Taking first big step into getting help

[mikayuu68]

Hi everyone,

I first posted a few months back on how I was starting to become down and struggle with everything. My parents were telling me to book an appointment to see the school counsellor, and I received the same answer on here. I was incredibly anxious about seeing her for the first time, even though I knew her as I had seen her before (but for other friend's problems). I hung off a couple more months, thinking it would all go away, but I'm getting worse. It came to the point where if I didn't go to her, my parents would have forced me to. I emailed her, and saw her the next day. I told her that I was struggling with tiredness, lack of concentration, overwhelming irritability and anger towards my younger sister (who is autistic), change in appetite to the point where the thought of eating food would make me feel sick during the day, and just struggling with day-to-day living. I saw her, and told her all this. She suggested that I go to the GP to have a blood test done, as she thought I was lacking in iron and vitamin B. Got the bloods back a week later showing I was not lacking in anything, so she sent me back to the doctor.

Through talking with him and filling out a SAD (stress anxiety depression) quiz sheet, he's referred me onto a sleep specialist (to check for sleep apnea) and a psychologist. The waiting periods for these two things are huge, I booked a month in advance for the sleep specialist (who I will see at the end of this month), and have been mucked around with the mental health care system. My dad's work offers free mental health care for immediate family members, but after a few weeks trying to get into them and failing to do so, we've gone back to the doctor to draw up a mental health care plan. He's referred me to a nearby psychologist, who we rung up today and were told I would first be able to see her in at least 2-3 weeks time, as she's booked out completely until then.

Sorry for spilling, but here's my concerns; I haven't told anyone just how much my anger has been affecting me (to the point I want to physically hurt my sister to stop her stimming and annoying me) and I am anxious about seeing this psychologist. I feel if I spill everything, I'm going to be referred into more mental health care or possibly something else. I've started failing school subjects, and since then have given up my dream career of being a vet. I have no clue what I want to do in life anymore.

Thanks in advance, just needed to get that off my chest xx

[white knight]

Hi, welcome back

Your career as a vet might just end up on hold. Other careers more easily within reach like stable hand, vet nurse or zoo animal carer might well be a good happy medium. I too had my ambition singular in bring a pilot in the Air Force. It didn't happen and without a plan B I ended up in all sorts of jobs. Have a plan B and C.

With psych appointments a long way off coming on here has advantages. We'll never replace their expertise but this forum is open 24/7 and you get lots of opinions.

I too lived with a sibling that required more attention from my parents with his restrictions and needs. Try to be tolerant. It isn't your siblings fault.

Think of distractions. A hobby you can do in your room. Also physical exercise will channel your anger.

Cheers tony wk

[Doolhof]

Hi Mikayuu,

It certainly does help to vent and let out your feelings and frustrations doesn't it! Tony has provided you with some great suggestions in his post.

I am sure that if you were to talk to a psychologist/psychiatrist about some of the things they here from clients, you might be very shocked.

These people are there to help you. I'm sensing that you are not sure of the reaction you will receive if you mention how angry you are feeling towards your sister. Is this a concern of yours?

If so, would you like to share what you think might happen? I am assuming the psych may offer you ways to dealing with your anger. Make suggestions on how to control your emotions before they blow out.

There is also a thread here where you can send in a post to a Dr. Kim. I don't know what heading it is under. Hopefully you will find it okay. I am not all that good with computers so don't know how to explain how you can find the thread.

I have sent in a post and found Dr. Kim's answer to be very helpful. You might like to mention your anger issues and how to deal with them.

I don't want to prattle on too long! Hope some of this helps and makes sense to you.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Zeal]

Hi Mikay,

I'm glad Tony and Mrs Dools have already given you great advice. I'd also like to welcome you to the forum.

It's good that you are booked to see a psychologist. In the meantime, you can call beyondblue's 24/7 helpline on 1300 22 4636 if you feel you need to talk to someone. The person answering the call is knowledgable. I've used this service once before when I was extremely anxious and upset one afternoon, and found it helpful.

