37 year old BB newbie looking for advice, guidance & most of all...happiness

[Candy78]

Hi there,

I've finally decided to swallow my pride & reach out on BB. Reading other peoples situations has made me see that I am not the only one living with depression & how similar some of the circumstances are to mine. I'm hoping by opening up & sharing I will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

My depression surfaced about a year ago, although I think I've been living with it a lot longer than that. So...3 years ago I had an (permanent) injury to my lower back at work. I went through worker's comp & physio etc...for 2 years. In the end I had to leave my job which I LOVED immensely & accepted a payout. I found it very hard to accept & blamed my body for giving up & disappointing on me.  As a very independent person this was all very hard to deal with. Having to step back & ask for help with everyday duties such as lifting the clothes basket, loading the dishwasher, vacuuming etc...& at times asking for help to dry myself after shower & put my underwear on. I still struggle with this today, not as much as I used to though as I know If I don't ask for help I will exacerbate by condition & then have to deal with the physical pain.  

Upon leaving my job & accepting the payout etc... my younger and only sibling...my brother, passed away, he was 32.  He's been gone 18 months now. This is when the depression surfaced.  My world had come crashing down HARD!  My brother & I were very close, he had lived with me for 10+ years & was a drug addict however, drugs were not the cause of his death.  Naturally I miss him very much & am still in the grief process.  I am told that in time the pain will subside but never go away, so I'm in the learning process of dealing with this pain also.  

I am still unemployed & actively seeking employment with no luck thus far.  I live with my loving & understanding partner of 5 years who works full time & takes care of me & all the finances now.  I have 2 awesome children, 17 & 9 who live with their fathers & stay with us on the weekends.  I LOVE my time with them, they truly are the light(s) of my life.  I get extremely lonely during the day when my partner is at work with only my cat & T.V to keep me company. I have very few friends that I keep in touch with now as I have almost become a recluse. I feel comfortable at home as I have put on a lot of extra weight since my back injury & am happy to stay away from the public eye.  Regular sleep has now become an issue & I really miss the outgoing girl I used to be.  

[blondguy]

Hi Candy78

A Big Welcome to the BB Forums

My sincere condolences on the passing of your younger brother. Only 18 months ago...that is still very recent. I was made redundant mid Jan and I understand the isolation you are going through. I also have depression and have had it for about 10 years now which I take meds for as they provide me with a platform on which I can recover....slowly...

If I may ask you Candy....did your doctor/therapist give you any medication to take? I do understand that some people are not in favor of taking meds and thats fine too. I just find they can take the bad lows away sometimes and thus help me help myself to heal.

Back injuries of any kind are dreadful to have, especially reading how independent you have always been. You are very fortunate to have two wonderful children and a legend of a partner to help and love you! I only have my Burnese Mountain Dog 24/7 and am also looking for work like you. Besides Foxtel being a bonus I dont have my herniated disc in my lower back anymore so I can spend a lot of time in my beautiful garden...

Putting on weight after a back injury would be awful for you but is unfortunately one of the downsides of your injury.You can always lose the weight...even being hard to do you will.

Sleep can be problem for sure Candy....I dont have a partner to look forward to coming home but I am fortunate to have my sleep back...Below are a couple of tips that may/may not work for you. I have studied sleep a great deal after recovering from severe anxiety after 25 years...and for me they work well;

* Avoid cellphones/ipads etc before sleep..they only overstimulate brain activity and thought processes which only hinder you having a quality sleep (if possible turn the phone off to avoid any interruptions)

* Avoid Caffeine after 3pm ...I love my coffee but have to limit it to enable a peaceful sleep

If I may ask you (again) what type of back injury do you suffer from?

