Managing the end of a therapy session

[calculator74025]

Hi, so I've been to about 8 therapy sessions now and I'm always very nervous in them, even after 8 it's been very slow with me getting better at talking and I still hardly say anything the first 10 minutes.

I'm confused about what happened at the end of the session today, I now think I may have accidentally left before the end but unsure? At the end she asked me a admin ish question and I responded then there was a longish pause and then she said okay, in what I thought was a okay you should go now. So I said "sorry" and started closing my bag and got up slowly and left. She didn't say bye or anything which I think she normally does but the okay sounded very much goodbye ish. She texted later saying "didn't get the chance to rebook before you left today" and asked offered me dates.

So was just wondering what should I do?

In general I always get very stressed about how often I'm meant to have a session and about how the session ends, I get stressed if she goes over (like 5/10 mins) because I don't want to be taking up her time.

[P0L0]

Hello calculator74025,

Welcome to the forums and good job on seeking advice here, that's a big step.

Many of us can get nervous when speaking to others, especially people we do not really know that well, I know I have a lot of stage fright when it comes to speaking to new people, so you're not alone in this.

In terms of you not wanting to take up anymore of your therapist's time, it could be that you are almost too kind. It might be that you do not want to inconvenience her. Perhaps, try to allow other people around you to help you more. Your therapist is doing her job, and she is going overtime because she cares about how you feel. I have had a similar problem, where I push people away if they show that they care for me. It was hard to get over this habit, but it definitely was far from impossible. Have faith!

In terms of you feeling unsure about how the session ends, perhaps try to remain calm as much as possible. I know that whenever I feel anxious or stressed, I realise that I have a poor recollection of what happened during that time. Therefore, I say to try to be mindful. Check in with how you are feeling and try to address that. Perhaps some meditation might be helpful?

Whenever I feel very stressed or anxious, I try to understand what is causing my stress and I tell myself, it's going to be fine and I try to rationalise my emotions and ground myself.

Hope this helps and that you can feel better about your therapy sessions!

P0L0

[geoff]

Hello Calculator, and a warm welcome to the forums.

You ask a good question, and one problem I had was when I was told 'your times up', even after I had been seeing my psychologist for a very long time, I know that it's appropriate for them to say this, but saying good-bye in another manner I would have found to be more suitable.

If your sessions have been going along where you feel relaxed, and any questions asked you can answer without any trouble, then you will know yourself that you somehow you feel strong enough to cope on your own.

Please remember that she is there to help you, so you're certainly not wasting her time, that's what she was trained to do, that's her profession.

Take care.

Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Hello Calculator

Welcome to the forum. The problem you describe is quite common and I know I have a similar difficulty. It's usually the therapist who indicates the session has finished for the day although they all have different ways of saying this each one usually says the same thing.

Do you know how long your session is supposed to be? It can be 30 minutes, 45 minutes, 60 minutes depending on how the therapist sees your need. How long do you usually stay?

When I am unsure about various aspects of therapy I tend to make a list of topics and go through it in the consultation. Checking on the length of consultation time may be a good place to start. I have also asked the therapist to be definite about the end of the session. "Let me know 5-10 minutes before the end". It's helpful if you want to start talking about something that may take a while to get through. If you are near the end you can say "I want to talk about..... but there's not enough time. Can I give you an outline and we can talk next session?"

I think you may feel a little nervous to do this but do try. I was very unsure the first time. I think the therapists are pleased that you are wanting to let them know something about yourself. Lists usually work for me because I don't need to remember everything. We all know how we get home and realise we have forgotten something which is why I write grocery lists. Then I leave the list on the kitchen bench but it's a good theory.

Let the therapist tell you it's time to finish. You are not wasting their time, that's what they are there for. If you think it's the end of the session but not sure then ask. Are we finished for the day?

Hope this helps.

Mary

[calculator74025]

Thanks so much for your responses 🙂 yes I think I should ask if she will tell me before the end and then when it is the end, I just find i get very intimidated by her, like I do with most people.

I had another question if anyone could maybe answer?

I'm not really sure how to know what to say in therapy?

I know it's my fault, especially because I start off very very nervous and she has to ask me lots of easy questions like what did you do this morning to get me saying anything, which I feel stupid answering because I know it's just to get me talking and the answers don't matter.

But then from there it's just like: she asks me a question and I answer it. And I will say some things about why I'm there and some problems I have and then she answers. Is that just all that therapy is? I feel like I'm not doing it right and I don't think I'm "making progress" or something. I makes me stressed that there's not a lot of structure or something to the sessions.

She also sometimes has really big pauses and I'm like "why don't you say something yet?" It makes me think maybe she's not a good therapist, I don't know.

sorry, thank you

[geoff]

Hello Calculator, after seeing my psych for a very long time (WorkCover) I was still nervous going into counselling, simply because another problem I may have had could be raised by her.

It could be something I was trying to suppress or didn't believe it to be part of the puzzle, but perhaps everything connects together, maybe or maybe not, but if you find it to be a problem, then talk about it.

When we are needing psych help, then I don't believe we are entirely capable of forming any structure because our discussion can vastly change from topic to topic, the best part is that our psych knows exactly what's going on.

There were long pauses in my counselling and I felt uneasy, but perhaps it's time for the counsellor to gather their thoughts and allows you time to explore what has just been talked about.

Look out the window or ask them any question you want, counselling goes both ways.

Take care.

Geoff.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi calculator74025,

It looks as though you've gotten some great answers from your original post so I'll stick to your second post and try and provide some answers there.

I honestly think that even if it's a bit daunting, it would be really helpful to show your therapist this - they aren't mindreaders, and it may just be that your therapist is giving you space and time to think and talk, and doesn't know that you don't know what to say!

Therapy looks different in everyone - sometimes I go into a session and feel totally blank, sometimes I feel like I just talk, and sometimes we both seem to stare into space thinking. What most therapy sessions have in common though - is that they are conversations. There are generally no real 'answers' to what people are going through. As an example, if someone comes in with anxiety, the conversation might be about how anxiety started or different techniques to try.

I also want to let you know that there's no 'doing therapy right'. It's a bit of a weird relationship and set up - there's no rule book, and you certainly aren't failing.

I hope that you can find it in yourself to share these thoughts with your therapist. I think it will be really helpful and allow both of you to make some good progress.

rt