to a professional about your grief? When it is affecting your relationships and ability to function it is important to reach out to your GP and make a plan to help yourself. Would you consider this? Making a long appointment and being open about what you are going through?

It might not feel like it but 25 is so very young. Why wait another year suffering quietly. You have reached out here and what you're feeling is completely valid and understandable. The initial step is the hardest. You could even print out your post if talking about it proves too difficult.

I really hope you feel able to keep talking to us here. Time to take care of yourself B.c.

Nat

[Croix]

Dear B.c~

I'm not going to criticize about the punctuation, you knew here might be a problem and did something about it, you let people that might read your post know and actually you did pretty well with using paragraphs to space things out too.

You also looked at yourself, could see the problem and have started with a post here.

Both of these things say you try to deal with problems. That's a big step, so many people don't get that far.

It looks to me like you have had a couple of massive things to try to deal with, and have tried to do so alone. The first one is of course your friend B that passed away. Add to that finding someone else and then having her go, makes for a second knock-out.

I guess the fact that other people played a part in the breakup will make you resent them and maybe that spills over into ordinary life, making you angry. I'm no doctor so don't know.

I do know that the last 5 years has been pretty grim for you and it's high time things started improving so you can get back on track, hold down and enjoy a job, maybe start to look for someone new.

I could never improve alone. It took a fair amount of medical help, with a GP, meds and a therapist. So if you are not currently under treatment I'd go see a GP, use an extended or extra long consultation and say what has been happening right the way though from when B died and how you are feeling now. If you think you won't be able to explain clearly then write it all out on paper first and show that, or even just show your first post.

Getting better takes time and there are always ups and downs, so I'll also ask if you have anyone in your life you can rely on and talk with, anyone that cares? I know you said you talked to B, but is there someone now - maybe family or a friend, one you feel comfortable with.

I really hope you keep talking here, we'd like to help

Croix