Long term treatment resistant depression & Anxiety- what next?

[radarsan]

I guess my question boils down to, '..what next?'

Over the past decades I have been diagnosed with Depression, anxiety, PTSD, Bipolar, Bipolar 2, melancholic depression.

In what ever guise, it has cost me good jobs & relationships.

I have tried a number of medications & therapies, had a number of GP's, Psychiatrists, Psychologists, admitted myself twice to a mental health unit & done group work.

My depression and anxiety come and go in various cycles, some lasting 12-18 months!

My point of difference seems to be that this has gone on for decades (not weeks, or months like most folks) and that on or off meds I recover for a brief time then crash again. Lose a job, lose a relationship, get better... repeat

I have always been highly motivated to work with therapists and happy to take any meds they throw at me. Including meds at high doses, complementary meds, also at high doses and up to multiples of 3 at a time. Some of these meds I have taken despite knowing the adverse side effects.

After crashing again (finally) on some very high doses of multiple meds, exercising and doing CBT and mindfullness exercises, I decided to withdraw from treatment.

After several months med free and ostensibly "treatment" free, I was in a more coherent and lucid state than I had been than when in treatment (over 12 months). My depression and anxiety were basically the same. But i did feel marginally better. Still not functional though.

So now I find myself completely unmotivated to do anything or try anything. I am over putting in huge efforts, only to have the same cycle of depression and anxiety crush me after a few months.

What next?

[Fairywings]

Hi there and welcome I'm so sorry to hear you have been going through such a struggle all these years. I can empathize with you here i have had depression, body dysmorphic disorder, biopolar, boderline personality disorder all of my life im now 36 yrs old and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Life is not easy I know that and this is going to be a part of us for the rest of our lives. It's not going to go away we just need to know how to manage it so we don't let it control us, we need to control it. I am just coming into a downer myself from a two week manic state so I totally understand how frustrating these cycles we go through can be bc I am also dealing with this everyday. ur not alone i tell you so please don't feel u have to face this by urself. I know u say ur finding urself completely unmotivated but this is how we dilengently slip away very quickly i must say and i want to help you find some stratergies to help pick urself up again, we are all a great bunch here and we r all here for you. 🙂 Can you please tell me what u do enjoy doing in life. I myself like to take walks and sit near a beach or park and just think or even write in my journal, this is a really useful tool for self discovery and self healing and an added bonus a book doesn't talk back lol xx Journalling is something i did alot to help me get thru my darkest hrs and on top of that just this earlier this year, i have written a book about my life. I was so entrenched with writing that I managed to finish 60,000 words in just under a week and i found it to be very therapeutic, my friends couldn't believe how i could write that many words and look after my little one who has autism and a hubby who has chron's disease. Yes i managed, my point is don't let ur cycles control you I know you can do this it's not easy but u have all of us here to help you and encourage you every step of the way. Can you also tell me if you family and friends supportive networks around you? I would love to hear back from you Venessa. xx

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Radarsan,

It sounds like you have certainly 'done the rounds' with treatment and therapy, so I do not have any specific advice to offer here.

What I do wonder though - is whats next for you if you didn't have to worry about therapy? Whats next if things were okay? Whats next if you weren't spending time, money and energy on seeing a therapist? What would your life look like then?

[Dr_Kim]

I hope that i can add anything to your "what”s next ?” question as you have had this illness for SO long and have tried so many things that I feel you are probably pretty much the best person there is to really decide what helps and what doesn’t help for you .

You did hit on one very important aspect - that these mental health issues have been rolling in and out of your life for decades and for many people there is just time to accept that the game plan is not “cure” but how to roll with the punches . It seems that you have done that at times successfully and at other times not .

I would suggest to you that maybe changing the focus from trying to not have the symptoms to:

1.Minimising the symptoms in which ever way you have found best - so use exercise, or group support, or diet, or medication, art therapy, or mindfulness in whatever combo takes some edges off.. You have tried a lot of things . Do an honest review and think about which have helped even a little. Also sometimes , something that didn’t work 10 yrs ago , might work now. For example, I have had patients who tried meditation in their youth and “hated it” but later on in life, found it really valuable. Also, with the medications ,sometimes we have to accept they are not without a “cost” i.e. you might feel less anxious or down, but you amy also feel a side effect of feeling less “lucid” . Its give and take.

