New medication versus Limbo

[Essellarh]

Hi all,

I havent used a forum such as this before & it seems to help & support many. I was recently diagnosed with bipolar2  & I feel as though I am in limbo,  at the mercy of my seemingly upredictable & highly fluctuating moods/emotions. In hindsight I guess the same could be said from much earlier on (diagnosed with depression&anxiety at 15years, Im now nearly 29). However it was only this year that something 'clicked'  as being perculiar, that something being a few mild hypimanic episodes.I am SO tired of this instability & have just started taking  a mood stabilizer medication with much hope & anticipation - it has been such a long time since I have felt well. 

The dosage will apparently take weeks of adjustment & I am concerned that  I am going to 'lose control' during this process as I am feeling particularly fragile of late & more on the down swing.. which is usually quite debilitating & leaves me struggling to keep up the facade when I need to, & stuggling to function in general as it worsens. This is a major concern as I am currently finishing a degree & sorting out employment for next year - both definite causes of stress, but much excitement & anticipation too. So I am afraid to just rely on this medication in combo with other strategies to get me through this down phase,  but through starting a new career. 

Has anyone else taken a mood stabilizer? What was your experience in terms of your moods?

Also, I have been wondering if it is even possible to monitor how you are going..?  My psychiatrist (who is great, though rarely available) has alluded to the notion that if I continue to monitor my moods, some patterns may emerge & triggers may be identifiable. Do mood stabilisers assist with this? I have been monitoring my moods for months now & I cannot identify any patterns, or triggers.. .. ..

Any wisdom would be greatly appreciated! Thanks 

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear amazing uni student Essellarh coping with mood stabalising drugs,

The "lose control" you refer to ?  Hypomania ?  Suicidal ideation ?   Not getting the last donut in the student cafeteria ?  Seriously, worrying about such things is like saying "Anxiety, I'm over here, come and get me".   You can rest assured that mood stabalising drugs work but do need a bit of fine tuning.  This is mostly done with your assessment of moods and the trusty blood test (normally taken 12 hrs after the last dose).  The blood test is pretty accurate and there are definate parameters that medical care goes for - if you come off below the level they increase the dose or if you show up over the level (toxic) you get to reduce the dose.   It's like pouring milk into your tea - too little or too much.

I don't think triggers are that hard to work out.   Ask a few questions:

a.  Did I sleep through the night ?  Sleep is the main reason for mania (well, lack of sleep).  Try going to bed at the same time.  Get up and try again after 20 mins.  It's up to you to implement this as most psychiatrists can't be contacted at 2am.  Even if you married your psychiatrist there would still be grumbling and no help  But I digress.

b.  Are you stressed by course deadlines and exams ?  Have you run out of black ink for the printer at the critical time ?  Do you need an extension that the University Medical Centre can easily provide given your bipolar nature.

c.   In the first Rocky movie how many eggs did Sylvestor Stallone break into a cup and swallow ?  OK, that was a distraction.   You'll need to distract yourself from the anxiety and constant "Are the meds working ?" by some means.

d.   When was the last time you ate & drank regular meals ?  Are you getting a walk in ?  Is there any chance you can only use the computer for 2 hour sessions and then watch The Big Band Theory for half an hour ?  You need to find a balance.

e.    University is study, yes.  But are you having fun too ?   Does all that study come with a social life ?   Are you able to develope some self confidence and boogie it ?  Or at least join the Campus Security Squad and drive around on the odd night shift policing others incalcritant enjoyment and saying things like "Well, I don't want to see you having fun here again when I swing back around.   The MacDonalds on Driver St will be open in 45 mins why don't you and your little friend head over for breakfast there.  And save me a Sausage and Egg McMuffin".

Great psychiatrists are rarely available.    If you can get an angle on yourself and living with bipolar then so much the better.  My main coping mechanism is walking my border collie although I do write music too as an occupation.  I guess that's the deal.   You need to be occupied with the bipolar stuff but you also need to be engaged in life.  Enabling the enabler.  (As a uni student I am using big words !).

Adios, David.

PS  What is your major ?  Employment hopes ?  Favourite colour ?   I went for a blood test this morning but the GP thought I said blood pressure test.   As I knew this medical lapse was one of my triggers I had to leave the surgery.    It was my fault there was a misunderstanding.  Usually I take in a Danish Pastry and then I get my GP's undivided attention and the visit is successful.  My bad.  But then I may have eaten it while waiting for the GP.  As the movie says "It's complicated".  This is the kind of distraction you need to alleviate your meds angst.  Try it.

[Essellarh]

Dear David,

Thanks for your suggestions and help. 

I guess by 'lose control' I mean slipping further towards melancholic depression, or switching to some form of hypomanic hell. Im still trying to make amends from the last up episode, and trying to lose weight from the medications used to, as my GP said, "bring me back down."

I monitor my moods, sleep, diet, exercise, stress.. among other things. I'm not particularly stressed with uni (no exams this semester!!!), I thoroughly enjoy my work, I do socialise when possible, I have a great job lined up for next year, I am a master of distraction methods (also procrastination),.. but I can't distinguish anything that would trigger the current underlying lowered mood, or the fluctuations.

Do you still monitor yourself? Im getting a bit sick of it!

Thanks,

Ess

PS - going into nursing, fave colour is green.  😉

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Ess,

Maybe having a partner is the best way for having yourself monitored.  Interesting choice of favourite colour - green - given your current "going into nursing".  All systems go.  Have you got someone close that knows your moods ?

The last couple of years I've had the depression WITH a manic edge.    There's another responder called "Dennis38" with this same problem - what about you ?

A university course without exams this semester ????  Is that like drinking the new Sugar Free Soft Drink ?    Lol.  But there'd still be coursework & appraisals ?

May I reverse your thinking ?   It's possible the fact that you "can't distinguish anything that would trigger the current underlying lowered mood, or the fluctuations" is the reason you are currently suffering your underlying lowered mood, or your fluctuations.    Or maybe you're projecting a bit of anxiety about your "great job lined up for next year".    Nursing shifts can be hell.  You might find  a job with regular hours of nursing will reduce your mood swings or at least cause you less turmoil.  In NSW the Nurses are still fighting for a 1 : 4 work ratio.

Adios, David.