Letting go of regrets

[SilvaLady]

Hello,

I'm not sure if this fits in here, but I thought it might worth a try.

Recently I was told that I should let go of my "regrets" from the past. I know that I had many regrets, but I can't remember most of them. There are only a few that I can remember. I think that my anxiety/depression is part of this. I'm on the process of following that advice.

The advice was to light a small tealight candle and stating what regret I wanted to release, to let it burn until it burned down or if it stopped by itself (if wax was still there to bury in soil). I only started that today.

I was wondering if there was anybody else that could advise of different strategies of releasing any kind of regrets.

I know that regret and self forgiveness work hand-in-hand. As I suffer from anxiety, I try to cover all my bases and am trying to help myself, in turn trying to help others by this.

I have got a good support system, but I know that most of the hard work falls back unto myself. I'm still struggling to forgive myself, but I like to think that I'm getting there.

So I was wondering if anyone else has some techniques or methods of dealing with letting go of regrets/forgiveness of self.

SilvaLady

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi SilvaLady,

You have some really valuable questions posed here. It is really great that you are taking steps forward and reaching out to find different ways to find the healing that you are searching for.

I suppose when I first read you post, I was stopped and thought about about 'regret' and 'forgiveness' and wondered why some people move forward more easily than others. The first thing that came to mind was 'worry'. Regret or 'worry' about past actions can be really strong and overwhelming. For example, worrying about past events and playing out different endings can cause recurrent distress. Using a candle and focusing on letting go of the worry (regret) you have about the past and allowing yourself to let go (forgive) is a very visual strategy.

Another way to focus on letting go of regret and finding forgiveness is by embedding yourself more in the 'here and now'. In fact you are already doing this in watching the candle burn. This practice could be called Mindfulness. Mindfulness trains your mind to stay 'front and centre' as we often drift into the past (which we can't change) or drift into the future (which we can't predict). By training our mind to focus on the present, you may be able to stop the worry in its tracks when you go to the past events you are referring to. When you train you mind to do this, you spend a lot less time in worry (regret) and more time using what you have learned in your past and move forward.

There is a healthy amount of self reflection most of us have when we have done things that we wish we had done differently. But if we are constantly going back to these times in our mind, and this type of thinking is interfering with our ability to move forward, then we need to make a more conscience effort to stay present.

You are already doing an amazing job by engaging in this mindful technique of getting into the moment in using a candle. There are many other strategies to find a Mindful space to heal and there are threads on this forum dedicated specifically to Mindfulness that I encourage you to search through. Another site you might try is Smiling Mind which many people have found helping in guiding their practice. https://www.smilingmind.com.au/

You are not alone in finding your way forward and healing past wounds. We are listening. You can do this.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn

[SilvaLady]

Hello Nurse Jenn,

Thank you for your lovely words. I realize that "living in the past" is not healthy and living in the past is not good either. Looking back on my life, some of those regrets I perceived were the wrong decisions I made, or my mind telling me that I made the wrong decision. I like to believe that I have learnt from those kind of decisions. If that makes sense.

I thought by posting this thread that I would wanted to help myself (if this makes sense), and also letting other people that they are not alone. Also in some ways trying to help them as well. I suppose I just wanted to know that I wasn't alone in this.

I know I can't change the past, and looking to the future isn't good either. Knowing that everyday life we make decisions based on any given circumstance, so the future is always changing. No matter of what we imagine the future to be.

It's nice to know that people here on BB can share their stories and support and help each.

Thanks again and I hope you have a lovely day.

SilvaLady

[white knight]

Hi, welcome again

As a past chronic worrier this post of yours struck a chord. Over thinking my past was for me, a part of my anxiety that I conquered a long time ago.

I have some threads I've chosen for you to read. Just need to read the first post or more if you desire. Google these

Beyondblue topic worry worry worry

Beyondblue topic who cries over spilt milk?

Beyondblue topic anxiety, how I eliminated it

Repost anytime as it is a good topic.

TonyWK

[SilvaLady]

Hi white knight,

Thank you for that reply, I have started looking into those threads that you mentioned. It helped a lot. I am starting to notice already that I'm a little bit more less stressed over things over what happened in the past. I suppose my mind protected me by "forgetting" what happened in the past, but I know that my feelings and emotions haven't forgotten those events.

I suppose that both childhood and as an young adult goes in the same way, a lot of things has happened. I know that my mind was protecting me by "forgetting" all the things that were negatively impacting me. Because of this, it left negative/worry on my subconscious to rise to the surface some 30 years later.

I'm trying to let go of those feelings and if it helps someone else on the way, though much the better.

To Nurse Jenn, I would like to thank you again for kind words. I have started to use the "Smiling Mind", but between working and trying to get a new job (applications) I have not much time to use it. But when I do I enjoy doing the activities there. I also use "My Compass" through Black Dog Institute.

Thank you all

SilvaLady