2. Harm minimisation. It seems to me that the mental health problems , when they roll in , cause major distraction in your life . You speak of losing jobs and relationships when they become more intense. have you worked intensely when you are well to set up structures to give you support and some lee-way when you unwell. I’m thinking about some initiatives like trying to find a work situation that will be a little more forgiving of taking “time off” (even unpaid) or going part time , just so you can have a bit of free time to get yourself together on really bad days or weeks but then know you have something to go back to. Maybe talking to people at work BEFORE you become unwell might help to smooth the way to retaining your employment. I know it doesn’t always work out, but its worth a shot.

Similarly , with relationships.. when things are going well, it might be worthwhile explaining what may happen when things become unstable for you . Explain your illness so that your behaviours are demystified and not taken personally. It may still mean that the person can’t tolerate it , but at least you have tried to prepare them and give them some coping tools to make them more likely to stay.

Good luck with the rollercoaster and stay on the ride ! it seems that mostly you are doing a pretty god job and I admire your willingness to keep trying.

[Zoostar84]

It seems we are battling something similar. I have been on several
combinations of medications over the past 4 1/2 years since my last panic
attack. The medications are only somewhat effective at ultra high doses as I
have developed resistance to them. I feel like I have done everything I could
to help myself. I have given up alcohol, I don't do drugs, started going to
yoga, meditation, exercise, eat healthy, supplements and see a psychologist.

Venessa has a good point that our mental illness is going to
be a part of us for the rest of our lives. We must find ways to manage it the
best we can until we respond well to medications or lifestyle.

As recent as last week I felt unmotivated in everything I
was doing during the day. All I wanted to do was to go to bed and sleep. I got
in contact with my psychiatrist and she made some adjustments to my medications.
As soon as the next day arrived I felt more motivated and was able to cope
better.

It's very important that we keep doing the things we enjoy
even If we don't feel like doing them. Also, trying a new hobby or activity can
lead to a new joyful experience. I enjoy watching the AFL football and ensure I
watch the team I support every week.

Whether it be at your workplace or out socially do not
surround yourself with people that are negative towards you. Being around
people that are supportive is crucial, even If they don't truly understand. I don't intertact with anyone that is negative towards me anymore.

We are here with you along the rollercoaster ride!

[mel35]

Hi,

I also am suffering from long term resistant treatment depression/anxiety/bipolar 11 I just can't seem to find any relief from it, so I understand exactly how you feel, Having tried at least 15-20 different antidepressants and antipsychotics mood stabilizers etc I have pretty much given up on medication to help my disorder, Has anybody tried ECT at all? I will be seeing a new psychiatriast in November and hoping he maybe able to help me with ECT treatments, Has anybody else ever had this and has it worked? or had any bad side effects?I hope you find something that helps you, It is not easy going having these disorders :(, Thank you.

[GuestYD]

Hi Mel

Have you thought about doing Transcranial Magnetic Therapy? It's very good with treatment resistant depression and it is geared towards people who have tried a number of medications and not had success.

TMS is not invasive - it involves tapping on your head for a set period of time. You do a 4 week inpatient course of treatment. Then you might have to go in for a short maintenance every so often or you might not need to go in at all.

Anyway worth a look.

LC

[gwoolste]

Hi, a couple of therapies that really helped me were Schema and Sensorimotor(somatic) psychology. There are a number of places that do Schema therapy which is very much experiential based and usually done in small groups. Sensorimotor is an American based therapy that focuses on the mind body, and gets you to focus more on dealing with the feelings the body is communicating to you rather than mind based rumination.

Not sire what city your based in but some Google searches will help you find some practitioners and even private hospitals that run sessions.

[walkon]

Hi, I just discovered your post while looking for a support group / blog for long term. Recurrent depression. I have been through all the loops like you and am very tired of the struggle too.

I am in the process of trying to come of all meds while dealing with yet another relapse. I mad going to try some Cbt and up my exercise regime. I gave up alcohol a couple of years ago and just hope I can come out and feel a little better soon.

i