There's nothing like a good book and a coffee on a cold day. Yes our tastes change, sometime quite dramatically. What sort of activities did you enjoy in the past? I think I said books and reading have been a constant in my life, it's the genre that changes. But I knew there was something quite wrong when I found I could not read. Not literally, just could not concentrate for more than a page or two. Many people have reported this as a side effect of depression and anxiety.
Having passion and something that gives me a spark. That's a bit of a chicken and egg problem. When we are well we can get excited about various aspects of life and they do fill our lives with joy. In depression we need these distractions to help us get well again but find it difficult to muster up any enjoyment and our previous joys cannot find any favour.
Having left a volunteer role I believe I was good at I felt very lost. Housework has never been a favourite occupation of mine and as I said reading lost it's attraction. TV was in the same league as reading, couldn't muster up the interest or motivation to go anywhere and even talking was too much effort. I cannot remember what I did at this time, which rather tells its own story. I think I tried to get interested in my old activities and did manage some embroidery.
Recovering from depression and finding joy in life is rather like building two walls adjacent to each other. Each one needs the support of the other and each one can only grow a couple of bricks at a time before needing the other wall to catch up. As we make our way back into the light we find those tools which will help us to grow up more and see further. Possibilities become more evident and as we look harder so our motivation gets stronger.
I firmly believe our experience of depression or any mental illness changes us in ways we would not have thought possible. These changes are not bad or good in themselves, just a pattern for our new lives. And that life can be as productive as you wish. To return to the walls, we can grow them as fast as we wish once we have learned how to do so, and those walls can be any shape we want.
I would love to know your thoughts on this.
Mary
