Suggestions for Help

[UsedToBeANiceGuy]

Hello,

I am in a dark place in my life. I am struggling to be taken seriously by those around me. I am crying out for help and have started visiting a Psychiatrist, however I was placed on medication and sent on my way. I feel myself changing into something that scares me. I am losing control of myself and I can feel a monster building inside me. I have always thought about hurting people in revenge because of how they hurt or took advantage of me... But I was always able to somehow suppress it, due to my gentle nature. I have stopped working because I fear what I will do in response when people disrespect or bully me. Now, I am no longer Mr. Nice Guy... I can feel something deep inside me that is roaring, it is telling me to respond with violence, to hurt people to show them I am serious. I have been to my GP, I have been to a health retreat, I have been to a Psychiatrist, I have tried seeking advice in chatrooms, I have tried a holistic approach, I have tried being open and honest with everyone around me as to how I am feeling, I have tried contacting Lifelife, I have tried everything to be heard. I have not been diagnosed with anything despite spending every last dollar of my savings on professionals, but they just say the same thing - take these pills and be healthy. But I am healthy. And I do take the pills.

I don't want to go to jail, I don't want to hurt anyone that does not deserve it.... But there is only so long I can fight a burning desire inside me to do something unspeakable.

Please, does anyone know if I can admit myself to be thoroughly assessed and NOT just sent on my way within a few days?

I just want to get better and maybe one day live a normal life. I don't want to go to jail, but it seems that is the place I am going to end up and if that's the case, I might as well go out with a bang you know?

[Croix]

Dear UsedToBeANiceGuy~

We will take you seriously. I'm sorry life is so hard at the moment, you seem to have tried a fair number of things, do you feel any have been any help at all? Repeated attempts can be very frustrating if nothing positive seems to happen.

Being scared of what one might do is a horrible way to be and as you know the anger inside you does need to be dealt with. There is no percentage in hurting others even if you think there is some reason, it will end badly and make you own situation worse. I would not suggest goal for anyone, life in a correctional institution is highly unpleasant.

I'm sure you know all this and don't really need me to tell you. Trying to find the right MH professional can be hard and there is always the decision to stick wiht one to see if things improve or to try someone else. The only thing I can say there is it does take time for things to sort out.

As for an assessment in your area, I'm afraid this Forum is the wrong place to ask, we can't make specific recommendations for you. You can ring our 24/7 Help Line (1300 22 4636) and ask what they suggest.

May I ask if you have anyone to support you at the moment? A friendly face can make a big difference

Croix

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi UsedToBeANiceGuy,

Thanks for your post.

I can’t help but feel frustrated when reading your post, because I can see that you want to get help and yet I also see how much you’ve been pushed away and dismissed. The mental health system drives me crazy.

I wish that I had better advice for you but I truly think that it is about continuing to push. Is there someone that you have seen regularly; was the psychiatrist or GP ongoing or a once off?

I’m also interested to know if you’ve talked to either your GP or Psychiatrist about what you’ve said here - that you’ve taken the pills and they haven’t worked; about how you genuinely fear that you might hurt someone.

If you have someone that you trust, bring them to advocate for you. Speak up. You have the right to say “no, I don’t want medication” and reinforce that you need some help.

I feel like the key (from my own experience), is not just trying other people but going back and speaking up. Sometimes you have to make yourself heard and ask for what you need.

Also - there are bulk billing psychologists and psychiatrists around. A recent google just had a few bulk billing ones that do through teleconferencing - so hopefully that can encourage you to look past the difficulty of paying for it all.

[Abbz90]

Hi UsedToBeANiceGuy.

I can relate to SO much u just said.... Apart from being a girl, not a guy.

I feel a completely different person from 2 years ago, a year ago, or even a couple of months ago. I’m getting angrier, sadder, more confused, and feeling more dangerous to myself and others each day.

Others do NOT understand and I don’t know what to do. I am on meds, but 1/2 the time am not taking them, because I hate how they just mask how I’m really feeling. No one else gets this!

I keep suggesting I go and stay somewhere to get help, but people keep saying they don’t know where to send me that’s safe and reliable, so for now it’s just psych appointments and meds (on and off), which doesn’t feel like enough help.

Anyone got any ideas on good places to get intense help?

Slowely going out of control.

BTW... I’m totally new to Beyond Blue and these forums.

[therising]

Hi UsedToBeANiceGuy

You convey your frustration so well, leading me to ask 'What the hell is wrong with all these people?!!!!!' I wish certain professionals would stop treating meds solely as a bandaid, sending people on their way with a 'That'll do' attitude.

Unless you're broken, bruised or bleeding, it can be hard to find a professional who'll listen. To give you an example of obvious negligence - Some years ago, I went to my GP complaining of occasional dizziness, mild sinus pressure with no headaches, occasional paralysis down one side of my body and debilitating bouts of anxiety. His diagnosis - 'We'll put you on anxiety meds'. "No, find out what's going on!' was my response. Nup, the meds were pushed but I refused so he said we'll discuss the meds next session. Grr, he wasn't listening to the patient!!! Miracles do happen - it was a Sunday when I had an episode that was worse than ever before so I landed at a different doctors. She gave me a form for a brain MRI scan. Very long story short - I was experiencing silent migraines (migraines without headaches). Luckily, I was having a migraine in the MRI machine at the time. The altered blood flow/chemistry in my head was causing the anxiety. The condition was effectively treated. End of story.

UsedToBeANiceGuy, if you know there's something wrong you need to push and push and push it until someone hears you (definitely a frustrating process). Our brains and chemistry go out of whack for a reason, for example, much research has been done in the way of serotonin levels in relation to aggression and depression (have a look online if it helps). As romantic_thi3f mentioned, take someone trusted with you who can advocate, pushing the point home. Sounds like you may need to have someone reassess the medication. Whoever put you on it has a duty of care to follow up on it.

Take care of yourself on your quest to be heard