Angry at life
I’m 42. I have a 7 year old and 2 adult children
my youngest child’s father is the most repulsive manipulative toxic person in the world but manages to portray a “good guy” persona
he took me to court to have regular contact with our daughter (a while ago) … fine it is what it is however the court ignored all the injuries she has in his care (by misadventure not abuse) they ignored the sexual, psychological and financial abuse I endured at the hands of him and so now I have to see him regularly for his contact with her.
he still tries to touch me, calls me pet names, is just repulsive and sleazy in general
I live in a house he owns. I pay him rent which is lower than renting privately which is why I’m stuck here but the house is unmaintained, mouldy and problematic
I can’t afford nsw rents. I’m not allowed to move further away even for affordability- my solicitor already said that even if it meant I was on the streets .., I still have to stay here
i am angry that I will always have to have contact with him, I am angry that I can’t afford to live, I am angry that I am unable to change anything
I don’t know what to do
Firstly, I endured 14 years of basic contact with the mother of my children till our youngest turned 18yo then I told my ex never ever speak to me again. That was 11 years ago and she hasn't.
So, I have experience in such a situation. What is the best approach?
We'll I think your solicitor is wrong! You do not have to remain in that house. You can move some distance away, as long as such a move doesn't disadvantage your ex too much- seek a second legal opinion, it's worth it.
In terms of communication, until your child is about 10yo accompanying them to the car for pick up is appropriate. Ideal is "hi" and any reminders e.g. medication, education, clothing, drop off times etc but purely just a friendly manner. These things can also be done by text prior to the day. For the next 3 years just tolerate that and ignore any inappropriate comments, walk away. Bare in mind there will come a time when you'll need him, maybe you got held up and can't meet him and your child etc. Always best to be cordial but I learned, it takes 2 to make that happen.
I don't doubt your assessment of him but it's your perspective. Your child is in the middle and will suffer if you don't shake off these feelings. Ok he is condescending and says things that you don't like....but he is your child's dad and he obviously doesn't know what he's doing.
In an ideal world, you'd have a meeting in a cafe or park and write down a journey of do's and donts, boundaries and giving mutual respect. Your situation will go on for a while but 10yo maybe 11 your child can walk to and from his car and no contact required. Any official messages by text and that's good to have on record if abuse occurs.
Wow you are going through so much right now, I am sorry to hear about this. Is there any way you can go see a social worker or visit a women's health clinic? Social workers can help you find safter housing for you and your daughter. As white knight says, you dont need to stay him this man's home.
Since you are in NSW, try and give emergency accomodation a call. They might be able to help you.
Emergency Accommodation If you are in need of urgent accommodation please call Link2Home on 1800 152 152. Link2Home is a free telephone number available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Link2Home is the information and referral telephone service for people who are homeless or at risk of becoming homeless across NSW.
The inappropriate behaviour he has been displaying towards you, is definately not okay! I agree with what white knight suggested, he can wait in the car outside while your child walks to the car to be picked up. Deny him entry into the home. Or even have somebody with you when he comes. Document down all occurances of this behaviour. If you feel unsafe ring the police alternatively you can call the sexual harassment line on 1800 333 666 . He is responsible for his behaviour, do not suffer in silence and reach out.
There’s no housing assistance available to me
i don’t know why I posted here - no one can help and I’m sick of being told things will improve or that I just have to wait or change how I deal with things.
ive dealt with things going wrong my whole life and I’m Watching everything go from bad to worse.
Being locked in our homes for months on end, looking down the barrel of losing my job if I don’t accept an injection that I don’t feel safe having.
I don’t feel like I have any control over my own life
Thank you for sharing your story with us here. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for support, you also never know who will read this post and feel less alone in their own experiences.
We are so sorry to hear that you are going through so much at the moment with having to see your child's father and feeling like you don't have any control over your life. We understand this must be very frustrating and stressful, especially having to manage lockdown at the same time. Please know that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.
If you would like to talk to someone we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.
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Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.