Anxious and scared for 4 years

[Anxiousandscared]

Hi all,

I turned 35 years old this year and quit my office job 4 years ago. Since then i've damaged my relationship with my wife from my depression and anxiety, i've been on anti-depressents for the last 3 years. I've been very alone and my social interactions are those with online friends, although these days i don't even do that anymore. My wife left the country in early 2019 and although we do talk from time to time i'm not sure if or when she'll be back. I feel like i've disappointed myself and her and our families. For the past 4 years i've just been getting by doing odd jobs here and there,i sometimes regret leaving the office job 4 years ago and having a steady and stable income. Now i don't know what to do, its been 4 years since i've worked in that industry, things have changed, i've forgotten/lost so many skills i used to have. Even the process of thinking about applying for a job seems daunting since i haven't had a stable job for the past 4 years. who would want to employ someone like that? Everyday I wake up scared and afraid, feeling lonely and lost. I've lost connections to my family and friends over the past 4 years and even lost interest talking to online friends now. my days are usually just me searching for odd jobs online, wandering around my suburb, watching videos on the internet, cleaning the house, eating or just sitting down feeling more and being consumed by fear and anxiety of the future.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Anxiousandscared,

Welcome to our forums, and thanks for making the effort to reach out and open up with us, today. I can hear that right now you are feeling lost and worried about a lot of things, and feeling really uncertain about what to do about any of it.

Something that you have mentioned a couple of times, is losing your connections to many of the relationships in your life - the relationship with your wife, with your friends and family, and with your career, as well feeling more disconnected and consumed by the anxiety. Something that I'm wondering is, what do you think you need right now to try and reconnect to things? 

I think that posting on the forums today might be a really good example of that, and I'm sure that others will share their thoughts, as well. In the meantime, you might also find it helpful to have a browse around our other threads and chime in, or to give our Support Service a call at 1300 22 4636 if you ever want to talk more.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Anxiousandscared,

Well done for reaching out to Beyond Blue - a positive step indeed, and preferable to becoming more consumed in self doubt.

Essentially, the sticking point for you seems to be your anxiety preventing any proactive determination. The resulting lack of confidence propelling you in the wrong mindset is also affecting your social interactions.

I would suggest upskilling your career (if you still have interest in that field, otherwise pursue your own desires) as this would give you confidence to apply for relevant positions and equally boost your connection with peers professionally and possibly socially as well. The added bonus is you will not be dwelling on negative thoughts and, with restored confidence, family and friends should feel more approachable.

Regards,

t.