Sexual side effects of boyfriend’s meds

[daffodilia]

Hello! Not sure if this is the right forum so apologies if not.

So context: a few years ago, I was on an antidepressant that had sexual side effects that were a real bummer. I changed meds, and the new one has been working fine, no side effects.

My boyfriend has had anger/anxiety issues, and earlier this year started the same antidepressant as I first did. It’s helped a lot and he’s much, much happier now!

However, in the past few months his libido has dropped massively. He doesn’t seem bothered, but it is starting to bum me out. The rest of the relationship is great, but I just miss the intimacy of touch, not even just the sex part. We’ve talked about it (didn’t really come to any conclusions though) but I still find myself dwelling on it and wanting more.

I’m pretty sure it’s linked to the same antidepressant, but he is noncommittal and doesn’t seem interested in changing anything or discussing things with his doctor. I also feel bad for being frustrated, given I had had this exact same issue a few years ago and he put up with it. (Thoughts also creep in about maybe he’s lost interest in me or doesn’t care. I do know they’re stupid and I try my best to ignore them).

I’m not going to ask him to change meds when they work so great for him otherwise, but is it terrible of me to want him to?

[geoff]

Hello Daffodilia, and a warm welcome to the forums.

If only we could just click our fingers and depression would never return, a dream we all desperately wished for, and maybe it's a possibility in the future, who knows, maybe.

We understand exactly what you are saying because certain AD's had the same effect on me and it's not so much as wanting to be intimate but the loss of being able to, if that situation was ever to present itself.

It's difficult to determine his feelings in your relationship, however, there can be the occasion, and I'm not saying this is it, besides the medication, where someone may not want to be intimate, because if they are, then they are expected to open up and that may not be their alternative.

Talking to your spouse/partner about their own depression is so challenging, it can be confronting and indeed upsetting, because not only are trying to help another person, but also look after your own needs.

You can't imagine that it's because of your relationship and only anticipate it's from the AD, are you able to make a joint appointment with the doctor on the premise it's something you would really like him to be there with you.

Another option is to ask one of his mates to have a chat with him.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[CalmCat]

Hi daffodilia,

I hear you, I too have been in a situation where medication effected intimacy - actually a few relationship.

Its not bad for you wanting him off the meds as intimacy is such an important aspect of life.

I've had to learn to compromise with loved ones when this issues arises.

Good luck and you are not alone!

Regards,

D