Nervous about counselling

Coffeebean · ‎11-05-2017

I thought I should post a newbie hello. It seems the polite thing to do, rather than lurking.

I am married, mother of two, working part time.

I've been taking an antidepressant for almost four weeks now, (first time) and need to see my gp again to arrange counselling (also first time). Side effects haven't been too bad, just restlessness and low appetite.

I've realised that I'm particularly bad at talking about myself. I am a really, really good listener, but when it comes to talking, nothing comes out. It's almost as if saying "I'm fine" has become automatic.

Coffeebean · ‎17-08-2017

I am not responsible for other people's thoughts and feelings.

BballJ · ‎17-08-2017

Hi Coffeebean ,

Thanks for asking, every day is a battle with anxiety these days. Just try to keep getting better.

How was the psych appointment?

I like your last post - I am not responsible for other people's thoughts and feelings - how true is this? What made you write it?

My best,

Jay

Coffeebean · ‎17-08-2017

Hi Jay.

That last post was what came out of my psych appointment. I wrote it here and in my journal to try to get it to stick in my head.

Im not responsible for anyone's thoughts, feelings, emotions. I have no control over them, i cant read minds.

Thoughts are just tiny zaps of brain activity...they have no power, they may not even be true.

This is what I have to keep telling myself.

Anxiety is 💩. Have you been doing any meditation? When I'm having trouble with anxiety I drink a herbal tea, can't remember the brand, but it's a Relaxing tea. I'm sure it's all placebo effect, but it helps slow me down a bit.

CB

Coffeebean · ‎19-08-2017

Even if I am responsible for a situation, i am not responsible for how others feel about it, or how they react to it.

BballJ · ‎20-08-2017

Hi Coffeebean ,

That is good you are trying to get that stuck in your head.. I like the idea of reading something every day to make it apart of your mindset. It really is great.

I like your take on our thoughts.... tiny zaps of brain power how true is that. An overthinking mind is very damaging.

I haven't been doing any meditation.. never tried it to be honest.. I may have to start, sometimes a massage is the most relaxing thing I do. Herbal tea I have heard many people speak about it for anxiety, wonder if it is placebo effect or it actually works.

How was your weekend?

My best,

Jay

Coffeebean · ‎21-08-2017

Hi Jay

my weekend was ok. My mood has been good. I know it may not last, so I'm just enjoying it while I can 😊

I'm supposed to do meditation every day ( while I'm doing CBT). But I'm pretty slack. Silly really, because I usually enjoy it. I use an app called 10% happier.

I'm at home, writing, drinking tea, enjoying some quiet time before the kids come home.

CB

BballJ · ‎21-08-2017

Hi Coffeebean ,

That sounds quite nice, it's good you are enjoying the head space you are in, sometimes when the easy days aren't there all the time, enjoying them when they are I think is perfect.

When I was doing CBT, I wasn't even told to do meditation but I think it may be something I need to try, I will look into the app as well.

Sound's like you had a good day, hoping the rest of the week is just as good.

My best,

Jay

Coffeebean · ‎25-08-2017

The good days don't last long. Right now I'm at work. I have been trying to meditate to try to get my head right. I don't think it's working. I have to work until 2. But I feel sick, my head hurts and my face if blotchy and puffy. It's hard to imagine a future of feeling ok.

My instinct is to run. But I know that's not the answer. I keep thinking that my family and the people around me would be better off if I wasn't here. I feel like I cause everyone around me so much trouble and stress.

BballJ · ‎27-08-2017

Hi Coffeebean ,

Apologies for the delay in my posts to you, I haven't been on the forums for a couple of days. I am sorry to read that you haven't been feeling to well. I imagine it is hard to meditate when you don't have a clear enough head. It these times you need to lean on everything you have learnt and also understand they good days always come with bad days and it about coming through them, they may last a while but you can come out of them because you have before... you have survived every bad day you have ever had up until this point, you can keep going.

I know the feelings of thinking your family would be better off with out you, I have been in the mindset too, but that is the mental illness talking, that's not you, no one is better off without you here, I am sure everyone just wants to you to be happy and healthy, no one would ask anymore of you.

How was your weekend been? Can you write some positive stuff that has happened this weekend? I would love to hear them, if they are negative that is no problem, just vent your frustrations.

My best,

Jay

Shred1106 · ‎03-09-2017

Keep going Coffeebean and, in time, the good days will start outweighing the bad. Everyone has rough days so keep that in mind too and no one is keeping score or judging you.

Hang in there!