What should I do with my counseling relationship

[Pseudomonas]

Is it normal for counsellors to touch clients to improve trust? Mine touched me at the end of each session. I resent it - am I overreacting? He was also trying to get me to change jobs to move to his suburb. He said I shouldn't find a hobby, but should try to be like him. He said he was a solution finder and my friend, but he was rather insensitive to my feelings and got my problems wrong after a few weekly sessions. Last week he was on the phone demanding to know whether I was going to show up, despite I rang and left him voicemail the week before regard appointment dates and he did not call me back to confirm which date. I have been with this counsellor for more than a month now. I can't get myself to trust him any more. I dread going to counseling. There are so many things I dislike about my experience I don't even want to confront the counsellor to change them (I tried telling him the suggested treatment didn't work but he said it should work). What should I do? Thanks in advance!

[demonblaster]

Pseudo Hi & welcome,

Yikes, nah don't go back, He's sounding suss as. In all areas not the touching alone which is no go.
No it's not normal at all.
Be good idea to report as well which I have no idea where to do but chances are someone else will know from here, if not if you want to we can suss it, he sounds like really bad news.

Sometimes posts take a while to go through reason being they're very busy at times.

You've come to an awesome site, can't speak highly enough

Hope you return to let us know how you go 🙂
All best darl

[Guest_5218]

Hi Pseudomona, and welcome to the Forums.

In my experience, no it isnt normal for cousellors to touch their clients. In fact I expect they have rules and guidelines which recommends against any such contact.

The whole situation, as you described, sounds highly unprofessional, and if it were me, I would definitely not be returning. Please try find an alternative counsellor or psychologist.

Wishing you the best.

Sherie

[white knight]

Hi and welcome

I totally agree with Sherie.

Touching is not appropriate

Tony WK

[geoff]

hello Pseudomonas, absolutely not there shouldn't be any touching by any counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist, it's highly unethical, sure you can shake their hand when arriving and then leaving, but this has to be prompted by you only.
His suggestion of wanting you to move into his suburb is clearly not something he should ever suggest, leave him, and don't go back to one last session, if you do then he will become over demanding.
Please go and if you feel a need then report him, you don't know what he does to other people, probably exactly the same. Geoff.

[Pseudomonas]

Thanks so much, Sherie, Tony and Geoff!

I am new to counseling, so I don't know what to expect.

Good to know touching is not the norm. I dislike unexpected touching probably because I had experience with childhood sexual abuse. Counsellor knew my background in first session. That's why I wasn't sure if it's part of the treatment to provoke me somehow. I also read a research about touching improves the relationship of receptive individuals.

I wonder how people treat counsellor as a friend. I find it difficult to get a friend to accept I have low self esteem, I arrived late in one important occassion, etc. I could see the counsellor's facial expressions of disapproval, hear words of disapproval and instructions ("you are like me, you should...") . I can't tell the counsellor anything negative about myself since...I need to maintain the image for acceptance.

It was confusing when counsellor said at the fifth weekly session that treatment needed to be started now, but I had to attend weekly sessions from then on for the treatment. At session six I was still confused what precise treatment I was in. Last session was similar to the previous weekly sessions.

I also get to hear other clients' troubles and how he helped which I somehow wasn't interested in...I am probably too obsessed about my own problems.

I will get a second opinion from psychologist on the diagnosis my counsellor made of my case. If I am not that ill I won't go to counseling as frequent as weekly any more.

Thanks again guys for your help and support! You can tell I am a confused and frustrated counseling newbie.

[geoff]

hi Pseudomonas, sometimes you can't agree what other people have to say about this counsellor, the same maybe happening with them but that's what they may like, whereas it makes you feel uncomfortable.
If you can't tell the counsellor anything negative about yourself simply means you have no trust in him, don't let him drag you along. Geoff.

[demonblaster]

And Pseudo I've heard which is true around here that it can take a while to get the right fit too. Wondering if you might be able to try another counsellor instead but good you've got a psychologist happening by the sounds.

I'm very affectionate, I do try to read if people aren't responsive and back off or ask them. I see a VERY good clinical pyschologist very professional and one time on impulse I went to hug her, been seeing her over a few yrs not regularly she comes up from Canberra every 6 wks and sees people here but enough to have a good relationship & one time I went to hug her and pulled back just before I did cause she showed no movement towards it which was fair enough.

There was another that I did but asked if he's a hugger he didn't initiate though.

Yes agree I think it'd have to be initiated by us and would be thinking too part of their training would be not to.

[Pseudomonas]

Thanks so much demonblaster! I was a bit traumatized about unexpected physical contact since I was young. My parents never showed affection towards me either. Yes I prefer to see a clinical psychologist to be sure about the PTSD diagnosis & severity, the treatment options, etc. I live in Sydney so unfortunately I need to blindly try another psych

Thanks so much, Geoff, I think you cut straight to the point- I probably trust my good friends more than the counsellor, so what's the point spending $100 weekly if I feel tired and frustrated afterwards

[demonblaster]

Welcome Pseudo 🙂

Good thing about Sydney is there's plenty I imagine so eventually you're chances are good to get someone that does the right bloody thing.

I wasn't diagnosed with BP (B.polar) till 46yrs so when I lived there wasn't seeing anyone but boy seen a string now through moving around a lot and some come and go.

The counsellor I saw this way for a fair while at first really liked her but heard there was a lot that had problems with her, neg feedback, and 2/3 things she said didn't sit well with me so was when I started seeing the Clinical one's & haven't looked back.

Hope same goes for you too

All best