Should I seek a new psychologist?

[abigail_shoe]

8 months ago I moved across the world, leaving my friends, some family and my job. I've been seeing my psychologist for 7 months now. I'd say there has been some symptomatic improvements but that isn't necessarily a result of the session. Years ago, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Other than my current psychologist, I've never told a health professional before that I have suicidal thoughts.

I don't really know how to explain my doubts. Despite the many sessions I've had with Dr H, I am unsure of how I feel when I am with them. I'm not sure I trust them but I don't know why. I don't feel that I can tell them everything. I feel embarrassed during the sessions and I hate that I cannot control my emotions when we discuss my trauma. I don't feel comfortable expressing myself, in fact I despise myself when I cry in front of them. If I cannot explain myself, they will make suggestions based on what they understand and regardless of whether or not it is correct, I will agree with what they have said. I do not feel that I can correct them. I feel inferior to them and worry that disagreeing will cause them distress and upset. I worry that I am wasting their time. Some times, I feel like their opinion is being pushed onto me (but that relates more to me not being able to disagree).

On the other hand, they have been helpful with my anxiety (as much as they can considering my situation). They have identified over 10 schemas I have and on multiple occasions have pointed them out to me in discussions. They have no doubt helped me.

Do you think I should seek out someone else to help me on my journey?

I worry that I am just sabotaging myself with these worries; creating problems that aren't actually there. But I don't feel comfortable with bringing up these issues with Dr H. To me that looks like another red flag. Also, I don't know that I want to go over everything again with someone new. There is still a lot to be done; Dr H said this journey would take at least 1 if not 2 years to see some permeant improvements.

I don't really know if advice can be given to me on this but I would wholeheartedly appreciate any feedback on what I have said.

Thank you so much in advance. I apologise deeply if I haven't made much sense, I'm not at all good at articulating my thoughts.

[Sophie_M]

Hey abigail_shoe,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you for taking the time to share your story with our community. We're sorry to hear you've been having suicidal thoughts and that you feel unable to express yourself to your psychologist. We acknowledge how exhausting and painful it can be to open up about topics such as this. Do you think there is a reason why you don't trust Dr H.?  Is there anything you think they could do to make you feel more comfortable? 

If you feel Dr. H doesn't have your best interests at heart and that their communication style doesn't quite fit with yours, we think it might be worth seeking out another more compatible psychologist. Although, we can hear that part of the reason it's difficult expressing your thoughts is due to a fear of being negatively evaluated by your psychologist. It's possible these feelings may transfer to another psychologist. We think you are the best judge on whether Dr H is a good fit for you.  If you would like some help finding mental health support and perhaps want a second opinion on your situation, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. They will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area. Please check in whenever you're ready.

 

[Guest_1643]

Hi abigail -

just my simple opinion, but yes, I do think u should seek someone out

Sometimes therapists help with one area of our lives so we feel attached to them and wanna stay

i had to leave a therapist recently who was helpful in one area but overall the therapy was irritating and unfocussed.

I guess i had to raise my standards of what i wanted from therapy. Maybe u can continue wth this therapist while looking for another one?

Having a second opinion is sometimes good.
Welcome to the forums and thanks for ur open and honest post 🙂

[geoff]

Hello Abigail_shoe, and a warm welcome to the forums.

I agree with Sleepy, 'therapists help with one area of our lives so we feel attached to them and wanna stay', how true this is and sometimes a trap we could fall into.

Talking about your thoughts and how you feel to a person can often make you feel better, especially when they do listen to what you have to say because there are many secrets we don't tell our friends or family for fear of criticism, but a psychologist make comments/statements just to try and dig a little deeper, they know people aren't telling them everything they need to know, but the illness is causing this and not necessarily your fault.

If, however, there are points of discussion you don't feel comfortable telling Dr.H, then is this because you are too frightened to or don't want to break what relationship you have with them and this is very important, but any judgement they make is only to dig a little deeper.

They know the patient is dubious to divulge everything to begin with, so their job is to try and investigate what else is causing you to feel like this, they mean no harm what's so ever, you are paying them to help you.

A second opinion is always a good option, the only problem is, you will have to start from scratch again and then form another relationship with this new person, which may or may not suit you, so it's a difficult decision.

What you could do, and this is only a suggestion, is write down what you haven't discussed and then hand this over to them, this takes away any embarrassment or fear in actually telling them and may help you get over this hurdle.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[Guest_1643]

hi abigail and geoff

rereading ur post abigail i relate to everything u've said and feel i could've written this post myself.
So, know you're not alone!!

I saw a psychologist once who helped me with schemas and identified where i fit using schema work.
I thought he was nice and ethical. But we had no real connection. He did help me practically and try to help.
I had a hard time leaving him because he wasn't a bad therapist.

I went to hospital at one point and he didn't involve himself in my care there at all, and I felt neglected. After that point I ditched him and found someone a bit better.

I also felt so tired and exhausted for looking for a therapist, and this one had been recommended by someone who went to a lecture he gave, so i just thought i'd stick with him.

But I feel like givig lectures is a different skillset to providing therapy and at the end of the day, over and above their qualifications and training, we truly are seeking them out for their therapeutic services - for their ability to help us manage our life's struggle.

I relate a lot to ur post and still (and probably always will) feel conflicted about leaving a "nice-enough" therapist.

But I also feel that doing so was essential and probably saved my life.
So these feelings are normal, and especially if they help you in one area, we feel scared to leave them and miss out on that help.

I now have a therapist who helps me in all areas, and I'm almost like a new person. I have a tonne more hope. I did find the right therapist and left behnd the not-quite-right therapist.