I've volunteered with children who have disabilities such as Autism, and it's understandable that you feel frustrated by your sister's behaviour. It is not your sister's fault, but this unfortunately doesn't always stop the frustration from seeping in. This intense anger must be concerning you. These thoughts of physically hurting your sister do not equate to physically doing something to her. Bad thoughts happen to many people from time to time. At the moment, these thoughts you are having are strong and dominant. This is not your fault. Tell your psychologist about this, and you will get help to manage the thoughts.

Please don't be afraid of talking freely to your psychologist. I'm studying psychology at uni (and hoping to do postgraduate counselling next year), and I can assure you that your thoughts will not disturb your psychologist. "Bad" thoughts do not mean that someone is a bad person. It is our actions that are the most important. When you do feel this anger surging, try going into your room, taking deep breaths, and try to do something distracting. Listening to uplifting songs on your iPod, or watching a funny video on youtube could help. I personally love watching talent show videos. I will link you to a few of them that are positive and entertaining:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L69X-e3ftN8&list=RDL69X-e3ftN8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfbEdmMFVA4&index=12&list=RDL69X-e3ftN8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49cU7gtPIzM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyvzBGwD1vs (this one is hilarious and certainly unique)​

I hope you find this forum helpful 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[Dr_Kim]

Hi Mikayuu68

i am so glad you posted to us. You are expressing many really healthy emotions and i want to reassure you that it is OK to be angry and frustrated with difficult situations. However, what is not OK , while in the phase where you are still learning healthy ways to manage these really tough feelings, they are really making you feel awful. You are clearly of school age so I do not expect you to have sorted everything out and have the ability to manage difficult internal emotions beautifully all the time. Most adults can’t do that so why would I expect that a teenager to!

There are some really positive things in your story.. firstly , that your parents know you are feeling bad and are trying to get you help - first via the school and then via a GP and other various specialists. they clearly care enough to try which is great. Also, what is great is that YOU care enough about yourself to try find a solution . You don’t have the answers yet but you are mature enough to know that there is a problem and you need help and I really admire you for that.

I think your GP is doing the right things by excluding some “physical “ reasons why you might be feeling awful whilst also proceeding down the path of psychological support. It is quite common for good psychologists to have “waiting lists” of a few weeks to get in to see them so I think that sounds about right. I know it feels like ages to wait , but it will probably be worth it . Remember 3 things about therapy though -

1. It doesn’t work in just a couple of seesions, it takes time.
2. You get out what you put in and...
3. Therapists are not meant meant to be your best friend, but should feel like they are trustworthy and kind. If the first therapist isn’t “your cup of tea” don’t panic , try someone else…

I’m not sure what you are worried about with the therapist .. are you concerned that he/she might think you are “crazy” or might refer you to a psychiatrist or into a hospital ? Is that what you meant by “ more mental health care”? If so, rest assured that there is nothing in what you have said in your post that sent a red flag to me that you are severely psychiatrically unwell.

Even your thoughts of wanting to harm your sister when she is being difficult  will be unlikely to shock your psychologist as I think they are understandable. I hope that you can work together to develop healthy coping strategies to mange anger and allow you to feel calmer . This is what psychologists do all the time and I don’t think this will be a shock to them to be asked to help you in this way.

Also ask your psychologist to work with your school and your parents to help support you to manage your school work and homework in a kind of “ team“ way . Sometimes when you are not feeling great , having a team around you to help you and give you structure in your day and check up on you can be a relief and make you feel that people “get it” and are on the journey back to health with you.

With respect to sorting out your life plans .. its going to be really hard to do that when you feel totally wound up, angry and down . I would suggest getting the help to feel mentally happy and healthy again and then tackling those questions with fresh eyes and and more clarity.

[mikayuu68]

Hey everyone,

Thank you for all of your replies, I really appreciate it.

Yes, I have been trying to find some healthy coping strategies apart from shutting myself down and bottling it all up. So far, what I've found works is going into my room with the door shut and plugging in earphones really loud, whether that's to popular song remixes, songs that remind me of my childhood or rock/metal (I know my music tastes are incredibly varied!). My three friends at school are really good too, two of them have experienced depression (especially my best friend out of the bunch, he's been pretty bad at times) before and I have kind of let onto them I'm starting to get quite down, but I don't think they realise to what extent - I have always been the happy-go-lucky one of the group.

