Unable to connect with psychologists

[Soloyo]

Hi there,

I’ve had depression for a long time and seen a number of psychologists over the years. I’ve never had one that I really felt was hugely beneficial.

This year has been a particularly bad year:

The psychologist I was seeing initially ended up telling me that she didn’t think she was helping me (I had been seeing her for 12 months).

The next psychologist took months to get in to, and when I saw her I didn’t think she was helping. During this time I experienced suicidal ideation for the first time in my life, and she didn’t really respond to this, so I stopped seeing her after 6 sessions.

I’ve just started seeing another psychologist who I liked for the the first two sessions, but I feel as though in the third and fourth sessions he has said some extremely misogynist things - which has had me in tears for days!

Im really mentally unwell, and don’t know what to do to get the support I need. I’m being propped up by my GP and my psychiatrist. But really need a good psychologist.

Any suggestions on what I should do?

Thank you

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi Soloyo,

Welcome back to the forum. I'm sorry that nobody has responded to this thread - sometimes this can happen. I have reviewed the struggles you have had in finding the right fit in your treating therapist. I have heard this story many times on the forum. You are not alone in this struggle. I am also sorry that your previous psychologist made you feel so uncomfortable. If you chose, you can always decide to revisit your complaint when you are feeling stronger. Sometimes just writing down a complaint can be healing, even if you don't want to send it.

Finding a good therapeutic relationship with a psychologist can be really difficult. Like any good relationship it can take time and sometimes persistence to find the right person. Building a relationship and trust with a therapist can take different lengths of time for different people.

I wonder if you have considered other alternatives such as group therapy? This can be a form of therapy (often in combination with individual therapy) that some people get a lot of benefit from. It is generally facilitated by one or two therapists and the group uses experience and discussion to move through issues.

Another strategy is going in to a psychology session with a clear set of goals and objectives in what you want to achieve. By writing down goals and in what space of time you want to achieve them, you can really start to direct your own care. By having this type of conversation with your psychologist you are active in your own care plan and can work collaboratively on the best way to meet your goals. Goal setting can be a really powerful in therapy especially if you are feeling like things are not going how you expect. If you are interested there is some information on goal setting on this healthdirect webpage https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/goal-setting

You have mentioned at the end of your post you were on the brink of a breakdown. I hope that you have found some relief in your last session with you psychologist. Please post and let us know how you are going. If you are even in this state again, many people find it helpful to talk with a support person that you trust such as a friend or family member or you could try the Beyond Blue support line on 1300 22 4636. Sometimes when you are feeling really frustrated with the length your recovery is taking, having a chat about it can really help.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn

[geoff]

Hello Soloyo, please accept our apologies for not replying and pleased that Nurse Jenn has replied back to you, who has much more qualified experience than I do.

It's been a couple of weeks since you posted and wonder how you have gone with the psychologist?

It disturbs us to hear that you're on the verge of having a breakdown, some of us know how this feels, definitely including myself, because you feel as though you're falling apart and everything just becomes too much and it's impossible to even focus.

Some of us can relate to this, and I say some because everyone has a different type of illness that brings us to this site.

Hope you can get back to us when available.

Geoff.

[Soloyo]

Thank you for getting in touch. I appreciate you providing some suggestions.

A friend of mine feels that I am struggling with psychologist because I have deeply thought through my problems and therefore am finding it hard for someone to add value. I am seen to be be an emotionally intelligent person and therefore want a professional who can atleast meet me in this regard.

There are group therapy options in my city, however I don’t feel I would fit in well in this format of therapy.

My psychiatrist has started me on an additional medication which has helped in calming me a little bit, but leaves me feeling numb and groggy.

My psychiatrist is strongly encouraging me to persevere with the new psychologist. She recommended them and I do value her opinion.

I am aware I’ve become distrusting, but it’s hard to wait two weeks for a psychology session, go in with a plan of want you want to get out of it, share that, and leave feeling like you’ve got nothing from the session.

I would expect to feel better, or feel like I have something to work on, or feel like I’ve learnt something new about myself. But I don’t get any of this.

Are my expectations too high?

[White_Rose]

Hello Soloyo

I am sorry I have not been replying for a while. It's always good to talk to others who have experienced similar MH difficulties although we are all different. Unfortunately I have been struggling with some difficulties which have impacted on me quite severely. However I am back again and I hope I can offer more support.

I know I have said this before but I think it bears repeating. Hope this is OK. Psychologists and psychiatrists operate differently. I do not claim to be an expert on this and you may wish to ask your respective psychs if my comments are correct.

It seems to me that psychiatrists look at your whole of life experiences to see what has impacted on you in the past and why. The idea is that you can understand why you act or react to different situations. This knowledge can help you heal from the inside out so to speak both understanding what has happened and why. This is a very simplified explanation because I do now understand what happened to me and I know how circumstances shaped my experience. It's not necessarily cut and dried.

Psychologists tend to treat the symptoms much as a doctor would stitch up a wound and it usually heals allowing you to get on with your life. The problem arises when someone keeps getting hurt for no apparent reason and needs stitches. The person is not being harmed by anyone or themselves. The trick is to find out why the person keeps falling over and manage that bit rather than constantly dressing the wound. Does that make sense?

Talking to your psych about what you want to achieve and feeling disappointed could be because you are looking for wound management rather than prevention. So when you get hurt again it becomes frustrating and makes you feel helpless and distrustful. Everyone can see you are hurt but no one looks for the bump in the road you keep tripping over. It may be valuable to talk to both your psychologist and psychiatrist about this and work out a way forward from here.

I do hope this is useful to you and would love to know how it strikes you.

Mary

[IreneM]

Hi Soloyo

First of all I value your persistence in wanting to see a psychologist as well as continue with this post.

