Nervous about counselling

Coffeebean · ‎11-05-2017

I thought I should post a newbie hello. It seems the polite thing to do, rather than lurking.

I am married, mother of two, working part time.

I've been taking an antidepressant for almost four weeks now, (first time) and need to see my gp again to arrange counselling (also first time). Side effects haven't been too bad, just restlessness and low appetite.

I've realised that I'm particularly bad at talking about myself. I am a really, really good listener, but when it comes to talking, nothing comes out. It's almost as if saying "I'm fine" has become automatic.

BballJ · ‎11-05-2017

Hi Coffeebean,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

I have been in this exact situation you find yourself in... when I was diagnosed with anxiety (which I had been fighting for around a decade) I was advised by my GP to go and see a psychologist, I was so nervous, much like yourself because I also hated talking about my feelings and emotions.. it was so much easier to bottle them up and put a smile on my face to cover them up and hit people with the "I'm fine, just tired" line when people would ask how I was or if things were ok. I have found it is a common occurrence with many mental health sufferers.

I eventually agreed to counselling and yes the first session was a little interesting... I walked in thinking what on earth am I going to talk about for an hour.... little did I realise that hour flew by and I wouldn't shut up... the counsellor asks questions to get you thinking and eventually I find you just start talking... the nerves go away and the emotion spills out... I clicked with my psychologist as well as a I found her caring and understanding... the key is clicking with them.. if you find yourself not talking and giving limited information, chances are you haven't clicked with them and you may need to find another counsellor... you don't always click with the first one you meet, remember that.

The weight that comes off your shoulders after getting things out really is great so I do hope you find the courage to talk about what you are exactly feeling with them. You're on the right path to recovery.

My best for you,

Jay

geoff · ‎12-05-2017

hello Coffeebean, it can be very difficult to even start a conversation with a new psychologist, simply because it's a strange person and you don't how they are going to be or what they are going to say to you, maybe there might be some confronting questions and certainly private questions which you haven't told anyone else and now expected to tell this person who you know nothing about.
When you say 'I'm fine' is an indication to someone that there is something wrong, but to open up maybe held back because all you can do is cry, but at last you can cry in front of someone who is caring, it's a release, a freedom, one that you have always hidden away.
Can I suggest that you write down what is troubling you and hand it over to your psychologist, this may break the ice, where they will ask you some delicate questions, but can you also write down at the bottom of what you're written saying that you are very nervous about talking, they will respect this and slower talk with you.
I'm pleased that your medication hasn't been too bad, but if it does affect you then you should see your doctor. Geoff.

Achelois · ‎13-05-2017

Hello Coffeebean!

Welcome to the forums 🙂 I am fairly new here myself. I read your description and it rang a bell for me. I remember being a mum of two diagnosed by my GP with rather severe depression and being on anti-depressants for the first time (mostly to help with getting proper rest). I went to see a counsellor too.

Firstly, none of that is to say "I know how you feel". No one can really know how you feel, but sometimes it helps to have someone understand how it can be, and how it can feel.

You are really brave. It takes courage to face up to what you are going through. You might feel like you don't have the strength, or ability to talk about yourself, or something else - but you will find it.

Geoff had a good suggestion about writing some things down to help "break the ice" with your counsellor. You might even find that writing them helps you a bit all by itself, but you will find even more relief in talking things through with someone who is focussed entirely on you.

If you don't feel a connection with your counsellor, give it a bit of time. But if it does not get to feel "right", don't be afraid to ask to see someone else. The most important thing for you is to feel comfortable, safe and trusting when working with a counsellor. I was fortunate and had a great one first off - you may too! One of the best parts is not being judged - it sounds like you might be doing that to yourself, but the counsellor will not judge and might help you work through your own judgements. I say that because you have already identified that you tend to be quiet and say things are fine, like you are not worth being worried about. You ARE! If you are not feeling the way you want to feel, then you deserve the time and help and attention to help you get there. It will be your journey, but there are people who will help you along the way.

Please, if anything I have said is not quite right, I would love for you to correct me/give me the right story. This is all about you, and this forum is a place to find people who will support you through your journey.

If there is anyway I can support you, please let me know. It may take a day or two, but I will come back and check.

Coffeebean · ‎13-05-2017

Thank you Jay, Geoff and Achelois for replying. It's helpful to feel not so alone, because this is an awfully lonely illness.

Jay, I can't count the number of times I've used the "I'm ok, just tired" line to excuse my puffy eyes.

Thanks, Geoff for your suggestion. I'll try writing things down.

Achelois - you're exactly right when you say I feel like I'm not worth worrying about. When everything looks rosey from the outside it's hard for me to justify feeling bad, or to even imagine anyone believing me.

I know I'm sounding pretty negative, but Mother's Day tomorrow has got me down. I'll be ok, I have family around.

Tim1976 · ‎14-05-2017

It is always good to talk to someone who will understand so don't be nervous.

Your GP can only do so much so it is best to see someone who specialises in the area of mental health.

Everyone who loves you wants you to get better so don't worry about what other people think for a while.

Coffeebean · ‎16-05-2017

Well, I'm one step closer. I saw my GP again for my mental health plan today. I've had a rough few days. Every little thing seems to trigger negative thoughts. And the simplest tasks are a huge effort. My husband convinced me to take today off work, and made the appointment for my GP. Not sure where I'd be without him.

Achelois · ‎17-05-2017

Hello Coffeebean,

It is so good that you went to see your GP, and that your husband is doing what he can to support you. Hopefully you get just the right fit of counsellor the first time. Don't give up! You are worth it.

We are here for you.

Coffeebean · ‎22-05-2017

I'm almost 6 weeks into taking medication, and I don't think it's made much difference at all. I sometimes think I feel worse. Just not coping with the smallest things, up and down. I'm struggling to even imagine getting better. How long will this take?

Shred1106 · ‎22-05-2017

Hi there Coffeebean

You've got a lot going on and starting medication takes a lot out of anyone. Struggling to imagine getting better is a part of it all. Can I simply suggest you continue with taking steps rather than looking at time frames? Everyone's path is a little different and your description of the smallest things as well as the up and down is symptomatic. Be kind to yourself and most of all gentle with yourself. When the time is right it will come together but there is no clear time frame.Remember we are all here for each other with no judgement.

Wishing you well...and here to listen