Tired of it all...

[Auralay]

I'm a little surprised to find myself writing here. But I am just so tired, physically, mentally emotionally. I was on an SSRI for the past 5-6 years which thankfully I had tolerated well and though I never got to the point where I was fully enjoying life, I was able to cope better. I did see a psychologist for a while, but honestly my brain was still pretty mushy at that point.

I'm married and have 2 young kids, one now at school. The end of last year the SSRI "pooped out" and the GP changed me to an SNRI. After a couple different doses of that changed to another and increased the doses in that one as well. I feel like i do ok for a week or two and then crash again. The past few days I have just been so exhausted and don't want to do anything. I'm so tired and tired of depression. I don't want to have to live the rest of my life like this. I feel like I just get dragged along by life (or worse, run over by it), which is only being made worse by having a child at school and I have more things I need to stay on top of.

I'm skeptical that another medication change will make a difference and worried that being truly well will never be possible for me. Even if other things can help eg diet, exercise, counselling etc, it's not like life is going to stop for me to allow me time to get better...

[smallwolf]

Hi,

Welcome to beyond blue.

I have not been on ADs for the same length of time as you, but am familiar with the struggle with finding the medication that works best. And perhaps putting up with the one that does enough.

My dad has been on ADs for much longer than you. But I also know some that have stopped taking them.

One helping factor is having someone to talk to when life gets you down. Even though I see my psychologist every 2 weeks, having someone else can be helpful. That and apps to act as a distraction.

What are the things that you need to keep on top of?

Tim

[Truetomyself]

Hey

I just wanted to say good for you for being brave and say how you truly feel. There are days I feel it but have no one to say it to.

You sound like you are very busy and life is these days.

I have been on ad's and anxiety meds since I was 22 and am now 37. I will be honest and at one stage when first trying ad's went through so many. Some I couldn't eat, one made me sleep all day and awake all night.

This was with my GP at the time. I am not saying that meds and depression are easy. There are days that I am done and over it. It feels like a full time job in itself. So don't feel alone in how you feel.

My point of where I got to was I let life take over and I worked myself into the ground. At 22 I had my first break down and ended up in hospital. I just want you to know no matter how busy or other things you need to get on top of, do not put yourself last. If you can get anyone to help you, if you don't have many friends or family try to look to community groups or programs to get support so you can have a rest. Do small things fot your self care. A bubble bath or just have a friend over for a coffee. My aunty and I catch up as we have the same issues we deal with or relate to.

There is an app called meet up and there are groups I have joined to spend time discussing my anxiety but wellness too. It could help. You just download it and see what groups are available in your state.

The meds do have a time frame then it is time for a change. That can be hard. I know. You feel foggy, nauseas, tired, moody and on an emotional roller coaster.

During the breakdown I was in hospital and actually had then no idea my aunty was on meds. But it turned out by pure coincidence the psych who was looking after me put me exactly on what my aunty had and it worked.

It was so ridiculously coincidental. I am not saying what works for one may work for all. But if you have a family history maybe discuss medications. I am no doctor so speak to your health professional. Also tell them what you are experiencing. Maybe it is not the right fit or why your body is experiencing what it is.

I often wish there was one medication that could just fix it all or why am I dealing with this.

You are never alone.

Life puts so many pressures on us. That sometimes we need a break. No matter how small try and do something for yourself.

Good luck and I truly wish you the best. Just try to remember you are important too.

I hope I have helped a little.

Take care of yourself.

[Cocomarly]

Im in the same boat, 2 kids at school and failing antidepressants . Iv been on and of many for 15 years , but they always seem to stop working after a few years. Lately iv felt that i just cant keep up with everything and feel terrified of the future as my depression stops me working more than a few days a week. What is the answer? I dont know ?

[Miss920]

Hi Auralay,

im so sorry to hear you are going through a rough time with yr depression- I can empathise with you because I too experience this, and I’m also a parent with two little ones who rely on me in every way possible!

