lost in the system

[deepdarkwoods]

hey all, I've struggled with mental health issues for as long as i remember, i've seen countless psychiatrists and psychologists but never anyone for an extended period of time. when i was younger while i battled with depression and anxiety i still managed to hold down full time jobs and had some semblance of a "normal" life albeit struggling all the while but over the past 10 years i have spiralled terribly to the point where i am no longer functioning on even a normal level. i have a lot of childhood trauma going on, have been diagnosed with major depression/anxiety when i was younger and took medication for a number of years but i took myself off them.. then 10 years ago after some major upheavals in my life i ended up in a psych ward for 8 weeks and being diagnosed with dysthymia along with major depressive episodes. since then i have had about 8 hospital stays and received a bunch of diagnoses to go along with it. it seems like i received a different diagnosis every time i saw someone different in the hospital setting.
so now I've been diagnosed with dysthymia, adjustment disorder, BPD, depression, anxiety, PTSD, dependent personality disorder, avoidance issues and god knows what else. worst of all though is i have developed a reputation for being non-compliant with treatment. I was on a wait list for DBT through my local hospital/mental health team but when i didnt show up for a couple of psych appointments they took me off the list.
During the past 10 years I've been homeless for much of this time, going from sleeping in parks to crisis accommodation, to renting rooms off people but ive never been able to get my foot up and out of this whole situation and honestly i doubt i ever will anymore. For the past 2 years ive been living in a homeless shelter - the support workers have kept me here because they just don't know what to do for me. (i've moved in and out of the same place 3 times before that as well) my life has been chaos for so long i have gotten to the point where i have totally given up on it altogether. i havent shaved or showered in months now, have isolated so badly that i have literally no contact with the outside world other than doctors appointments to get scripts filled, to pay rent or to walk to the local service station for cigarettes and ice coffee. i am literally just existing in a perpetual state of nothing but i have no idea where or how to get the help i need. where do i even start to work on my issue?

[White_Rose]

Dear Deepdarkwoods

Hello and welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to learn of all the things that have gone wrong in your life. You said you have a history of being non-compliant with treatment. Why do you avoid treatment? I think you need to start there as no offers of help can work if you do not put in the effort. I gather you do have contact with one or more doctors. Is that part of you wanting to get well again?

When you next see a doctor for a prescription can you ask the doctor to refer you to someone for help? I gather you are in the public hospital system. Can you ask for help there? If you do get professional help I think your world will brighten a little. You can see a counsellor from community organisations such as the Salvation Army and Anglicare. The next time you see your doctor for a prescription please ask if there are other MH specialists you can go to.

I know this is not much to offer you. I think you must make the effort to see the counsellors otherwise you will have lost another opportunity to get help. This is something no one can do for you. What I am asking you to do will be hard for you but this is something you must do. No one can make you see a therapist and not turning up for appointments just compounds the problem.

Do you have access to a phone? Please ring the Beyond Blue help line which is available 24/7. The number is 1300 22 4636 or try Lifeline on 13 11 14. You can also contact SANE Australia on 1800 18 72 63 or read about them online at https://www.sane.org/services/help-centre. This is a good place to go as they specialize in complex mental health conditions. You have managed to get yourself here. Can you use the same process to get access for further help?

I would love to hear from you again.

Mary