I agree with Nurse Jenn's suggestion on calling the support lines if required. I feel that I should clarify the difference between a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist.

Psychiatrist is a doctor who has one year of training on how to give psychological therapy (some refer to it as talk therapy).

Psychologist is not a doctor and has got at least five years training on how to give talk therapy.

A few things about Psychological Therapy and Psychologists.

Firstly they are all different, they have different personalities and therefore will click with different clients.

Secondly there is at least five different areas of Psychology and there is no way that one Psychologist can specialise in every one of them. For this reason it can take up to three sessions for a Psychologist to know what is best for you.

My thoughts are that you need your Psychologist to be upfront with you. The more background information that you and your Psychiatrist (and old Psychologist) can provide her with the better. This way you can get started on a therapy plan sooner. But please be patient with her and ask her to give you homework to work on between sessions. Once you start therapy it is you who does the work. Be open about what you want to change in you.

There are many different types of trauma therapy so don't hesitate to talk to your Psychiatrist about what issues they feel that you have. With your Psychologist ask what sort of therapy they can do for you if any.

From them you can get an actual diagnosis and they can issue medication that can treat certain symptoms …

From your Psychologist, you can talk about everything in your life. Anything that makes you unhappy, stressed. This is how therapy starts. Once they know what issues are causing you trouble - be upfront with her if you know that and ask what YOU can do to treat it. They are there to guide you as you work to help yourself, change the way that you think about things and respond to certain circumstances.

I hope that this clarifies for you.

Irene.

[Soloyo]

Thanks for replying.

I want to continue sharing what is happening with me because I’m feeling increasingly overwhelmed.

I have now seen the new psychologist four times. Each session she writes a summary for me to take away - which I appreciate. But it just contains labels for me to google and learn more about.

I don’t think insight into a label is enough. It’s like a doctor telling you that you have a broken arm - it doesn’t fix it just knowing about it.

At the third session I told her that I wasn’t finding things helpful. My homework that week was to take a new medication and “try to think about things differently”. I didn’t find this helpful.

At the fourth session, she said as I wasn’t finding things helpful that we should change approaches. She diagnosed me with a different mental illness, suggested a hospital stay and intensive group therapy.

She contacted my psychiatrist who has booked me in for an appointment in a few days time.

Im so overwhelmed. I feel this is out of scope for a psychologist. And I fail to understand what she has provided me in four sessions, besides labels.

I’m highly functional, not suicidal and don’t think I would fit in a group therapy session. I don’t even know what to think of this. Advice please!

[Soloyo]

And yet another update...

My psychiatrist disagreed with all of the psychologist’s suggestions... which is a bit of a relief, but now leaves me questioning this new psychologist.

Do I persevere with her? Or move on to a fifth psychologist?

These therapists just seem to be causing me so much grief - but I do want to have a good psychologist and have a good therapeutic relationship.

[David Nobody]

Hi Soloyo

I used to be married to a psychologist, and was with her throughout her degree. That didn’t help me find a psychologist when I needed “treatment”.

My GP was fantastic, I was lucky. He referred me to several Psychologists who he thought would be a good fit for me. They weren’t. No one “clicked”. I had very specific requirements designed to make almost everyone unacceptable.

When this didn’t work he (along with my then partner) suggested a stay in hospital.

I hated that initially as I was “forced” to give the Psychologists a second, third, fourth chance. This eventually got through to me and I started letting people help me.

It took another 3-4 Psychologists before I found one who I liked, didn’t treat me like a child, was smarter than me, didn’t preach from a textbook. Amazingly she is in walking distance from my house, bulk bills, and has appointments on the weekend and late into the evening.

While I was in hospital I changed some of my perceived requirements that helped with my search. I was also “highly functional, not suicidal and don’t think I would fit in a group therapy session“... I was wrong.

Group sessions exposed me to Male Psychologists, Psychologist’s that I didn’t “click” with, Psychologists who challenged my thinking... As it turns out, all of this was good for me. I am far more flexible with help these days. I also found an excellent Psychiatrist in hospital.

If you try group sessions and don’t like them the first time, things might change. But if they don’t change, you can always go back to your Psychiatrist and ask for suggestions. Unlike friends/family, they don’t give up.

David.

[blondguy]

Hi Soloyo

I am new to your thread topic...and its a good one! I wish I had all the caring support that has been posted above by Nurse Jenn..White Rose..David, Geoff and Irene

When I was 23 I had no idea about talking to a psychologist. (I had anxiety attacks...and lots of them...they were awful) It took me over 10 years to be up front with my psychologists....and when I eventually did, I cried..by releasing all my bad memories I had bottled up...yet when I cried I felt so much peace the next day

You are a proactive with your health Soloyo...Kudos to you!

my kind thoughts for you (any questions are always welcome)

Paul

[geoff]

Hi Paul, Soloyo, David, Nurse Jenn, Whiterose and Irene, and to tell you 'to try to think about things differently' means you have to try and reconsider things in a positive light, but how can you do this if you're still suffering from depression, you might be able to for a second or two, but to continue doing this is hard work.

I'm not qualified, but the 4 questions your psychologist asked you to do wouldn't seem to be practical and I say this because I was asked to do similar suggestions, but I'd been visiting this psychologist for 20 years or so only because workcover was paying for it.

Previous to this I'd tried about 3 or 4 different psych's who I didn't click with, so there was no point seeing them because I didn't feel comfortable opening up to them.

When I was in a private hospital (Workcover paid for ) part of the program was group therapy which at first we were all nervous but as we were all living there it settled down.

If you decide to move onto a fifth psychologist then perhaps you may have your back up so ask your psychiatrist how to approach this.

Best wishes.

Geoff.