I think you are very honest and brave for sharing yr story and opening up about yr struggles. I think you need to be more kind to yrself during yr down periods and take time out for YOU. Can you set aside once a week or fortnight to do something for yrself that you enjoy? A coffee with a friend? Get your nails done? See a movie? - without the kids! It’s really important you look after yourself if you have little people relying on you. I know once mummies get sick, or are down, the household doesn’t cope! Please consider some TLC for you and don’t be afraid to speak to your family and friends and vocalise how you are feeling. Sometimes I try to bottle it all up and end up in a heap but maybe you should and we all should be more open about our wellbeing. I think I look at depression as a condition- we don’t necessarily get fully “cured” from it entirely but we learn to better manage this condition, and hopefully become more proactive in addressing our symptoms! I am thinking of you from one mum to another and just know your doing the best you can to get through each day. You can literally just focus on one day at a time, or hour by hour- 98 % of the time my house is a mess! I struggle too with the routines and gruelling task of being a good mum and being present for my kids, and sometimes I leave the mess! As long as we are dressed, fed and I’m present for them, I feel I can make it through my day!

I’m sending you big hugs and hope yr week looks up! I also think it’s worth checking in with g.p re yr meds and having a chat , some can be great , if you feel yes is good with mental health def have a chat! Take care and remember how strong you are for bringing life into this world! 🥰🙏🏼🌈

[Auralay]

Thank you for all your responses, sorry it's taken so long to respond. Though I have been living with this for a long time, I'm still working out how to manage it & self care esp with the responsibility of kids... Also still trying to understand and explore why I still experience fluctuations whether different meds need to be tried or if there's something else at play. Currently I feel like I'm seeing a pattern coinciding with my menstral cycle where I'll have a few "good days" between my period and ovulation and then crash for the rest of the month.

Thanks for the suggestions. I find it hard to talk about it, partly because people just don't understand. My husband has gotten better at listening and being sympathetic despite not understanding, which I appreciate. I'm an introvert and it takes me a long time to get my thoughts out and find it hard to just bring things up out of the blue. Most people aren't patient enough to get it out of me :). I also get frustrated sometimes when I express something and people are like "oh I get that", when I know they may get it at a surface level, but not to the same depth and debilitation that I do and I feel like what I've said or experienced is diminished.

Thanks for the suggestion of the Meet Up app, I'll have to check that out.

Forgot my meds yesterday, so I know I'm in for a rough day. Haven't figured out what's best to do on days like this...

Thanks again for your kind responses.

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi Aurala,

Welcome to the forum. It is great to see you posting here and that you have received some great support from other members already. You are not alone in your struggles. Cocomarly, Miss920 and Truetomyself are only a few of so many people who are challenged to find the right balance in their treatment strategy. So many times people find themselves on a downturn in the management of depression or anxiety. This is common and is a really difficult experience. Be kind to yourself during this tough period. Reaching out for extra support during this time is important and I acknowledge you for coming here to the forum and sharing your story.

I can't give you the right answers but you are on the right track in continuing to try different strategies in reaching your health goals. Medication is not always the only treatment that is required. For some people is healing comes in the form of direct support. As Truetomyself has mentioned, there are groups where like-minded people support each other or you might find support in the way of a counsellor. You mentioned that you saw psychologist in the past but you felt 'mushy' in your brain at that time. Perhaps now is the right time to try again? Having a second go might be the 'thing' that makes everything clearer and become more manageable. Another option could be to try an online support program like MindSpot. It is a free program for people over 18 who have depression or anxiety symptoms. You can read about it here on www.mindspot.org

Another suggestion could be to visit a local woman health centre and get an appointment with a Doctor who specialises in Woman's Health or even a Gynaecologist. They may be able to discuss and explain some of the hormonal implications and impacts on your mood and symptoms. Hormones and the impact on mood is a point of discussion that is raised on the forum quite often and I can recommend you use the search feature above to review some of the previous threads.

There are so many different combinations of treatment and I encourage you to reach out for extra support while you persist in finding the right combination. Accessing more support during this time is important. You are not alone in finding balance.

Finally, if you ever need a chat, don't hesitate to contact the Beyond Blue support line on 1300 22 4636. Sometimes this can really help in a tough moment.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,
Nurse Jenn