Should I find another therapist?

BrendenFlea · ‎03-01-2019

Hi, I'm new here. I've been recently seeing a therapist for my anxiety, depression and other issues. Just had my third session today, and to be honest I feel like I don't gel with her at all. My first session was really confronting. She asked some really personal questions, some that I would never even would consider answering if a close family member or friend asked. It really made me evaluate myself as a person and how the things in my life have shaped me into what I am today, it was hard not to cry. Second session was worst. She was asking me all these questions about my upbringing and school life. One question she asked that really stood out to me was 'Why did you decide to go to this private school?' I told her because all my friends were going, and it seems like a prestigious school. Then she asked a follow up question, 'Whats wrong with public school?' I told her 'nothing, private just has more opportunities.' And somehow she comes to the conclusion that I am a snob, and I am better than everyone else?! How can I think that I am better than everyone else when I have self conscious issues? I grew up in a poor suburb, my parents are of working class back ground, which I am fortunate enough and grateful they've allowed me to attend such a great school. I couldn't help but feel offended, but I made it look like I was agreeing with her, even though I know deep down inside I am not a snob. I feel as if she's dominant in a conversation. When ever I give an answer, she seems to twist my words and distort my views even further. Third session today was ridiculous. She started 10 minutes late and my appointment only went for 40 minutes (supposed to be a full hour). She was reading through my notebook of my thoughts and how I've been feeling during the week. Again, she brings up the idea of me being snobbish, because I wrote about how I was nervous approaching my GP about my mental health, and getting a mental health plan, because I thought they would have no idea about the subject. She assumed that I think a specialist is better than a GP, and somehow a GP is inferior? Of course a specialist is better in terms of skill, but as a human they are equal! She then continues to waffle on about other examples, like how an architect is no better than a plumber, and how I am not special. LOL WHAT? I never said I was special. Where does she get these ideas from? Sorry for the rant. I have a lot to share and wasn't sure how to express it. Should I find someone else?

Hazel10 · ‎03-01-2019

Of course you should find someone else. If you don’t feel your therapist is a “good fit” after three sessions, give her away.

smallwolf · ‎03-01-2019

Hi BrendenFlea,

Welcome to beyond blue.

I will get to your question shortly. But I first want to say there are things that I have told my psychologist that I have not told anyone else, wife included. There are some things (I think) they do not really need to know. I can give you examples if you want, but will leave that for a later time. I was also asked some personal type questions, but I put that into the category of "them" wanting to know what made me tick. Now I went to a private school as well, but I was not asked about public school.

The relationship between a therapist and client is an odd one because while you are essentially paying someone to listen to you, can help you resolve issues, you are also telling that person you innermost secrets and thoughts that you might not tell another person. Secondly, the psychologist is expected to show empathy and compassion to the client and their situation.

Now, since it is a service you are paying for, you could either (a) tell the therapist (in an objective and not argumentative manner) the issue you face with them - that is, you are saying she thinks you are snobbish or (b) do as Hazel suggested as find someone else.

Ideally, the relationship between the therapist and client should be a good relationship, and IMO, like you have with a close friend where you are comfortable to tell them anything. And if it is not like that, then you can consider your options. You would not be the first person or last person who has had a personality conflict with a therapist.

The last thing I would mention, and keep in mind none of us were obviously present,and cannot see body language, or tone or ???? but is it possible the questions you were asked without any hidden agenda? I am only throwing it out there.

I would also feel cheated if I only got 40min as well.

As I said, you have options as to what you can do, and wish you the best of luck,

Tim

BrendenFlea · ‎03-01-2019

Thanks for the replies guys! I think the best idea is to seek another therapist. Hopefully I find the one for me. I don't want to be spending a substantial amount of time and money on someone who is going to make me feel worst than I started off.