Hi Sophie
I think some cases of depression can be pretty straight forward. Other cases can involve a recipe for depression, where a whole list of ingredients can all add up. While I used to believe post natal depression related to hormonal changes (based on false or limited information), my own experience with PND led me to a far better understanding of how complex it can really be. Btw, when I had both my babies at different times (more than 19 years ago), I was already in the midst of long term depression. My challenging experiences with mothering in both cases just added fuel to that fire.
A list of some of the ingredients for the perfect recipe for depression for some mums can include
- A sense of isolation. A lack of a circle of people who can serve in a whole variety of different ways
- Not being able to make better sense of the struggles that can come with being a mum to a baby, especially for the first time
- A lack of mental, physical and emotional support (including not having anyone to help us make better sense of certain key telling emotions)
- Serious sleep deprivation
- Problems with breast feeding
- False beliefs, including the belief 'It's meant to be easier than this'. The truth is some mothers face few challenges and others face many, including stressful and/or depressing ones
- A depressing lack of inspiration and solid vision of the way forward
- A significant lack of highs. For example, if what used to give us natural highs included stepping out the door anytime we wished to go see a movie, vibe at a nightclub or enjoy a carefree shopping spree etc, when a baby comes along, such highs can go out the window. Few or no highs can lead to lows. A depressing lack of dopamine is something that can definitely be felt
With a much longer list of ingredients, these are just a handful.
I'm wondering if you have any friends or family members who you can think of in the way of support and guidance. Which one comes to mind while thinking 'I need to ask them if they can come and support me for a week or so?' or 'Which one can I go and stay with for a couple of weeks?'. Personally, I find the best people to help with depression in general are open minded wonderful people, who'll sit and wonder with me as to why I'm struggling and feeling the emotions I'm feeling. Being left to wonder alone can definitely add to depression.
It wasn't until after having my 2nd child that I found myself in post natal depression group therapy with a number of other mums who I could completely relate to, in regard to how normal all my feelings were. Thanks to my baby's health centre sister (a brilliant guide at that time in my life), I was guided in the best direction under the circumstances. I've found the best guides are the key to unlocking ways forward. Not only can they give us a sense of direction, they can also help shed light on so much when we're trying our best to feel our way through the dark ❤️🙂
