Sigh: why r docs always right? Shes been right I need more drugs. So exhausted. Why is life so hard?

[Beetle]

HI lovely forum people 

SIGH im so disappointed,Why are doctors always right? I was started on an SNRI's two weeks ago and started with half the dose because of the side effects. I had an amazing effect after only 2 days and was fine for around 10 days. My doc did warn me that i might hit a wall in a couple of weeks and that i should up the dose to avoid a relapse.I didnt want to hear this and thought : no i will be fine....i feel ok now so why should the effect of the drug stop?

My doc also advised me not to go back on placeemnt since i was quite sick and suicidal and she said i need rest and stuff. I knew she was right .but what u do?I need to do what i gotta do otherwise my life gets economically dowen the toilet. I gotta push myself to go otherwise i wont get my degree.So against her advise i pushed myself to placement all week. Its been increadible hard.Its been like pushing an elephant upstairs.Thursday the beast crept up again.The pushing got harder and harder and i could feel that the drug could't really even out my stresslevels anymore.Had to call beyond blue last night. I was so exhausted and felt hopeless again. Suicidal thoughts were not too bad but lurking around.I felt if i dont call them now i wont be able to call them again because the dark cloud will be so overpowering that i might do something stupid.But talking did help. I had some wine after the chat and woke up again.

this morning. Im still alive -yeah.But still exhausted. I upped my dose this morning and awaiting the side effects to kick in but its not too bad so far. Thats good. maybe i wont have the sideeffects.....Now just lying on my bed surfing the net. Just need some real downtime so that i can survive next week.Why is life so hard. why cant it be easier. I havent chosen this. this is just so frustrating.Sorry had to vent and write down my thoghts.thanks for reading.beetle

[geoff]

dear Beetle, it's tough, bloody tough and damn depression, why do we have to be cursed by this illness, the mind boggles, I have no answer, and even if I did it may gel with some but not for others.

Why do some people believe in religion while I don't as well many who don't, is there any justification of why not, maybe yes or maybe no, but to me I can justify why not, but the person sitting next to me won't accept what I have to say.

The same principle applies to medication, will my doctor give me antidepressant X because he may get more 'kick backs' from the company if he prescribes it to me, even though it may cause too many side effects, I would say yes, and to say keep taking it because it will settle down eventually.

So in other words you should not have to have gone through all of this feeling ill and unwell, because there must be another type for you to be able to take, that your symptom will be able to cope with. Geoff.

[Chris_B]

Hi Beetle,

I'm glad you were able to call for help when you needed it.  Please keep that number by your phone, or have it in your favourites, maybe even make a note for yourself in a prominent place at home that reminds yourself that if you're feeling really low to call the number.  We all need that lift up sometimes when things get that bad.

With regards to your placement, have a think about athletes who injure themselves and are desperate to get back out onto the track or the field.  What happens when they get back out before their injury has healed properly? It makes it worse, and they can be out of action for even longer.  Mental illness is very similar - taking a break from work may set you back a bit financially, but your health is the most important thing and you will need to have your strength back in order to commit fully to a job as well as enjoy it.

Take a look at the BB guide 'Taking care of yourself after retrenchment or financial loss' if you're concerned about the impact on your finances of taking a break from work:  https://www.bspg.com.au/dam/bsg/product?client=BEYONDBLUE&prodid=BL/0373&type=file

And as Geoff says, stay in touch with your GP about the meds you're on, if the side effects are worse than the main effect, then your doctor needs to know so he or she can investigate other options for you.

best
CB

______________________________________________
Online Community Manager

[Beetle]

HI Geoff

Thanks for your, as always, lovely and helpful post.Yes you are right, asking why doesnt give me any answers. there is no answer, i just have to accept i got the beast, other people have asthma or diabetis, i got the beast. Well I am still in the stage of accepting it. I havent yet. I think I still think its not me having it, but some paralell beetle which is sort of separated from the real beetle. You know. I dont want to be the one with depression and anxiety, i just cant accept that I have a mental illness. But i am working on it. Will talk that through with my councillour and GP.After my melddown on friday i gave myself plenty of metime. I did nothing except watching movies and eating and sleeping. That was just what i needed. The drug sideeffects didnt appear,Thank god. when i started the drug two weeks ago i was really sick with them for a week, even though they helped my mental state.Upping the dose from 30 to 60mg fortunatly didnt give me the same 'sick week'. So i will keep taking them as you advised  Goeff. I guess my doc gets a kick back form the company since she had samples in the cupboard, but dont do they all?

HI Christopher

Thanks for your lovely post..Yes i have the beyond blue number in my mobile on speed dial. Thats really helpful.You are right that healing your illness before you go back to placement is important otherwise it gets worse. I realise i am harming myself with going there. I doint even get payed- its all for uni. However i have now only 4 days to go and then some time off to relax. Then after i finishing my course I can take it easy until i start a new job. i will talk to my doc next week and wil tell her that i had a meltdown and what sideeffects. but after upping the dose they seem to ease off a bit and i am still taking them. maybe i have to be more patient.

Beetle