Another form of escape I use is watching anime. My friends all watch it too, and similar to reading a book, it's great to get lost in another world for awhile. It is also amusing, thanks for the links I'll look them up 🙂

I also think I'm worried about what the psychologist will say, because I haven't told anyone the full extent of how I'm feeling. It's also the first time I've gone for proper mental health help before. I will when I see her, let it all out and tell her everything, and whatever the outcome and what's next, I just have to keep telling myself it will be worth it in the end, to start passing school again and have that goal in life to work with animals.

Regarding career choices, my ultimate goal for over 10 years has been to become a veterinarian. I never looked up back-up plans, all I had to fall back on was anything to do with animals. I talked to one of the heads of my school about what I'm going through at the moment to let her know, and she looked it up and said I'm not doing the correct subjects to get into this specific uni course (I should be doing the highest Maths, which I haven't been allowed to do since my Maths levels aren't that high). I have also been hating and now failing Chemistry, which is a huge part of the uni course. I've decided to change the subjects for my final year of school (next year) to leave out Chemistry, cutting me completely off for that section of uni. I'm looking at other uni courses now with no prerequisites, or possibly TAFE. I don't know yet, and that's kinda scary when my entire life I've been focussed on one goal.

Thank you again for your replies, it feels good letting others know and getting suggestions.

It means a lot xx

[Doolhof]

Hi Mikayuu,

From what you have written here, it does sound like you have some good support. Dr. Kim is wonderful too isn't she. I have benefited from some of her advice and suggestions.

It is great you have some supportive friends who understand how you are feeling and what you are going through. You may be able to help and support each other. Sharing what helps with others may make their lives a little easier as well.

Trying to work out your career path can be difficult. There may be other options around animals besides being a vet. Chemistry and Maths used to confuse me! Ha. Ha.

Dr. Kim has provided some good advice regarding the psychologist and what to expect. You may find the first session will be answering questions and talking about your whole life. The psych may also give you some tasks to work on at home. Give them your best shot.

You can have someone with you during the session if that will make you feel more relaxed. Or you could ask some one to join you for a few minutes until you feel comfortable enough to talk to the psych yourself.

It is great you feel comfortable sharing how you are feeling here. I have certainly found it to be very beneficial myself. Knowing people care can be so comforting!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[mikayuu68]

I was able to make it in today for an appointment time someone had cancelled, I had no idea what to expect! The psychologist was really nice, she explained everything and said it may be a bit overwhelming and like an interrogation with the flood of questions she asked (which it was lol) and she kind of let me talk about everything to do with school, my sister, my dad now deciding to a few months off work to be home and support us (and now looking at changing to a different, lower-paying job to be closer to home for us) and how I'm feeling. We made an appointment for me to catch back up with her in another 2-3 weeks.

Another thing she did was help talk through my feelings and understand a bit better about how I swing from emotion to emotion. She illustrated it as a stair case, with the lower stairs being in the basement and the steps beginning from 'sad, guilt', then 'angry', then 'anxious'. The middle stair was 'indifference' and the one above that was 'hope'. It was amazing the way she described it ~ she knew what my emotions were fluctuating from and illustrated it out into a way that made sense to me.

Next time we meet up she said she would begin helping me with some possible coping strategies to deal with everything, and she said the main focus will be to help me move between these different emotions quicker and help me stay on the higher steps.

I think the medicare/health cover allows us to have 5-6 psychologist appointments in a set, then if I need more I can go back to the doctor and draw up another mental healthcare plan to be renewed for another number of appointments.

Thank you all~~

[Doolhof]

Hi Mikayuu,

It is wonderful you have been able to see a psychologist. Like you mentioned, the first appointment can be a bit daunting. She sounds like she explained everything to you very clearly. I like her analogy of the stairs.

We all have days where we feel like we are stuck in the basement, it is great you can now think about heading up those stairs and working out how to get there.

I always find the more I understand about a condition or situation, the better I am able to deal with it.

Hope you manage to keep moving forward. On the days when you do feel like you are going backwards or are standing still, tell yourself that is okay. Just look ahead and think of where you want to be.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools