All I want in my life is a friend.

[jake790]

Hi everyone and thanks for clicking my thread.

Ok so I'm new to typing out something like this so bare with me on this thanks.

Hi my name is Jake and I'm 23 years old turning 24 on October 9th. I joined this forum today because I want to make friends it's been a long time dream of mine the thing is I'm very picky. All my life I have tried to make friends been around social workers growing up they kept putting me into the wrong groups of people which was making my life a living hell as you see I've been bullied at everything I have tried at and where I live when I was young I used to be bashed and because of that I've locked myself inside of my house ALL my life as outside I do not feel comfortable.

The reason I want friends now is because my mother passed away last year from lung cancer and a brain tumor and since then I've been forced to live alone with nobody to talk to and it's been 1 whole year now and it's starting to make me feel very weird about myself. I'm not used to talking to nobody I had my mother for this she kept me happy now... All I feel is sadness / loneliness and depression. 

I don't even have online friends I have nobody what so ever. I've attempted to try and get help from Headspace over this but they have pushed me away.

I suffer with a bit of autism and ADHD and I think because of that nobody wants to be my friend heck I've never even experienced love either.

I just don't know how much more longer I can continue living like this. See I can't do anything because 1 - I don't drive / 2 - I'm not familiar with Transport / 3 - I'm always broke because of Shopping and Bills so I can't even get a taxi and 4 - I suffer with back pain so I find it hard to walk and I got this back pain from locking myself away from the outside world.

I've never hurt nobody and I've never treated anyone like garbage. Nobody wants to even give me a chance. A couple of days ago I attempted to try and make friends. The first person who was nice towards me said "No" and the other person I asked blocked me. I couldn't stop crying.

All I want in my life is someone who understands me and can cheer me up. I'm not much of a good looking guy nor do I dress decent doesn't mean I should deal with having no friends.

... By the way is this the right section I post this in? If not sorry.

Thanks for reading.

[Seadragon17]

Hi Jake790

I think it is great that you have reached out. Online is a great way to chat to people and there are so many chats online you could get involved with and feel connected to people without even leaving the house. How might you feel about searching up your interests and seeing what is out there? It is really easy to chat about things you like and you will be amongst people of the same interest and you will learn even more about your interests and teach others too.
But what is also good is that you write so well and reading your posts would help so many people. You are really gifted at getting your feelings across and that isn’t always easy for others to do.

I know it isn’t easy but maybe you could try simply trying to talk to others about their issues because I think in doing that you will feel so helpful and useful and see that you really do have the ability to communicate brilliantly. I really do mean that. Just writing out your feelings and talking to others to try to help them might help you to channel your feelings and see beyond them. I think you have so much to offer and I wonder if you are being held down by memories and old experiences that are tarnishing you from moving forward. 

[Seadragon17]

Jake790 use your talent. In a roundabout way our experiences help us to learn and grow - negative and positive experiences both teach us, and you are certainly a great communicator even if you think you aren’t in person. Writing can be so helpful to people. I think you might find a real niche in helping others.

I don’t mean to try to tell you what to be but can you just try to write down at least one thing each day that you have enjoyed about being you. It might be hard but you need to be your biggest champion. Once you believe in yourself you can be anything you want to be - don’t believe what others have said about you in the past. Crazy thing is - people tend to believe you when you talk about you or act negatively about you. You need to write down at least one thing each day that you do well or like about you and then gather these things up at the end of the week and be proud of them. When you start writing things down that are positive it does get easier. Everyone thinks they aren’t good at things or that they are simply not good enough at times but we can be our absolute worst friend. Try to be kind to yourself.

I am very socially awkward when I am simply me but when I go to work and have to get a job done I can act like I am a different person. I can look confident and act confident and chat away to people. I have to be like that in my job, but isn’t it weird that I can be something else when I am away from work - see we really are just what we believe we are.

I have loved reading your post because you are so clever at communicating. Look after yourself and change your future - tell yourself that you are worth it and act like it when you are talking to others (even if inside you are not 100% sure of your confidence). It just gets easier. It is hard to believe but you can change yourself and the way you have been made to think of yourself. Your conversations alone show me you are worth it.