Inadequate help for the lovelorn

[Unit1]

I had composed a bit of an essay for this but then I find it is limited to 2500 characters. Mine was over 16,000 so I have to forget all my carefully composed thoughts which I hoped would get across my feelings - so here it is in bullet form:

* I am a 50 years old male and never been able to have a relationship due to a crippling fear of intimacy and a range of internal and external barriers to long to discuss in 2500 Characters. And no I'm not a creep or mysogynist. I am profoundly lonely and despite craving the companionship, affection and sexual contact of a woman I cannot overcome the barriers, so I live a stifled empty life. I have been ridiculed and patronised for my situation so i just hide now.

* After a suicide attempt in my twenties I had15 years of therapy and medications which did not help one bit and now I find myself feeling like it is all over and I cannot believe that therapy can help me. I have delved deep into my problems with various counsellors and psychiatrists so there is nothing more to add to my knowledge of myself. I know my limitations well. I recently thought about therapy again but I see the same promises...

* I think my personality and deep seated confidence problems are not very treatable. I think claims of therapy efficacy for such things is baseless or exaggerated.

* I would find it less frightening to take my own life than somehow challenge my fear of intimacy in order to have a woman in my life, so I feel like my future will either be a slow lonely decay or I will suicide.

* I'm sick of the b------t promises of the world of counselling. It is a field of health care that is far too young and under-developed trying to fix massive, complex and poorly understood problems to be of much help to many people. I have seen many friends similarly promised much from counsellors only to find no real lasting outcomes. Once a promise of help fails - the hope dies further still.

I wrote a lot more but what is the point. Maybe someone will try to cheer me up with words of encouragement but that will not help any more than the ineffective "nothings" counsellors have offered me over the years - but still, thank you for reading.

Happy Valentines Day from a miserable git.

[Unit1]

I know its been a long time since the last post on this thread but I felt compelled to write after watching ABCs "You Cant Ask That" episode on Adult Virgins. In the past the only mainstream discussions about this topic were about the horrible toxic incel movement or laughing at the "40YrOld Virgin"Movie. That movie was a great catalyst for people to take the opportunity to humiliate me so I was hoping this episode of YCAT might have been a good thing to finally talk about people who fail to form relationships and what it means to them.

Some parts of the show I think were good including the perspective of the trans person who was Asexual and the religious/personal motivations of others. Then there were the expected lack of confidence issues. The most touching part for me was the two girls who clearly did demonstrate real loneliness and sadness at the void in their lives.

I think the first question was something like "Were you abused?.... something.." and they all said no and laughed and then talked about the terrible misconceptions held by people, and basically the show was for the most part pretty light hearted in most elements. I have to say this really pissed me off. After all the fruitless counselling I have done I have learnt quite a bit about people in my predicament and childhood sexual and physical abuse, mental illness, Autism or personality disorders are some of the main reasons behind a lot of people who simply cannot connect intimately with others and end up as "Adult Virgins". Difficult to be sure of course as people just don't talk about it. I'm guessing the ABC couldn't get many people to volunteer to talk about this (other than the show Love on the Spectrum) but I feel like this is the truly dark and tragic side of this issue that was not covered. Worse still this show has just become the newest catalyst for the next humiliating round of funny comments by workmates at my expense. Maybe if it dared to answer the first question on behalf of all those who were abused or who are so damaged that they cannot form relationships and how utterly distressing it is, it might have put another rather important perspective forward that could have encouraged people to be more empathetic towards AVs instead of more mockery. Isn't that the point of the show? It also did not contain older people like me who have endured many years of stifled loneliness. Watching this made me want to kill myself. Thanks a lot ABC you bunch of sh--heads.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Unit1
Thank you so much for your post. We have responded to you in a private message. We understand that it would have been very difficult to share your experience watching that show and we think you are so strong for reaching out to our community. We want you to know that things can always improve with the right support, and that if you are needing some immediate support, please dont hesistae to speak with one of our counsellors at Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636.

Warmest Regards,

[bluenight]

Hi Unit

I agree that most pyschologists and psychiatrists don't rally help, that has been my experience although there are some really really good ones out there, maybe start the search again. But in keep in mind that it will be expensive but it could be worth it