There is always a bright light at the end of the tunnel Candy...You have a few big storm clouds over you right now that will pass. You having your partner and being able to see your kids is wonderful 🙂 I envy you very much

Be 'Kind to Yourself'

We are here for you

Paul

[Candy78]

Hi Paul, thank you for your kind words & advice,

Yes, I am on anti depressants at the moment. I still have my down times but find the fall isn't as bad & the frequency isn't as often. I'm hoping that one day I'll be able to cope without the pills, as I'm sure most people do. My back injury is a collapsed & protruding disc that is also compressing my sciatic nerve.  I just recently had a steroid injection into the nerve root which has helped with about 80% of the nerve pain gone. I take pain killers everyday for the disc pain & am in the process of being referred to a pain management clinic. An operation is the absolute last resort my doctor says & I don't want my back operated on unless totally necessary.  It's good to hear that your herniated disc is no longer causing you pain, maybe there's hope for me yet 🙂

[blondguy]

Hey Candy

Nice to hear from you. The meds wont be forever. Just like a band-aid that you can remove later when you are comfortable doing so. (20 years sofar here..but I am happy that they helped me heal)

Just some good news on your herniated disc Candy. I am convinced your back can heal. In 1998 my GP found out by accident that my herniated disc (originally caused my moving house) sciatic pain came kept coming back at high stress periods in my life....as in the next day. Death of a loved dog...a relationship ending...moving house etc. Even though it is a physical injury it can be 'triggered' again by my anxiety and 'tensing up' all the time. Very similar to people's neck muscles that get that tight it can cause a severe headache.

I tried Physio....Chiro....Acupuncture...nothing worked for 2 years until somebody gave me info about shiatsu. I reluctantly went and saw this guy thinking....Oh well....there is no way this will work. It did. He found out that my right leg was nearly a centimeter shorter than my left leg..He then folded up a piece of cardboard in a square about 8-10mm thick and told me to place it under my right heel. I was running with my dog the next day and could even sit in a chair. He actually raised the side of my body to level my vertebrae which did alleviate the pressure by the next morning.

I still have a rubber heal insert (from the chemist...Scholl) for my right leg....99% pain free since 1998. Just before I had the Shiatsu treatment a specialist told me that I should have the disc removed asap....So glad I didnt 🙂

There is always hope Candy...Also check the soles of your runners if there is any more wear on one than the other....Some of this may or may not work. Information is power though and I hope you can let me know your thoughts.

Kind Thoughts for you

Paul

[shyviolet79]

Hi Candy, 

 I just wanted to say hi 🙂 It sounds like you have been through quite a lot in the last few years! I am so sorry for your loss...It is so hard to lose a sibling (I lost my brother too, about 12yr ago now)... Grief is such a personal thing too ~ everyone goes through it at their own pace, and it can hit you at the most unexpected times, even when you think you might be finally over the worst of it ~ I guess that is just a sign of how deeply we loved those whom we lost...

 Im sorry to hear of all the pain you are in too, and the resultant loss of your job... That must have been quite a big change for you to adapt to... I'm not working, but I know that most people tend to find their purpose through their work, or at least it keeps them busy... Do you have any family close by? It's great to hear your partner is so supportive 🙂 That is a big positive! 

I hope this isn't being too nosey, but have you spoken to a GP before about your depression? You might be able to see a psychologist just to talk things through? As far as I know, you may be eligible for six sessions under Medicare, so hopefully it wouldn't impact on your finances too much... 

Anyway, mostly I just wanted to say hi and that I hope you are okay... I know myself how lonely it can be when you are just at home on your own during the day... Well done for reaching out on here! I joined a while back, but only just finding the courage to start posting now 🙂

[blondguy]

Hi Shyviolet79

My apologies to hi-jack your thread Candy. I just wanted to thank shyviolet for a well articulated and kind post, and if I may quote " As far as I know, you may be eligible for six sessions under Medicare"

Thankyou for that shyviolet. Your input and the help you can provide is wonderful...and thankyou again 🙂 It would be beneficial to many people if you could help us help others with your knowledge/experience

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[shyviolet79]

Hi Paul, 

 Thankyou so much for taking the time to write this to me 🙂 It made me smile to see your positive, encouraging comments... I was a bit nervous last night writing this, but I just wanted to reassure Candy that there are people on here who care, and that I hoped she was okay... 

It's  really nice to meet you, and I hope to get to know you better via these forums 🙂 Thankyou again! 

Chantell

[Candy78]

Hi shyviolet79,

Thank you for your reply 🙂 Yes, I am currently seeing a Psychologist about my depression and grief issues. Finding it really quite helpful to chat to an independent person other than my partner and family, family being my Mother to whom I'm very close to. She lives in another state, however, we are in contact just about every other day.  I'm a very 'closed book' person so at first opening up the the psyc was a very hard exercise but once I was able to step out of my comfort zone I couldn't stop! I know in time I will heal.